i think you are doing fine. but i do agree, that in a non threatening way you need to enforce not hearing about ow. sorry for having to go through that.

Well .... my idea is sort-a strange ... but, here goes... this will only work if you are in the same room, not on the phone.

At any mention of OW's name very gently take the 2 fingers tips of one hand and place them over the lips of your WH. Look him in the eyes, and without any wavering or anger in your voice say to him softly .... but clear as a bell ...

"that name is not to be spoken in my presence"

next time he does .... (cuz, ya just know hes going to test you at least once) .... "yada-yada-yada~~~ OW's name ~~~yada-yada-yada"

Kul, again with the same finger tip action gently touch his lips (almost like a caress), and say without fear, without anger, without anything in your tone of voice ... I am reminding you one time, that name is not to be spoken in my presense."

From that moment forward, at the mention of her name (either in person or on the phone).... you leave saying ILY, or you say good-bye ILU and hang up the phone. He may be in your delightful presence up until he speaks OW's name. Smiling and no crying you leave. This will create an impression that you are

A. strong
B. gently enforcing your boundaries
C. mean what you say and say what you mean
D. ready to be with him, but not with her

He may pee his pants.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think you are doing a great job. Hearing this won't ease your pain, but you are.

Others have given you great advice. Listen to Pepper, she is a jewel with great insight. About the only advice I can give you is that you come here and vent all your anger and pain. Do it again and again.

By doing this you are relieving some of the built up tension. Which will help assure that you do not release it on your H.

I think your husband is showing some very promising signs. Keep doing what you are doing, it seems to be helping.

jd

this a.m. WH called. he is w/the OW's uncle who is a sheriff doing a ride along. it was about 930 or so and the sheriff was out of the car. he was calling me to tell him about his day so far and what was goin on.

after he finished telling me the stories i asked, so are you allowed to use the cellphone in his car. he said, oh i hadnt called anyone yet. in other words, he called ME!!

but, he is out chumming it up w/the ow's family.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

he talkes like we are friends, i would luv to be his friend, but i would rather be his wife again too!

if you read the above posts tommorow i am to pick up his army uniforms.

DEPRESSED!!!

aaghh!!