well i had some stress this eve. there was a water main break in my area and there was no water all day. good thing my little one was at day care, and the oldest was home. it wasnt back on when i got home from work so we RAN to my friends house about 10 min away and showered for the next day (we just got home.) anyway when i got home after checking the mail...MY HEART STOPPED...MY HUSBAND WROTE. he didnt write me, he wrote the girls. each had a separate letter. anyway, i am gonna put them up and want you all to help me. i am having a bit O' anxiety right now. (PS..if the spellings are off i am just copying how/what he wrote.)
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Dear Elena,

As i look up and stare at my visor of my van, I cant help but wonder how you are doing? I look at your smile I see you again I know that youll smile big for me once again. I miss you ever day and am sorry that i havent called to talk to you. what vidios do you have or want to have so i can buy them for you. what about going swimming with me at the pool in corrales. Ill get a hotel with a pool so you and elizabeth and I (just me) can have some fun together.

Have mommy write a letter with you so i can know how youre doing and elizabeth also.

I love you Elena,

Love Daddy
Jon David
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Dear Elizabeth,

How are you doing? You probably didnt think youd hear from me huh? well ive been thinking about you and elena everyday. i stare at you both on my visor and wonder how and what youve been up to. why am i writing this letter to you? because i still love and care about you (even thougth you may not think so.) i think you get out of shool on fri may 30, am i right? what are you plans this summer? do you and elizabeth want to stay in hotel with me (just me) for a weekend and go swimming? please write me back soon so i can hear what your plans are this summer.

i love and miss you now and always will.

love from your daddy

jon david
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I told the girl about the letters. the oldest said no she didnt want them. my youngest said her daddy broke her heart. they are going to send them back. he doesnt even know that my youngest has glasses now and has a loose tooth and that she graduated---oooh it was so cute---she had on a tiny cap and gown. and HIS daughter graduates tommorow from elementary to middle school----which is a big big deal to her! MADNESS!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

f he wants to come over & visit, let him but I HIGHLY recommend you do NOT let him take them anywhere.

Since he has not been around them or in contact with them at all for 2+ months, he has proven his parenting abilities (at least for now) are in question.

Kuljey,

Time to let the children know how they feel. I know you will hurt to see them hurt but part of their healing is for them to know it is ok to express themselves. To be honest even if it hurts.

How the WS takes it is not your main concern. Just let your children express themselves. U never know how much of an impact it can have.

Funny how your H says everytime he looks at the visor. Isn't there anywhere else he has a picture of the children? Just wondering.

Sending you a cyber hug.

take care,
L.

chris===i have the same same feeling! parenting issues are in question.

orchid--thanks for the hug. i REALLY REALLY need it. GOD THAT IS A GOOD point, the visor of his WORK van. OH MY GOSH, that is the only place apparently there is a pic. Geez i am sick now.

What is up w/him you all. why 1 letter in 2 months or so.
Really: <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Kuljey,

Need U NOT 2 B sick but use this insight as a wayy to help you heal. Keep your head clear.

1. He misses the children enough to send a letter.

2. 'Supposedly' holds a picture of them in the visor of his car.

3. Has NOT sent in CS $$$ (vital to survival and definite proof of his care and love of his children, regardless of whether he cares for you - sorry to sound so brutal but it is true at least for now).

4. Has not contacted family in several months.

Those are facts right? Ok, now here's a few observations.

1. He is trying to send you a message via the children. Not a good sign but not a totally negative one either.... is he a conflict avoider?

2. He acknowledges that you need to be consulted before contact is made. Score a +!

3. He is coming to see the children and not burdening you with his presence. At least for now.

Is any of the above 3 items make sense to you? How do you think you should react?

U have time to prepare.

take care,
L.

1. He is trying to send you a message via the children. Not a good sign but not a totally negative one either.... is he a conflict avoider?
*OH sure, i see the avoider part totally. But what msg is he trying to send me? If there is one its I DONT LOVE YOU, NEVER DID, I LOVE MY WHORE.

2. He acknowledges that you need to be consulted before contact is made. Score a +!
*I AM GLAD HE DOES. THE GIRLS WERE TORN AND SAD--I AM ASSUMING BY THEIR BEHAVIOR AND WORDS. I THOUGHT THEY WERE ASLEEP WHEN I CHECKED ON THEM. THEY EACH HAVE THEIR OWN ROOM BUT THEY DECIDED TO SLEEP TOGETHER. THE 'LETTERS' SHOW ME THAT HE ACTS LIKE WE LIVE IN ANCHORAGE, AK. I MEAN REALLY, HE LIVES MAYBE 30-40MIN AWAY W/TRAFFIC.

