<small>[ April 29, 2003, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: 3isacrowd ]</small>

Ok yopu made me laugh about what ORCHID said, to her H .

I will deffinately use that at the right time , I just got to , it is to good of a one liner to waste LOL .

ORCHID if you read , I like it .

Well it is 11;30 AM and he has not called from work yet , sometimes I think he does this to test me . I got to let things like that get out of my head . HE is just busy , I take everything personal , this is where this situation has brouhgt me that I can't see things as "NORMAL" stuff and I am so defensive .

GOT to stop that , that one is my problem , I sometimes set out to punish him for everything that goes on or things that are not going on .

I 'm learnin , alittle slow but I will get there .

OH anyway did I mention my daughter lost 2 front teeth her first , she was so cute , Wow how they grow and you can almost let the little things go unappreciated .

Got to go , I'll be back if there is an update , with OW . Only if I need to vent so I don't LB on him .

Any way if you think about it I hold in all my LB till JUNE 1 then I can explode LOL.

ONLY kidding I am planning on how to handle JUNE with respect and integrity ( think I can do that after all this ? )

Some times takeing the high road is the right road , as long as he is gone, if theres N/C .

I am sad for him though , cause I really am not shore he fully knows what he is doing .

PITTY , to watch someone who could have it all want to end up lonely , cause that is what he wiil be I am sure of that .

<small>[ April 29, 2003, 10:41 AM: Message edited by: 3isacrowd ]</small>

3,

Don't take anything WS does or doesn't do, (like calling) personally. That is just your low self esteem and blaming yourself kicking in. Don't go there. Can we say FOG?

WS is still in the fog, although there are signs of it temporarily lifting, and then he's back in it as thick as pea soup.

WS might need a break from drama. You can give that too him. Especially if WS tells you when ow is LBing. Don't say anything, don't comment. Just use that info to your advantage by not being the same way.

If you are in plan A, give WS as much calm and peace as you can. Bible says you are to be at peace as much as you are able, with people.

Romans 12: 17-21
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you , live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord." On the contrary:
If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him something to drink,
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Anyway, there were times that my FWS was my enemy, and I had to look at it that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Love and prayers to you 3,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Ok got the call 2 as a matter a fact , This is where it gets sticky , follow me .

What do I do when he askes me for opoin or advice ?

THIS is what he said, OW called she is starting in screaming at me cuause of yesterday ( him cursing her and driving by not stopping for her )
Now she is saying stop by tonight (this is not the norm i guess they are fighting )

I said, oh how else is your day work ok .

He changed it back to OW again , saying see this is my day shes screaming and then you will be made and hurt witch I am not saying she has the right only you do its just thats what my day will be , and I hate it and myself .

I said, well just let me know what your doing later so I know if your coming home .

He said, I don't understand her (ow). THEN he said, got to go my phone is ringing its her again I will call ya back .

HE called back , now she was yelling more he asked her whats your problem she said, I just am in that mood that I want you to know you are scum like everyone else in my life was ( oh poor baby )

HERES THE PROBLEM : HE askes me what do you think is her f'in problem why is she hasassing me so much ?
I said, I really rether not respond cause its not my place , it is your choice , WHAT do you think you do ?

(thought of what orchid said not giving him the answers )

HE said, no really help me here I want your opnion .

WELL I said, strickly as a friend I would say she is angry at you and wants to see if you will give in to her anger and run to her , so she can watch you justifie your self . THAT is what she wants for you to run to her , jmo .

I really didn't want to go there but he was getting pissed me avoiding his need for me to answer the question .

I did the best I could stayed up beat tone as a matter a fact like , just normal no anger or even like I care . JMVHO . IN fact it was I was not angry , not at all .

He did not respond , he just said, well this is going to piss me off all day (ow ) SHe is in just the mood I can tell .

I talked about some house stuff then the kids and what I was doing later .

I ended with just give me a ring later , so I know weather to lock up or not ?

He said, never lock up I will always be home , I love you .
I laughed and said, no seriuosly I got I mean we have 2 kids and I want to be safe in the middle of the night , LOVE YOU 2 , bye .

He said, love ya again and I will call ya some more later .

