I feel like I am backed into a corner and I can't move. Can someone please help me make sense of the situation I am in?!!

I am starting to lose hope that this is a saveable situation, since my H has been saying persistently for the last 2 months that we are finished.

Here is the story:

I had to leave town for two months Jan-Feb '03 on military training. A week before I left,
we had a large argument - can't remember what about, only recall that it began with some small issue and turned into big R-issue discussion. He brought up the topic of separating, but we didn't actually discuss it.
(I should have probed a bit further, in retrospect )

When I returned home on Feb23 '03, H had left. He had paid all the bills, only took his personal possessions, re-arranged the house so that I could rent out the spare room. He left his prized video player and computer printer behind for me to use. I was devastated by his departure, but tried to put on a brave face, and did things such as gather up the possessions he had left behind and handed them over. (Maybe, in retrospect, this gave him the impression that I was clearing him from my life)

After 4 weeks, I asked for his key back. I was constantly saying to him that we could work things out, but he just kept insisting that there was "too much water under the bridge". I even asked him if there was another person in his life (I actually named OW!!) but he denied it.

During this time, he made appointments for us to see a MC. He went alone, then I went alone, and then we went together. In the session where we went together, he said that he was ending our marriage - "incompatability". Again, I was devastated. We had a further session with that counsellor, where we did some really lame work on getting rid of resentments. (we wrote them on bits of paper and burned them in her office!!)

Six weeks after I arrived home to find my H had moved out, he told me about the A. It had started in Nov '03, while we were still living together. (BTW, he has told his family he met OW after moving out) It was still going on, but he agreed to end it the next day, after we had agreed to reconcile. I found MBers and began a kind of Plan A. Been trying to Plan A now for nearly 4 weeks. Since then he has been in contact with OW at least twice- she called him on his cell (so he knew it was her before answering) and he took the call. He has agreed not to have any contact with her until we have sorted out our R issues. I don't trust him to keep his word on this, however.

I refused to return to see that MC because she advised my H that he didn't need to tell me about the A.

Then a week passed where he refused to have any contact with me. He said that the thought of reconciling with me made him feel suicidal!! He came over to my place and told me -broken record style - for 2 hours that the M was over. This upset me so much I practically begged him to reconsider. (I am not an emotional person usually) Later that night, I spoke to him on the phone. I have never been more upset in my life. He came over to console me, ended up staying the night, but freaked out saying that it felt all wrong.

The next thing was that we went to see a new MC. WH only came along to help me get over the situation (his words), not with a view to reconciliation. I thought that the session went well, but H was hostile and angry at the end, saying that he hadn't been listened to. Actually, he talked for about 70% of the time, he was angry that the MC pointed out to him that he was blaming me entirely for his A.

I made contact with one of H's new friends. A guy named M who has been supporting my H. M recommended the first MC we saw. M ended his first marriage by having an A. It was then that I realised that it seemed as if my H was living out a script handed to him by M. 3 months before my H began his A, M had told my H what had happened to his first marriage, along with all of his justifications and overinflated divorce stats.

Then my H went on holiday for a week. He contacted me via text message. I ignorantly LB-ed (thanks MB, for telling me this) and then apologised. I realised that I was hanging out for ANY contact at all with him - even text msg. I am miserable and empty inside without knowing what he is doing and not being able to talk to him.

This brings me up to the current time. Since he returned from holiday, my H has avoided me. He has lied to me about being home (yes, I did a drive-by). He has made his schedule so busy this week that I cannot even book a time to see him. All contact is on his terms. He is only contacting me via text message, and I am too scared to try to phone him in case I say the wrong thing and blow my chances.

I am dead scared of losing my H. This is the worst feeling in the world. He seems so distant, and wants to keep putting barriers up between us. We have been living apart now for 4 months one way or another. I am aware of the failures on my part which led to him being unfaithful, but he refuses to entertain the possibility that I am genuine in my desire to change and be a better wife. He hasn't given me a chance at all - when I returned home to find he had left, he had already decided that it was all over. No negotiation at all.

Someone said to me the other day that the message he is giving is pretty clear. He wants to go and I will be better off without him. I know that is the easy way out. Rebuilding a marriage which has gone this far down the tubes is much harder than simply walking away.

Although he persistently says it is over, he hasn't mentioned DV. I don't think that he feels right about initiating the DV because of the A. He seems to be trying to manipulate and frustrate me into DV-ing him.

WHAT DO I DO NOW???? Plan A is wearing me out. I am constantly waiting for him to contact me - which he doesn't. When I do hear from him, I read far too much into the brief, factual messages he leaves.

Is there really no hope? We have been married 5 years, with no kids. Would it be better to cut our losses and move on? (My heart says no!)

The person I have been dealing with is not the H I remember. Will he ever return to his old self? I am beginning to forget what he was like. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It was only about 4 days ago that I made it out of the shocked stage. So WH and I have not actually had a proper, rational conversation. The chances of this type of converstion taking place seem so small, I just feel so awful thinking that it is all over.

It is starting to seem beyond me to be able to turn this around.

Can someone please help me to see what to do from here?