Tell him that you are waiting for a lawyer to look at them before you sign anything. If you have to keep calming repeating those words over and over again and sound like a stuck record. He will get the hint. Let him have a tantrum.

As much as you want to, calling OW names is useless. I know, I do it once in a while. Honestly is she worth the energy? So, why expand the energy on her. Direct it towards positives for you and the kids.

I know animials are you last consideration, until you get your child support is there anyway you can manage to keep them? I'm thinking it would be one less change for the kids to have to adjust to. I know you don't want to hurt them this way. But do what you have to do, the kids and shelter is your first priority.

i havent done our taxes yet (late huh) and he called yesterday, left a msg about them, askin if i had done them. i have not called him back.

afraid to fight.

kuljey:

"so when he starts to get ugly, or ask me for the blank divorce papers (signed) do i just hang up.."

Change the subject, tell him your lawyer is poring over them with a fine-toothed comb, or tell him that someone's at the door, and leave the phone off the hook while you run around the block 300 times. Whatever it takes.

"how do you control yourself from calling the ow a HO?! why does it do me no good to bash?"

What was said above.

Heck, I thought I was doing a great job for the longest time after about August (that was 7 months after D-day), until my W told me in about November or December that RM had a chance to date someone else, but he decided not to because he would feel he would be cheating on my W (not HIS W, MINE!). Without thinking, I said "What an @$$hole!!"

...which was accurate, but not particularly efficaceous <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-Qfwfq

You have until the 15th to file. However, if you are expecting a refund, it sounds like you could use the cash now.

If there is a refund, does he expect to get all of it? Make sure you take at least half.

I know if I was divorcing, I would make sure that the papers specify that I will be deducting the kids. Otherwise, he might try, but I think the IRS has that one covered anyway. Unless otherwise specified, I think the person they live with gets the deductions. I'm not sure. I have a friend do the taxes.

Tell him you have not had time, you will get to them before they are due. Can he still access the account? You might want to take his name off the account, since he says he is not coming back. When my H left me the first time, that was one of the first things I did. He was shocked when I told him I did that. He wanted to know why. I said you don't live her anymore and I will not allow you to have access to my paycheck. He did not expect me to do that.

I'm very good at LB's, just to let you know. However, I don't call protecting what is mine as an LB.

WHEN H HURTS ME, I CALL OW A WHORE TOO BECAUE THAT IS WHAT SHE IS. BUT H'S JUST DEFEND THEM. WHY? BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO ADMIT WHAT THEY'VE GOT IS AVAILABLE TO ANYBODY WITH A GOOD LINE AND A FEW BUCKS!
H'S ACTUALLY THINK THEY GOT SOMETHING NOBODY ELSE COULD HAVE. THE TRUTH IS NOBODY ELSE WOULD HAVE THEM!
EGO THING.
JUST PROTECT YOURSELF AND KIDS. TO HELL WITH HIM AND OW. GO FOR THE MONEY SUPPORT AND MAKE HIM SQUEAL TIL IT HURTS!
YOU CAN FILE ELECTRONICALLY, AND OUR CPA DID AND NO CHARGE TO DO SO AS ITS PREFERRED BY IRS NOW. WE GOT OUR CHECKS IN TWO WEEKS.
BY THE WAY, THEY COME IN BOTH NAMES WHEN YOU FILE JOINTLY, SO YOU DON'T SIGN UNTIL YOU'RE AT YOUR BANK AND THEY HAND HALF TO YOU. YOU TELL THEM THAT UP FRONT, TO DEPOSIT YOURS IN YOUR ACCT WITH HIS NAME NOT ON IT. IF HE REFUSES, YOU DON'T SIGN! IT'S A 50/50 DEAL.
GOD BLESS, lOUlOU

TRY TO KEEP THE PETS. THEY'RE LIKE FAMILY OR MINE IS TO US. CHECK WITH SOME AGENCIES FOR PETS THAT MIGHT HELP WITH FOOD FOR DOGGIES. I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF ONE HERE, BUT THEY DO HELP OUT WITH FAMILIES TO KEEP PETS.YOU SHOULD GET MEDICAL FOR YOUR CHILDREN FROM STATE ALSO IF NO HEALTH INSURANCE. HUBBY MAY DROP IT, BUT THEY MAY CAN FORCE HIM TO KEEP IT ALSO!
H GETS ANGRY BECAUSE HE'S LOSING CONTROL OF YOU NOW. SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE FINALLY STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF AND NOT LETTING HIM RULE THE ROOST! HE PROBABLY THOUGHT HE COULD JUST GET YOU TO DO AS HE SAYS AND SCREW YOU OUT OF RIGHTS. GOD IS GOING TO HELP YOU WITH ALL THIS, HAVE FAITH. GOD BLESS, LOULOU

Hi there,

I am so sorry for the pain and terror you are being put through.

In situations like this you have to be strong, collect yourself, think ahead, think what else might go wrong and dig dig dig to find out how you can carry you and the children through this.

Do not bad mouth your H to your children, do not tell them anything of your worries and despair. You can say " your father is confused, angry that the two of you are not getting on very well, but they should not worry, you will solve it"

I don´t know whether this is too late or not to say it and that you have told them too much. If you have stop and talk to them. Tell them you have said a lot of things in anger and spite because of your dissappointment and get them to calm down. Protect them. Please protect them. Use everybody else to let out your fears, your worries, please not them.

Your 11 yr old stepdaughter is so vulnerable right now and she is probably feeling abandoned by everyone. Be strong for her. This situation could scar her (especially her )for life. She needs you so much because of her vulnerable situation.

You will figure this out. You will get on top again. You will find the means, the courage and the strength. It is in you. Look for it. You have to go out and do it YOUR way and only your way now. You are in a SURVIVAL mode and the only people you can care about are you and your children.

My thoughts are with you. Believe that you can do it and you will. YOU WILL!!!!!

All my best to you
-queen-

Kuljey,
Please limit your contact with your h. If he calls and starts talking about something that triggers a fight just say nicely that youd prefer not talking about that right now tell him it was nice to hear from him say goodbye and hang up.

I'm glad your getting help with child care and food stamps. LadyLou was right in saying that there are animal charaties that may give you food for your animals. I do volunteer for animal causes and in my area(Ohio) they have charities that help senior, low income, people with financial emergencies get food so they can keep their animals. You may want to call the local APL to see if they can help you with some leads.

Stay strong!

or ask me for the blank divorce papers (signed) do i just hang up..
As we have told you over & over, tell him you do not want a divorce. Don’t argue about it. Don’t get drawn into an argument or big discussion. If he keeps going on, just tell him you have a few things to do (clean the house, make lunch, whatever) and that you will speak with him later

You HAVE got to stop REACTING to what he does and start controlling your own actions.