After finding out about wife's A on 1/1/03, we found this site and has really helped us alot. BUT, every now and then, she feels the need to communicate with OM. She understands the need for complete separation, but, she says that he is a "great guy" and really wants to keep him as a friend and that she doesn't look at him "sexually" anymore and that there is no danger of a relapse. Obviously, any contact she has with the OM kills me.
I am keeping her on a very short leash, and she seems to be completely honest with me whenever she sees or hears from him.
Should I put my foot down or be patient? Should I contact the OM and tell him to get lost?
Any ideas would help...thanks

1) Is the other man married and does his spouse know?

2) NC means NC she should GLADLY do this for you in order to repair the damage.

3) No such thing as just friends with EMA partner.

Stunned dad,
thanks for the feedback.
Guess your telling me what I already know.
The OM is single - He knows that I know who and where he lives - should I use a little persuasion or let my wife work it out alone?

I am afraid that you have some big problems. Your wife is amazingly insensitive to your feelings and needs. She is lucky that you did not divorce her.How do you think she would respond if the roles had been reversed? How do you think she would react after finding out that you were having sex with another woman behind her back and you then respond by saying: "I want to work on the marriage but the the woman I was having sex with behind your back is really a great woman and I like her and I want to remain in contact just as friends with her. You do not have to worry about us cheating on you again because we are just friends now and I just enjoy her company?"

I guarantee you that your wife would be contacting a lawyer. She is still disrespecting and humiliating you. How amazingly insensitive she is to your feelings. No contact means No contact. She is putting her continued friendship with her lover over your marriage and showing disdain for your feelings.

The absolute very least your cheating spouse can do for your is absolutely cut off all contact. The fact that she still refuses to do this says a great deal about her and her sensitivity towards you. He really sounds like a "great guy" who has no problems screwing a married woman behing her husband's back. I would seriously question her committment to you and your marriage by this on going contact. She would never put up with it if the roles were reversed. I think you need to sit down and make it clear either she is committed to rebuilding the marriage and sensitive to your feelings by eliminating all contact with her cheating lover; or you will have to reevalute your future with or without her. After all she did it is like I said the very least she can do for you by cutting all contact with him. The fact that she refuses to do so says a great deal about her and your marriage. This behavior is totally unacceptable and I think you know this also.I think you need to protect yourself now and in the future. The old saying is true: "No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change."
I wish you luck because this behavior is unacceptable. I don't think most betrayed spouses would accept this. Why do you?