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What exactly is an emotional affair
#2959635 04/11/03 01:57 PM
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notgoingtodothis
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notgoingtodothis
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My WH, (had an PA with different woman) now is hanging out with a single mom with 3 kids. I don't like it, told him so and he said """ we are just friends""" ect... they talk all the time. he still talks with ow as well. what the H&%$&% am i supposed to do with this
Re: What exactly is an emotional affair
#2959636 04/11/03 02:14 PM
Joined: Sep 2001
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Northern California
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redhat Offline
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notgoingtodothis:
<strong>My WH, (had an PA with different woman) now is hanging out with a single mom with 3 kids. I don't like it, told him so and he said """ we are just friends""" ect... they talk all the time. he still talks with ow as well. what the H&%$&% am i supposed to do with this</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior when there is no change in attitude within. His behavior is a seed toward EA, if it is not already, specially when he put her above your need.

Check He is not attracted to me ..., probably you could get oppinion from Elanor.

-rh-

<small>[ April 11, 2003, 02:18 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>
Re: What exactly is an emotional affair
#2959637 04/11/03 03:33 PM
Joined: May 2002
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johnh39 Offline
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Re: What exactly is an emotional affair
#2959638 04/11/03 04:06 PM
Joined: Mar 2000
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Eleanor Offline
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Hi Not,

Redhat posted to me about you. My situation is crappy in that H is not making any efforts to fix our marriage, and drags himself about here in a funk...but says he's trying...and that he's giving us a chance. I have let this situation persist too long and am about to put my ffoot down.

If he is physically at home, but emotionally not there at all...your marriage is not on the mend. I feel something drastic has to happen, and I feel I am ready to do it. I do not know where you are in that process.

I will not sit around and watch him get ready for A#3...and I think it's a risk because nothing in our M is getting fixed right now.

Are you ready to take a hard line? have you already done so? what's the situation?
Re: What exactly is an emotional affair
#2959639 04/12/03 12:28 AM
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 270
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hoping4best Offline
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hoping4best
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Agree with your article johnh39 on these points:

3 conditions for EA

-emotional intimacy that is greater than in the marriage
-sexual tension
-secrecy

I think that a general rule would be if your spouse was watching what you are doing, would they feel that your conversation, etc. are "innocent"?
Re: What exactly is an emotional affair
#2959640 04/12/03 07:43 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
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MichaelinDallas Offline
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hoping4best:
<strong>Agree with your article johnh39 on these points:

3 conditions for EA

-emotional intimacy that is greater than in the marriage
-sexual tension
-secrecy

I think that a general rule would be if your spouse was watching what you are doing, would they feel that your conversation, etc. are "innocent"?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A buddy of mine had a great definition of what is/isn't an affair, emotional or otherwise. If you are doing something you would not want your spouse to be doing, then you are cheating.
Michael
Re: What exactly is an emotional affair
#2959641 04/12/03 10:23 AM
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Posts: 270
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hoping4best Offline
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hoping4best
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I wouldn't go that far technically. Your spouse probably wouldn't want you to paint the walls of your house black, but if you did, you wouldn't be cheating. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think your definition is generally right, but need to change the clause of "doing something" to "doing something with a member of the opposite sex"
Re: What exactly is an emotional affair
#2959642 04/12/03 11:31 AM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
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Resilient Offline
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Resilient
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Great article, John39.

My personal definition of cheating is "If you wouldn't do or say something to the opposite sex in front of your spouse, it's more than likely cheating".

Jo

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