there is this lawyer who said he would do a divorce..etc pro bono. i have to pay for fees. anyway, the story is my husband left 12 wks ago. his daughter is living w/me, our daughter is living w/me. he is living w/his 22 yr old whore, my "friend". anyway to make a long story short they say i should file first and they would file something w/this judge that would keep his daughter that he abandoned and for interim child support. they say i need to file to have the upper hand and for them to get the stepdaughter, my daughters half sister. they would give them the evidence that he has abandonded her and ask for me to have temporary custody. then after he is served, 10 days after that there would be a hearing to decide this matter.

they said so much, my brain is so full. i have been praying, hoping he would return. he has made it clear to everyone, and never blown smoke up my A@# that he is coming back. he still has not called to see how the children are or if he could see them.

i just dont know if i should divorce. my husband gave me these uncontested blank divorce papers to sign so he could get a quickie/dime store divorce. i have been avoiding that like a plague. i want him back.. dont know what to do.

Kuljey,
Can you file for a legal separation and get child support, alimony and custody of the kids?
I know you don't want a divorce. If you feel there is no hope and you cannot hold out you can use this divorce to your advantage. Ask for everything-if he is so bent on getting a divorce he might just agree to it to get it over-whatever you do do not sign that do it divorce kit.

never mind

<small>[ April 15, 2003, 06:08 PM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>

Never sign his blank papers! Never sign anything black!
Use the Lawyer. At least get him for abandonment. Even if just separation, you deserver custody and support. But hey, if he's made all these promises and has not come back, go for the gold.
It will either wake him up or you'll see just where you stand with him.
He's already tried to get a divorce, so do it with legal help. Protect you and children first, last and always!
LouLou

bump

Kuljey,
I still think you should wait awhile before initiating the divorce yourself, because if you do so, you will likely be divorced. If you wait on your H to press it, the outcome is less certain.

However, I think with the issues of the kids and with your H cutting off finances you do have solid reasons to go forward, if only to get child support and custodial arrangements taken care of.

Don't sign the blank papers, use the lawyer. Pro bono and only paying fees is a bargain, if he is a good lawyer and he sounds like he is taking into consideration the abandonment & financial issues you have.

And, what is the divorce process like in your state? I live in a 60 day no fault state, but even here, with settlement--and a required parenting class--the divorce can take much longer.

i personally am not ready to be divorced. but what options do i have. i think my WH is being seriously controlled by the 22 yr old whore. even to the point of controlling him going to see his children.

i really do not want divorce. i really would like things to change. but..its been 12 wks.

i am home sick today. physically i am just losing all control. sick sick sick sick.

his daughter said she loves her dad, but is not willing to spend time alone w/him or spend the night at HER house. i am not willing to our 5 yr old spend the night at her house either---the whore said she didnt like our daughter that she is a f'in brat. anyway...

see, i dont think a relationship made from lies can survive, and have been trying to wait it out..
and this waiting has turned into 12 wks, and him avoiding his children.

thanks for your advice!

Kuljey,,,

NO BODY...can be controlled with out their consent...no body.... I know that's a tough one to swallow...but it will help you stay focused on the real issues at hand....

rejoice in the fact that she is so young...she will not tolerate long all of the baggage and guilt he is carrying....and it will come out eventually...

the older daughter that is blessed to be with you...will speak for herself when it comes to his actions...he can't run forever....

investigate thoroughly the issue of him abandoning his daughter with you....

hope you feel better soon...try to take care of you...
ark

Kuljey - I agree with Ark^^ - nobody can be controlled - he is making his own decisions. You maybe should go for some sort of seperation just in order to get child support and temporary custody of both girls - especially the older one that isn't biologically yours. You and your girls are first and foremost the most important thing here... I hope you feel better.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

kuljey:

malcswife sounds like she could use the help of someone in a similar situation right now. Please try to help me help her at: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=023536

regards,
-Qfwfq

Custody and child support are different than divorce.

Now, this girl is 22, once he has to start paying CS, well, how attractive will your H start to be. There will be less $$ for him to spend on her.

If your WH wants visitation, try to get something where she cannot be around them. I have serious questions about a girl who makes comments about a child being a F------ brat and wanting them around my children.

Ignore In-laws. I'm sure what H has done to you, he will do to her and In-laws will probably say the same things to her or about her.

Why did his first marriage fail? Any ideas?

Stay strong, and get the custody arrangements made and the child support. You deserve the child support, and it sounds like you are the best parent for your step child. If you do not have a legal arrangement for her, WH can at anytime, come and get her and send her to her mom.

why did his first marriage fail? he says she cheated on him. i really dont know the honest story. he also said he was having a hard time w/her two sons. they were very bad i guess.

for easter he sent them a package in the mail. IN THE MAIL! like we live in another state or something. we live 30 min from him. he could have taken 1 hour of his time from his whore to come deliver this in person. spend time w/the kids. i know my youngest wants to see him. i am just so furious!!

I've been busy the last few days. Not much time to respond.

He is in a Fog. My H put his "fun 'n the sun" attitude ahead of everything else.

I would not push the issues about him seeing the kids. Let him raise the issue, when he finally sees what he is missing.

One thing I used to do, was when he would call and ask how we were or what we have been doing, I would try to make it sound like it was soooooo much fun. Even if it was more fun than it really was. I wanted him to know he was missing out on the fun without telling him he was missing out.