I am not to upset , as a matter a fact almost not at all . OH well .
THERE goes any glimmer from yesterday LOL unless he decides not to go tonight LOL ( he will )

Also in response to the bible reading , I am printing that one . I have alot to think about for JUNE .

DO I seek revenge? you make me think , like I said, before I already started thinking to take the high road .

I need to clearly make a statement with out , looseing my morals , values , and dignity .
I was also raised in such a manner . I offten wonder how would my parents be most proud of me . ?

HOW will I be most proud of me ? what example am I setting for my children by getting revenge ?

SOME things to think of . THANK you as always .

3 --
sounds like you are keeping your anger and emotions from WS, and that is good.

Let OW do all the LB'ing for the next few weeks.

You keep on being calm. Although I think you should continue to remind him that he is hurting you each time he makes a poor choice.

Please, Please, Please don't just coast through this next month. You need to be making some plans and preparations.

Start thinking worst case scenario and make some plans and decisions so that when June 1st comes you are EMPOWERED.

Get information on changing locks. Use a free consultation with a couple of attorneys. Apply for assistance if money will be an issue. Think about how you want to handle kids/visitation.

Start writing your Plan B letter.

And take care of YOU. Treat yourself well. Start gathering your support system.

Think about how you want to inform OW of whats been going on. Think about what you want to tell friends and family.

All of this is so that when June 1st comes -- you can truly take action, that is well thought out and planned.

Maybe it won't be neccessary.....but you don't want to get to June 1st and not know whats going to happen next.

This will also help distract you during this very stressful time, and maybe help you avoid LB'ing.

HUGS

HEY , LEXXY , yes you are right , and yes maybe that is why I am calimg down . I have been writing things down , my thoughts about june1 and what my intentions are .

GETTING ducks in a row <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

FREE consultion , well I have done that in the past already ( see and everyone thinks I am a doormat LOL only kidding )

NOT stating evry thing on here just incase the spy equpment is going to be viewed .

Uneducated mother of 2 goes far around here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

not even a GED ( don't worry working on it just not 2 fast . WAS advised .

H has big EGO so maney will always be given , HE gave the hole thing to me the last time , and will again it is his way of feeling like a man .

WItch I will and I mean I will eventually elimanate that all together .

I know think I am nuts , but I made up my mind I want nothing if I or he Divorces .

I will take it for awhile until my plans take place then i know I will not take a dime and it will kill him .

MY only 2 things I am still working on is the telling of family , freinds and OW issue .

This I best want to achieve with out him not looking like a real scumbag (witch I could do with ease)

BUT what will hurt him more ? I am debating the long term out come , ( when he wakes up )

TO make him really know regret that he lost the most wonderful women of his life .

I hope this all makes sense .

I know the pain he caused me , but by getting down and out right dirty is that who I am ? and will that take away any of the pain he cased me ? NO it won't , will I regret that in the future ?

WILL my children want to see mud slinning or do I want them to be able to later on make there own mind up to say wow my DAD this to my mom and she was so nice to him . YES that is the pain I want to cause him .

THE pain to face himself to say no matter what I did she conducted herself as a LADY .

MISS M thanks again for the verse . AND LEXXY thanks for the concerne I know I will be orepared and I will come out a WINNER in this and in my LIFE .

3,

Glad to hear from you. Glad you liked my verse.

I don't care if spyware is on. I hope WS reads all this.

All you are trying to do is get a little support when you have a lot of restrictions on you. As I said before, I don't know how you are doing this when you are supposed to keep quiet and not say anything to family or friends.

You know, you may think you are an uneducated mother or 2, no GED etc. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE STUPID. You are not stupid. You are doing all you can to educate yourself and be a better person. That doesn't say stupid to me. Just because there are typo's in your posts and you didn't get straigh A's in spelling doesn't mean you are not intelligent. You are. That is obvious to me.

My best friend was illiterate, (which does NOT mean stupid, it just means you have trouble readingwriting the English language), didn't know how to read. Long story. Anyway, I taught her to read, and she ended up teaching college classes in cosmetology, WITHOUT a GED. But she can read. So can you. She is one of the smartest people I know.

You are smart. You are just fine. You will make it just fine. You have just focused on your marriage and children. That is fine, just fine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway, long post here. Bear with me here.

