Help, last night my H and I went out and we got along great up until on the way home, I said something wrong or stupid that he didn't like and when I went into the bathroom to get changed for bed my H took off with the cell phone and the car. I called the cell he answered and hung up on me and said he can't live with me anymore. I can't go through this mentally anymore, I think I know he went back to the OW. I am an emotional wreck and don't know if I can get out of it since he left last night.

you have not lost your mind, your are being abvused. Check this site for some help in understanding this.

http://www.verbalabuse.com/3.shtml

gosh carolyn i am so sorry for you!! it almost seems like a huge roller coaster for u!!

keep me updated!

Goldie

what did you say to him?
was it wrong? plan A LB...do you owe an apology

or was it just the "thing" he was waiting for to use as an excuse ...

and certainly you two weren't out drinking I pray....

You can get out this emotionally...in fact with the kiddies you must...
taking control of what you can is empowers you to deal with what is flung at ya...

figure out your plan
find out today if he is coming home...but be as calm as you can with him...
children deserve more security than this and he is not dependable in that arena...second time in two or three weeks he has left for the night....
not good for children...
knowing what you are really dealing is scarey but atleast you know...

keep us posted
ARK

I didn't say nothing wrong, but interupted him while he was talking and he said see this is what I had to deal with for 17 years, and I believe it was an excuse to leave again. I can bet my bottom dollar that he went back to her, because I talked to his mother this morning and she asked me why our car was up there and I said oh your son took off in it last night. He isn't there and I am sure he called the OW to pick him up there. I am emotionally drained and I don't know if I can get out of my depression I am in. I'm scared, I have to be strong for my kids, because I know he doesn't care about them and I am so sick and tired of him telling me everything is my fault.

I didn't say nothing wrong, but interupted him while he was talking and he said see this is what I had to deal with for 17 years, and I believe it was an excuse to leave again. I can bet my bottom dollar that he went back to her, because I talked to his mother this morning and she asked me why our car was up there and I said oh your son took off in it last night. He isn't there and I am sure he called the OW to pick him up there. I am emotionally drained and I don't know if I can get out of my depression I am in. I'm scared, I have to be strong for my kids, because I know he doesn't care about them and I am so sick and tired of him telling me everything is my fault.

Goldie,

so there it is..you are right interrupting is not a reason to abandon ones wife and children...

Time for you to take some time and think long and hard about what you really want...

what you want regardless of things you did do or didn't do in the past...

Time to start cherishing the peace you have right this second not living each moment under the blame game in your face...

time to heal and fix things in you regardless of his actions....

"dealing with for 17 years in nothing but fog talk:....people who truly believe they are treated "poorly' by there spouses hold great responsibility in addressing these issues...and are not awarded honorary victim status by any means....

Goldie..isn't it scarier to live each day with someone who is full of venom and blame...
isn't it scarier to live with someone who allows no healing to occur...not because they are so hurt...but because as long as you maintain the "all evil" status ...it justifies their own behavior...

take care of you....
take a bath...
find something to smile about...
pray and seek solace...
seek counciling...be it professional or religious...

be strong..
ARK

If I didn't allow him to come back a month ago exactly today I probably would have been in much better spirits, but I allowed him to come back and now he went back to the OW only to upset me even more and the kids. I still love him and I thought we would have made some progress, but I guess not, I am back a square one again.

Goldie - calm down, this behaviour is absolutely normal and has nothing to do with you. OF COURSE he is mad at you, OF COURSE he rationalises, observes and tries to find reasons which justify his actions in hindsight. As long you are aware of this mechanism, you shouldnt take this abuse too hard. That said, you have to let him know what you think is acceptable behaviour and what not.
Good luck,
N

Goldie,

you are only at square one because you were so afraid to do anything...

push through that fear...dig deep into it...and realize that you can find control in a lot of things....

progess comes through work...

think about what it is you want...and start to make a plan...even if the plan is small tiny tiny movements towards your goal...it is something great....

him being home full of anger and blame and unsaid issues is not a great failure in recovery...since no recovery work occurred....

change you
change your approach.
begin to really recover for you...and you may find him trailing along....
ark

He has made his decision to go back to her, he is there, because my 19 year old daughter called and the OW said he was there, but wouldn't put him on the phone. How can he just leave his kids without saying anything, just pick up and leave and not call, they are going to end up hating him.

This man is using whatever tactics to get at you. Believe, me my hsuband did this. I had to talk the way he wanted me to. I couldn't interrupt. But could he interrupt me, yep. I couldn't do things my way. I had to tell him where I was going, and with who. Just the other day, we are divorcing, he was here, and a friend of mine called, and he answered the phone. He got this discusting look on his face and handed the phone over to me like here. The other person on the line felt his attack, and felt the tension. She said is he mad, I said yep. He doesn't like people calling me. Never has, and takes that againts me.

Your husband did what my hsuband did. We were out in his van, doing calls, and we were talking. And I said something, and interrupted him. He started calling me the F*cking *****, and yelling at me. He was so mad, and I was scared.

I now have a cellphone for 911 only. I asked the police for it and I got one. That is something that I didn't know I could get, as a battered wife. I carry this with me always, and it is for the purpose of protecting me. This is something that you can get. I got it through the First STep for battered wives.

Anyways, what is happening is he is controlling you, and abusing you. I know, I have been abused for 25 years, and it is still not stoppoing. This man that i married is titled a batterer. He fits the circle of anger, and control. He fits about 95% of the circle.

You are probably in the same boat. Let the man go to the other woamn. I wish my hsuband had. Then he could of gotten screwed up with a psycho*itch. Cause she is, and he never has once said, that he is sorry that the other woman used me, and manipualted me. He always had an excuse for her.

See, controllers don't know how to control, when things are out of hand. And that is what is happening to your husband. My hsuband is having a hard time too. Cause I am moving on. Maybe sometime he will see what he lost, but for now, he can have his life the way he wants. The same for you, let him go. He is not worth it, believe the people here. When he lives with the otehr woman, he will find out that she isn't anything great. She is using him, like my husbands other woman. She used another man too in her long term marraige. So let him go and get burnt.