some background....been married 25 years, 2 kids (21&13). Found out 3 weeks ago that H has been talking to another women, states nothing physical happened, YET! After trying to deal with this, he confessed to an affair 10 years ago and that he has not been happy in our marriage for at least that long, if not longer. Now feels it's better to separate temporarily but doesn't want to rush into a divorce. Needs to be "alone" but I know he has intentions to seek female companionship, if not with the same women he claims he hasn't talked to since. He really says he has no intimate feelings for me anymore, been too long since he's felt that way towards me. Sometimes I get the feeling that he stills does care but he keeps reminding me that I'm not hearing him right, he doesn't want to be with me anymore! I don't want to believe it, want us to stay together. Do I have any chance? Said he would go to counseling with me but doesn't see it changing his mind only making me realize that he doesn't want to be a part of this marriage any more. The sad thing is that we really get along and have a good friendly relationship, except for the intimacy, which is pretty much the way it's been for most of the last 15 years or so. He's so emotionally shut down. I really do love him and want this work!

memu- First let me say hello and welcome to Marriage Builders.

The root to finding happiness in your marriage is to identify your most important emotional needs. I would suggest you purchase His Needs/Her Needs from the bookstore.

In the meantime, you can read about the emotional needs and fill out the questionaire to give you an idea of a starting point. Once you have identified your most important EN's (emotional needs) and his you can start to learn how to fullfill them. At first you only be filling his EN's but after some time he should be willing to leanr how to fill yours.

A good marriage counselor is a must. Might I suggest the Harleys or you could go to www.saveyourmarriage.com for a wonderful MC.

Has he said what the source of his unhappiness is? What made him decide to look at this OW (other woman)?

Good Luck. Keep reading and keep posting!

Read up on
Dr Harley's Basic Concepts,
What Are Plan A and Plan B?,
How to Overcome Love Busters and
How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage.

Take a deep breath before you make any decisions. Don’t wanna jump the gun.

<small>[ May 10, 2003, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>