Let me give you Psalms 37.

*Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;*
for like the grass they will soon wither
like green plants they will soon die away.

*Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart.*

*Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this;
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.*

*Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.*
For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
Though you look for them, they will not be found.
But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

The days of the blameless are known to the Lord,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

But the wicked will perish:
The Lord's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish - vanish like smoke.

The wicked will borrow and do not repay,
but the rughteous give generously;
those the Lord blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.

*If the Lord delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.*

I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.

Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
For the Lord loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.

They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

*The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.
The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.*

The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;
but the Lord will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

*Wait for the Lord
and keep his way.*
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,
but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.

Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.
But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future of the wicked will be cut off.

*The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble,
The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.*

Sorry 3, I know, long. I put a * by the verses I thought might help you.

That psalm really helped to comfort me. I hope it helps.

If you ever want to e-mail me let me know, I will post my email address.

Anyway, I don't know what to tell you about WS insisting on your opinion regarding what to do about ow. I would problably say hey, you know what I think you should do already, it's called NC, anything else I say is redundant. It has nothing to do with me. You make your own choices, do what you feel you need to do. I can't make you do anything. I love you, but you do what you feel is best for you, and I will make choices healthiest for family/me. And say it nice, 3. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

And line those ducks up! June is just a few days over a month away!

God's grace be on you 3,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ April 29, 2003, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Oh Miss M , I was just about to post a vent and then I read from you and between laughung and reading the SEROIUS stuff I almst forgot I was really mad .

Let me explain , I know I am not stupid , I was pointing out to LEXXXY that I have consulted with a lawyer . I WAS stating the way it is in the LAWS eyes I am an uneducated , stay home MOM .

IT accutally works in my advantage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

YOU see law is funny , alimony is more cause they (ws) must pay to educate you LOL for the work force .

OH belive me I am way more smarter then him and OW put together .

common sense goes a long way in life , MUCH more then book smarts do . LOL

I will be reading more later on the rest of what you sent me and if you got through to me on anything it is about my faith . I am buying a bible this week . I have my moms very old and alot is worn out pages torn and stuff .

I also don't like to have hers around kids , It is special to the family and don't want any harm to come to it .

WEll as you can guess he is with her AGAIN .

I say I give up figuring this out , how he is getting RID of someone by seeing them more gets me .

Do you think this could get any worse ? I mean do you think JUNE1 he can pretend there not together and she will go along with it , then try to pretend the marriage is not working and bail out then . ?

AM I crazy thinking of these things ?

I do some times , I can't think I think so much , to much .

see ya later

3,

Glad I made you laugh. I misunderstood your post. Thanks for clarifying. We all know you are not dumb here. Eyes of the law could be to your advantage if you split up with WS again.

If you do go out and get a Bible, I recommend the New International Version (NIV) by Zondervan. You can get soft cover one for about $20.00, and I suggest the study Bible. I love the modern language, it is so easy to understand. And of course it is very accurate as more material has been found (Dead Sea Scrolls, etc.) that they didn't have when King James version came out in the 14th century. I also like the New King James version, but NIV is my favorite. That is what I quoted you from. The study bible also has a lot of footnotes, who what when where why that explain a lot, and cross references.

WS has been leaving you alone a lot, so what else are you supposed to do? Think A LOT.

Funny, I wrote a song once about being a cake eater, your WS reminds me of it. LOL. It was origionally a country song, but I am turning it into a 6/8 blues tune. If I ever record it I will send you a copy! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keep hangin in there 3, hope all goes well for you today.

If you get a bible, let me know. There was a lot of stuff I feel that God gave me in scripture that saved my marriage. A lot of instruction on how to act and treat people. Not always easy, sometimes what I didn't want to do. I had to pray for ow. And sometimes I prayed and told God I didn't WANT to pray for ow, but was doing it because He told me I had to, so I was, but I didn't like it! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But God has blessed me because I was obedient. Remember, I didn't have MB during my FWS A, I only had God. The bible taught me MB prinicipals before I ever knew it existed. So I thank God everyday.

I am rambling.

Prayers for you 3, keep in touch.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ April 30, 2003, 10:50 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Just to let you know I'm still thinking about your situation and praying for you.

