Here's my situation:

I am currently legally seperated from my husband and I am living with my parents in our hometown. My husband's step-dad(who raised him since husband was three) lives about 15 minutes away and are always asking to see our son. I don't mind them seeing him, it's just that I'm uncomfortable around them. I feel that I'm making them pick sides. I'm not but it just feels strange being in their house without my husband. When we would visit family, we would stay at his dad's house. It just feels ackward for me right now.

Another problem I have is that husband will be in town towards the end of the month, so son will be staying there with husband. I feel like I'm getting use to the idea of being at their house with my son and I don't know how I'll be able to handle it when I'll just be dropping my son off.

So, my question is, how should I handle my in-laws wanting to see my son? Should I just drop him off and go on my way or should I make small talk with them? I really like them a lot but I don't want to be hurt by them when husband is in town. Husband is military and will be moving on to his next duty station from here.

Rebecca

Well, my FIL still likes me, and still sends Xmas and birthday gifts to me. There have been a couple times in the past year-and-a-half, where I asked him to do something with or for the kids. Same with SIL, she was not speaking with STBX for a long time, and SIL only saw her nephews and niece through me. Now that is apparently mended between STBX and SIL.

Anyway, if you had a good relationship with the inlaws, they will be somewhat torn and will not wish to pick sides. They may be concerned most about their grandkids. All of this sounds like your situation so far.

One thing I did, around the same time I sent a plan B letter to my STBX, was to send a different letter to the inlaws. Without mentioning an affair, this letter explained that we were separated and that, while I hoped to continue a good relationship with them and I hoped to restore the marriage, in the meantime I would not be able to attend family functions with my STBX. Even though, as stated in the letter, I had nothing against any of them. I think this has been a good policy and I'm glad I sent that letter.

With your inlaws in person, you can be cordial, talk about the kids, talk about all sorts of things except your marriage. But when your husband is present, it should be just a quick pickup or dropoff.

When your husband comes back, I might suggest that he do the transportation for these visits, or that you at least split it.

I do stay off the topic of our marriage. I think they know more about what happened than I do. Today, they invited son and I boating. We went. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That's why I asked the question. I am stressing out about what will happen when husband is here. I still love him and am having limited contact with him.
Rebecca

Luna, my inlaws were my greatest source of strength and support during my husband's affair.

I spent alot of family time with them...because no matter what their son was doing, they were still my children's grandparents.

I also told them exactly what was going on - and it was the bets thing I ever did.

Hi Rebecca - since the inlaws are clued in, maybe you can just tell them that extensive contact with your husband would be too stressful, until he decides what he wants to do. It sounds like they will understand.

- Tom

Luna Dove,

I'm sorry to hear about your separation.

I was just reading your sig line and was wondering where were you overseas?