On dday my FWH fully intended to abide by NC but was still in fog and ended up calling her (2 days past dday), they spoke and wasn't same. She lives next door to us so she rollerbladed and intercepted him on his way to work out and they that started contact for 3 more days. During that time he came out of fog..realized his feelings weren't same for her, started seeing she wasn't who he thought she was, saw how hard I was working, how much I loved him, saw effect of his actions on me and kids. So on his own he stopped contact. I found out 2 days after he stopped contact (total of 9 days after dday til I found out). I found out by looking at a credit card receipt and seeing that he bought more minutes for OnStar (on board navigation system that also has cell capability and is pre paid so no way to track calls..he was pretty slick) several days after dday...it then hit me that was how he was contacting her.
I went off the deep end, confronted him, her, her H...went crazy in front of my kids (very ashamed of this but couldn't control myself)...that was much harder then even dday. Thank goodness he'd already stopped on his own. He became a completely open book after that and seriously dedicated himself to recovery.
Within 2-3 weeks of dday he was starting to despise her and then disgust, hate and fury set in shortly there after. Boy do I like that feeling better. Of course he has some of these same feelings for himself but is working through those in IC and using those feelings to really improve himself. For the last month he has been a model H (was working hard whole time but last pieces fell in place month ago). He is all I could ever ask for in a H or father...I thought he was pre-A but now I know the difference!
I am absolutely positive that he hasn't contacted her without me present since 8 days past dday.
NC is essential to burn off the fog!