Something that has helped me over the past few months is to realize that I can't change my husband's behavior, but I can guide him. That's a tough balance act. You did a GREAT job when you talked with your WH about the situation he's in with the OW and how strong he is.

What is hopeful about the situation is that the OW is DESPERATE. She is pulling out all the stops, really pulling his strings. She wouldn't be this desperate if she weren't scared. You could point out to your H that she will probably not give up, she has a lot of energy and will keep up with her antics until he gives up. Some people are like that. (Of course finding the right time to say this will be delicate).

He seems as though he is working on recovery with you. You can remind him that recovery doesn't begin with your M until there is N/C, then you can both start working. But right now there is too much time and attention taken away from the relationship.

You have learned how to begin to withdraw (after H was asking what to do about OW on the phone). It's a great survival technique when you need it.

Glad you're getting ready for Plan B, but is it the end? Plan B can be very useful to let the WS know what they would be giving up, and to create the environment for real change. I'm willing to guess that if you both live apart that some real changes will begin to happen, and OW will be out of the picture soon.

Keep on Plan Aing, and let his last thought of you at the end of Plan A and beginning of Plan B be of a loving, caring, nurturing wife. As far as telling people...begin to think about what your motives would be for talking to and telling people. If it is a motive that will help you (i.e. telling the family so you don't have to explain the separation) then go for it, if it will be used just to hurt him, then hold back. It will help you find the words that won't get back to him as a LB. Like talking to the OW, do it to make yourself feel good (get some questions answered, find out what she's like))

I'm listening.

SHMI- thanks for stopping in , and thanks for saying that it seems he is working alittle on recovery .

I am offten confused about this part , Its where I screw up , I starte to think he is doing some good things but right now I have a hard time seeing if cause it is over shadowed by the disrespectful things he is doing and he trys to justifiy thoughs things witch really burns me .

Today reaaly is not good I am breacking down alot lately , wanting him to see her for the way she is , and wanting him to FEEL the pain I feel .

I here his words then see his actions and I go crazy , I don't know it I am crazy or he is crazy .

I just feel like the clock is ticking and he still don't get it .

And to answer any questions IT is not really PLAN B in JUNE it is PALN OVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU see I know him and if the threat is kept (by me witch it will be & he is aware of that)

HE will not come back , I can't explain my WS personality by He will cut his nose to spite his face .

SEE he doesn't like to be wrong , HE doesn't like anyone to think he would beg , (one of the resons no one knows about OW they would think he is an A$$ kiss ) and finnal inbarssment , he already stated he would cut ALL contact from any family and freinds in a heartbeat .

So when and if it comes down to N/C or me if he chooses leaveing then it is over , at that point it is a matter of who blinks first for D .

AND that will NEVER be me . ( he knows that to )

AS you can tell I am pig headed and do nothing unless I am ready for it . AND D I do not belive in at all .
I do not judge anyone who has but I will not .

I have no reason to , I can live separated just fine I am not living in sin , he would be and I for sure will not get INVOLVED with anyone again .

IF he files fine I will sign but will not do that .

I broke down this morning on phone then I LB alot , he only remained calm saying over and over he loved me .

He said, you really have nothing to worry about , I am not doing anything wrong I just sit there and fight with her and then come home to you .
I have during calm times explained to him that she will not go away .

SHE has low self estem was a battered women and has alot of energy , she still has a life goin on .
AND she is also jealous of the fact that he is a good dad cause he D does not see hers and he pays no CS always fighting in court .

AND on the thought of GOD , MISS M , WS feels this is the right thing to do to make up for the pain he caused HER !!!!! Also by helping her out so much it is the right thing to do .

I told him help her , GOD helps those WHO help them self .

I do not think I will be posting for awhile I feel very out of control.

How can you take care of yourself? Go see a movie? (That's my escape) Go out with friends? Tell SOMEONE you trust and talk? Maybe rethink the anti-d's. I know it seems like giving up, but I started taking them and it has evened out my moods and I don't get as angry. I never thought I would need them. But now I take them for my family, not for me.

Anything you can do to feel better?

3,

It just really gets to me when people say that God helps them who help themselves, because the Bible says the opposite. The Bible says we can do NOTHING without God. I believe that.

Anyway, your WS is wrong. I don't know how he could even hold his head up in church.