3. He is coming to see the children and not burdening you with his presence. At least for now.
*YEA I SEE THAT.

Now this morning after sleeping (fell asleep around 1am) and got up shockingly at about 620. I had a dream just before i woke up (and am tired and was not ready to get up) about me and my WH. last nite i was angry, this morning i am crying. the dream felt so real. it felt soo sooo real. this morining i am sooo tired because of the short amt of sleep i got. but, i am really really sad this morning---having the real feeling that he wanted me back and was sorry is killing me. My roller coaster is running again. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Kuljey,

I wanted to add something *I* saw in his letters, too.

He made it abundantly clear he would be alone (no ow) at a hotel to spend time with the girls. I thnk this is progress!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I DONT LOVE YOU, NEVER DID, I LOVE MY WHORE.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, Kuljey, I don't think this is it....

I think he's rethinking his "choices" now, and sending up a "trial balloon" to test the waters, begin to smooth things over for his mistakes.

I agree with Orchid, the children need to write those letters. Even if they are full of pure anger, and telling him they don't want to see him now, he needs to see what he has produced. NO COMMENTS from you in them, tho. Just help younger one put her comments to him on paper. Older one may choose to write or not, then send letter(s) on to him. Period. Still his move.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

God Bless you and your children.

Hi,

How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

JUST very sad. Nothing is new. My uncle is here trying to get my ac working and i dont know where some stuff to it are. My WH did all that. Very frustrating.

NOW his dad is mad at me cuz my stepdaughter (WHs daughter) is mad at him. He didnt attend her 5th grade graduation and he attended my little ones PreK to K grad. She said to his wife (my stepdaughters grandmother) that family should be priority WHICH I AM TEACHING HER. and he is VERY MAD AT ME cuz he says i put that notion in her head and making her mad at him! I asked her if it is my fault she is upset, she said no. Anywhoo, i am just worn out...he blame me for WH leaving, he blames me for WH not visiting the kids, he blames me for my stepdaughter being mad at me! How is that my fault? I always talk to her about my family, how i love them, how i always want to help them, spend time w/them..etc. She is very happy w/my family and always likes to spend time w/them, they give her the time of day, they all went to her 5th grade grad. I dont get it! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Originally posted by kuljey:
JUST very sad. Nothing is new. My uncle is here trying to get my ac working and i dont know where some stuff to it are. My WH did all that. Very frustrating.

Orchid: Good that your uncle is helping out. Yes it is frustrating to depend on others but as long as they are willing to help and you maintain a gracious attitude, well that now becomes your extended working family. It will help make your family bond stronger. Something U have and WS doesn't.

Kuljey: NOW his dad is mad at me cuz my stepdaughter (WHs daughter) is mad at him. He didnt attend her 5th grade graduation and he attended my little ones PreK to K grad. She said to his wife (my stepdaughters grandmother) that family should be priority WHICH I AM TEACHING HER. and he is VERY MAD AT ME cuz he says i put that notion in her head and making her mad at him!

Orchid: That is HIS problem. Let him cool down and think about his actions. Don't expect him to figure it out too quickly after all that is his son who is acting like the loser for all to see and it probably doesn't sit well with him. Your FIL maybe taking his anger at the wrong person but he may not be able to put it where it belongs. Remember that 'teflon' coating the WS seems to have in that fog!

Kuljey: I asked her if it is my fault she is upset, she said no.

Orchid: Good. Now just keep those lines of communication open. It is a good sign that your stepdaughter is more comfortable with you. She needs support and reassurance also.

In turn, she can be a valuable supporter and an extra pair of eyes and ears.

Kuljey: Anywhoo, i am just worn out...he blame me for WH leaving, he blames me for WH not visiting the kids, he blames me for my stepdaughter being mad at me! How is that my fault?

Orchid: It isn't. Just remember as a parent he maybe hurting. Maybe send him a card and 'briefly' let him know you understand he may be frustrated in his son's actions.....let him know you are also. If you can, let him know that it may be good if the family's could support each other and NOT condone the A. Ask him for suggestions how to do this. Then let him figure out how he can do that.

Kuljey: I always talk to her about my family, how i love them, how i always want to help them, spend time w/them..etc. She is very happy w/my family and always likes to spend time w/them, they give her the time of day, they all went to her 5th grade grad. I dont get it! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Orchid: Good. Remember U and your stepdaughter need each other a lot right now. Your whole family need each other. Encourage them to speak their mind. Be prepared to hear some negative stuff. Don't be afraid to show some tears. They are expecting it. Let them know you appreciate the children and how they are helping you cope but also let them know that you want them to be children and not little adults.

take care,
L.

Hi Kuljey,

How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

just like post Dday or post the day he moved out.. sort of numb, cant believe it. Very tired.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />