dated 1 yr..married 2 yrs 8 months..hubby on 4th marriage me 2nd..he has always lived the lifestyle, I tried but he crushed my trust when he more or less forced a 3sum on me at a party house without asking if I wanted to. again invited cpl to house I was not comfortable with and once sex started, i had to stop. he left me for 3 days and marriage has not been same since. He is consumed with 3sums and anything sexual, now I feel betrayed because my feelings are hurt and sex with others seems more important to him than my feelings.seperated now 4 9 days. just found this program and want to try it, but not sure he will be open enough cause he thinks i am one with problem not him. I just need my emotional needs met..I feel so alone ...help

Hi and welcome. The good news about your situation is that you don’t have to fight a 'classic' affair with your spouse leading a secret double life. The bad news is, however, that you are trampled upon and ignored and hurt by the destructive behaviour of your husband. Maybe you can think of it like an addiction. Does he understand what your feelings are on this issue? Are you able to communicate your emotions with regard to that? What is his response? Does he care?

CCH,
I feel for you, I have been in a similar situation, only it was ME that was obsessed with sex and sharing my wife with others. I cannot give you any advise, only share what I was thinking/feeling at the time.

At the time sex was all I could think of, nothing else, everything was about sex. But, at the same time I was burdened with an enormous guilt, shame and contempt for my wife going through with what I wanted. It wasn't until my wife fell in love with a partner (who was also my best friend) that I woke up. I am now in counseling and dealing with some of my many issues.

There a few of us here that have toyed with this lifestyle, but not too many. Don't be surprised if you don't get too many responses. It's not because people don't care, they just don't understand. It is true that some people live this lifestyle and it never bothers them (your husband seems to fit this category) but for the majority it has ended in disaster.

I would suggest getting into some type of counseling for yourself (IC), and marriage counseling (MC) if your husband is willing to join you.

CC

Part of the complexity of this is that you were aware of his preference for a swinging lifestyle...

Did you two discuss this prior to marriage...it would seem that things would need to have been clearly established in regards to this....

This is a choice that has HUGE ramifications on the emotional and intamate marital relationship.

Also knowing that this is what he likes...and the fact that you went with him to a house party..did you prior to that moment set clear boundaries and limitations on what you would and would not do...

In some ways his behavior is irrevelant...it is all about what you can and will tolerate in your life...and you must give credit to him if he has all along be honest about what he likes/

On the other hand it is also OK for you to decide what is acceptable to YOU>...and learn that you can only change you...
you can't change him..

well those are my questions for ya...
ARK^^