Okay, I'm done. And I am sorry if I overwhelmed you with Bible passages. I always feel like the other posters on your thread have a better take on you and helping your situation than myself. Mine is pretty much based on a Christian take on things.

Am glad to see others post to you.

Understand if you won't post for awhile, will leave you alone.

Will still be praying for you though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Do some thing nice for yourself, and try to keep with your plan. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

PS. I was a battered wife in my first marriage. My first marriage lasted 10 years, from 18 to 28, No one owed me anything, and I got over it and OUT of it all by myself. No excuses for me.

<small>[ April 30, 2003, 06:39 PM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

I can't tell you enough how much your support has meant to me , and your CHRISTIAN view witch I have lost some prospective on is very helpful . ALWAYS , THANK YOU .

YOU see I am christian , and was raised that way and like some loose the way or stop really paying attention to the way we were taught .

ALso things happen in life and you choose to BLAME the "BIG GUY" UP there LOL you just have to blame someone and then very esay to loose your way . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I some times want to sit down and just do nothing but PRAY and say ok I'll be good and also pray GOD so you take over the rest .

AND I am glad people who respond, all say different things so gives me different avenues to explore , If Choose to or maybe something I am MISSING .

I was not going to post for awile cause , some times I can't get a handle on all the NEGITIVE that I am saying .
Hard to explain .
SHMI- I think was one of the last posts that made me think about that , POINTING out the POSITIVE in something or beliving in something WS might be doing positve .

WORKING on recovery , YES I know TRUE recovery does not start till N/C has happened . BUT there are times when I think also that he is trying on recovery but feel foolish posting it or even beliving it cause of all the other thing he does .

SOMEthing I think ORCHID touched on a while ago , WE are both going through alot and I am so angrey I am and have lost sight of that .

I have been so busy BEING angry for ssssssssoooooooo many mons. and tryiong so hard to tell him to see , think and be the way I want I loose sight of his FOG , or any other depression he may have .

ON a lighter note he was home last night , no call from OW at all , yesterday .

LIKE I have said, in the past I don't get to excited cause theres always the next DAY LOL .

AND ANOTHER very big honest FEAR I AM HAVING is :

MOTHERS DAY IS COMING !!!!!!!!

AS you can see HOLIDAYS or SPECIAL occasions are her BIG FLIP OUT TIME .

I dwell I things ahead of time and I start getting angry now for something I can not control .

MOTHERS DAY to see OW to me IS and WOULD be one of the most DISRESPECTFUL ones of all .( I know weird but me )

THIS is a day where I think should be his time to thank me for raising his children and that means alot to me . This was my most IMPORTANT thing I have ever done in my life and although I am not perfect at it I want to be appreichated for it not from my chidren but from him .( kids don't know the true meaniing just yet LOL )

RIGHT now my son (8) sees me some tomes just as the lady who always makes him do SCHOOL WORK LOL

ONLY kidding they love me and we are close my son is an emoptional child(like me ) and I really have strived even more after WS and I seperated last time to always get him to say everything he feels leave NOTHING bottled up (like his dad)
AND he does , TO me . WE talk and he prays alot (catholic schooling )

HE is alot like me and I see the good and bad he gets angrey first and I want that in control so I really need to set a better example and I tell him when I am wrong for yelling and not talking about my emotions instead of re-acting to them .
So I am working on this with him .

Daughter well she is 5 and ALL her farther in every way . ( GOD HELP ME LOL)

HARD to be mad at she turns the tables to comedy real fast. ALthough at 5 she speaks her mind , its amazing .

Enough today I am rambling so much just getting wound up to see what my day will be like , see I hate this I make myself live on pins and needles .
antisapating everything that will , might , or could happen . I think I need to meditate LOL .

SEE ya later

Keep on posting if you feel like it, and if it gets to be overwhelming.....

Thank you for your honesty and writing about your fears and hurt. This is a great forum for that. I get so much out of reading.

something that I did when my husband was attempting no contact and after...I asked him what I could do to help him. When I would think about it I say how ridiculaous it seemed...me help him? get over her? But I was trying to show love in a different way. And I would begin to start every thought with "would I do this to/for a friend?" It changed my perspective and made me realize how badly I was treating him...the demands, the nagging/criticizing.

