well all i couldnt do it. he called again talking about the divorce kit. and i just blah blahed on why the OW (my ex friend)did what she did. he blah blahed on the fact that its not her fault and she hates me and never wants to speak to me again.

he said he is NEVER COMING BACK and for me to forget it he loves her.

God theres more, but i am devastated. I did not cry, i wanted to.

**you can go back to post to revisit what you said and reply there. thanks Ark!

well all i couldnt do it.
Couldn't do what?

i just blah blahed on why the OW (my ex friend)did what she did.
But you don't know why she did what she did. Why are you discussing her? Do you want him to see you as someone he can't talk to?

Plan A is learning new behaviors which are GOOD for the relationship and getting rid of behaviors which are BAD for the relationship.

You learn them and then demonstrate them to him as best you can while in Plan A. If you cannot do this, then he will see you are not as concerned with trying to fix things as you say you are.

<small>[ March 03, 2003, 02:05 PM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>

<small>[ March 03, 2003, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>

Well,

the good news is that you know he will call again...so you always get another chance....

And the other good news is is that YOU CAN do this....

think about your options...you can continue to have each every conversation that takes place between the two of you be a battle, powerstruggle, disrepectful, emotional mess....OR you can take control of our part in this and be in as much control as you can muster...

Why not take a day or two..and not talk to him AT ALL....take some time to get your emotional ducks lined up in a row....
rant your self crazy at the unfairness of it...to yourself...so that when you talk again you don't lose it..

Learn to bite your tongue a lot.
Learn to disconnect your emotions when he talks so you see through it and see the riduculousness of it all....

And in two days when he brings up the divorce kit..tell him calmly that you have thought about it...and that you are sorry but you do not desire to divorce him and that you are not going to be filling out any papers in a divorce kit...

seek sereninty and peace within you...
ARK

when he brings up the divorce kit
You do NOT bring it up

tell him calmly that you have thought about it...and that you are sorry but you do not desire to divorce him and that you are not going to be filling out any papers in a divorce kit...
Exactly. Don' tell him he has to do it. Just tell him you're not going to do it.

Kuljey,
Don't be so hard on yourself-you'll do better next time. Please don't ask questions about why they did this-they will not admit they are wrong in what they are doing and will do everything to blame others (you) for their behavior. No good comes of this he just gets upset and yells stupid things like they are getting married (after being together for a few months????). This guy is really in la la land. I would truly have a hard time not laughing at him.

It may help you to think about what he might say to you when he calls next. Write down the answers and the scenarios the way you want them to be and practice the answers/questions like an actress. Keep this info by you so when he calls you have it handy.

If you haven't done it already please see a counselor or priest for help. I get the feeling that your at home all day feeling sorry for youself and waiting for him to call you-I hope I'm wrong on this. Hopefully soon you'll be back to work!

As for the divorce kit, just tell him your not interested in filling it out. I would recommend that you see a lawyer (the consultation is usually free)to get information on divorce and adultery and abandonment in your state and the military. If he wants a divorce don't make it easy on him.

Do you have any idea if he will be called to the middle east soon? If he gets away from her maybe the fog will lift .

Take care!!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=022886#000002

that is the link to see what i was talking about that i COULDNT do.

i just majorly LB'd my WS...eeeks. i even said i hate you. OMG. he made me so mad. he wants me to sign/go over these divorce papers. then he said on a msg that he left them on HER bed. i flipped. i could just picture that Whore (can i say that here) reading it and going over it, laughing... gloating..

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Yvonne,

Remember that you can't control him and right now you can't even stand his conduct (flaunting OW in your face).

I would say to let him bring you the papers. When he delivers them, throw them away (after he leaves). When he asks why you haven't signed it yet, then you can say you threw them away because they smelled or you found some yucky stains on them (don't give details). It could be smashed bed bugs, or some stinky stuff.... ya know?!?!? YUCK I am sure if it came that way, you would throw it out right?

He asks why say, he will have to get another set that has not touched the OWs things. When he brings over a clean set, then take a look at it.

When the WS was trying to D me (OW supplied the divorce sites, ordered the D paperwork/cd/book etc.), I told him to go ahead. When I learned about anything that OW touched or had a hand in, I threw it out until he could do the dirty work himself. AFter all, I am not married to the OW so why should she be involved with the D work?

Nope, just let him work hard very hard for this D. Might wear out the OW.

JMHO,
L.

he thinks i am not gonna get a lawyer..if it comes to it. i still want hiim back.