Maybe there is something you can help him with...ask him what he needs? My husband needed more affection and to be kept busy. We planned more outings (kite flying at the park, movie with the kids) things just with the family. Things we could look forward to during the day. Maybe he would rush to get home when he knows there's fun in store. Last night we played frisbee in the front yard. And if he doesn't want to join, think of how he'd feel if he drove up to you and the kids having fun without him?

I'll be off for a few days, will be thinking and praying for (with?) you. It's a holiday this weekend (Derby).

SHMI- sorry I did not see your post there , yes I do try the do for me thing .
AS you have read here there is NO one I am talking to about this except here .

Going out well I am with kids if he is with ow so no where to go .

When he is home I want to be with him and if I am not I want to be here for my kids , you see when he is home he feels some of that time is his "ME " time to . (you would think he has enough time with OW for it to be good enough )

But he says that time is just to sit there and fight and answer questions for her that are more lies )

ANY how the time around her is given to him cause well I never minded him having hobbies and intrests I mean he talks to me about all of them and that is what he enjoys and has always loved the fact the his wife can talk about what intrest him and knows about it ( sports , stats, ect. )

ITs funny cause I have friends that no so little about ther H enjoyments and yet there H never strays .

I mean I see women I am close to really not even able to have convo about it or care to , they never went with them have no intrest at all .

Me I dive in and H loved that , I mean he goes places without me BUT I could go cause he knows I like it and understand it .

totally off subject , yes I need to collect my thoughts and become well alittle selfish LOL

HI all , WS out with OW , another friday night says tonights it no more . LOL I have heard that some where before . SAYS hes gonna fix it tonight .OK any way enough about WS'S sense of humor .

DID nothing much play with kids , watch tv .

There sleeping , I took long hot bath , did hair , and the hole work on me thing , feel relaxed.

Bad night last night house was out of control kids , & H & me all fighting . I felt like everything was spinng .

I finnally waited till all went to sleep had a really good cry . You know like the kind after d-day when it hits you , and you wake up like you went 12 rounds with Goerge Formen , Mike Tyson&the hole WWF champions . YEP I looked pretty bad so bad all day that my eyes where so swollen I was able to tell people I was bit by a bug and had an allergic reaction .

AND they think BS'S can't lie well . LOL

Well I am sure my weekend will be amusing .
I have another party sat. night , cousins this time H side of the family at night this time . So I get to deal with the phone calls all day i am sure .

OH but wait she will be gone tonight LOL .

And some one tell me whats with him ALways talking about future , things WE are going to do in house , where WE should go on vaction ect.

I am so confused do I belive or not ?

IS he really trying ? am I missing it all ?

I mean is this him trying for recovery and I am sabatoging this?

I mean I know recovery can never REALLY begin till OW is at N/C .But is he trying all this time to start it and feel secure before shes gone?

Well got to go .

3,

Sorry you are having a bad night.

Fighting last night? What about your plan A. Did you LB? Kids are upset. They can feel it 3, so you have to expect it a take a little extra time with them.

So I guess you'll see about it being all over tonight.

Sorry your eyes are all messed up an swollen. Been there, done that, moved on.

Step back, 3. You won't get anti'D's or anti-anxiety meds despite your horrendous situation. so it's going to be a bit harder to control yourself, etc. I am telling you that if you went into Dr and told Dr the situation you would have something that would make you feel better in a NEW YORK MINUTE!!! LOL!!! And I am NOT a drug advocate. Yes, I know, not for you.

Hope you get thru tomorrow nite okay. And about tomorrow, you don't have to deal with ow phone calls, you let WS. You have enough on your plate with kids and family, also taking care of 3. If there are phone calls, just take long hot bath, take care of 3 and get ready for family get together.

Praying and giving you over to Jesus!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ May 03, 2003, 12:16 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Ok 9AM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is the time home , now you want to talk about rolling over and calling OW !!!!!!!!

YEP started that call , but hung up (got you didn't I LOL)

CALLED him on phone he was already at store , now of corse she called him to ask if it was him calling her .

This is just so stupid , I give Waht is it you say UNCLE UNCLE ,WHIte towel PLEASE !!!!!

talk later .