If anyone has any insight from their own experience or from the experiences they know others have gone through as to how people become groupies and if groupies can ever honestly form friendships w/ their former sex partners I would appreciate it.

My g/f has left me for the groupie lifestyle she claimed to have not needed anymore, though now she believes these ex-lovers are purely her friends. I'm devastated, especially since, her time w/ them will be maybe a few times a month and we were 24/7. I can't make sense of it. Anyone know what makes a groupie a groupie?? I'd really like to know what needs they are meeting of hers that I am unable to meet.

<small>[ August 02, 2003, 09:36 PM: Message edited by: dayfuller ]</small>

Day..

First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I know the feeling well.

Second and most importantly, you DON'T need this girl. She doesn't care about herself, you or anyone really except for herself and her behavior proves that. Please move on and find someone who cares for you and respects you.

I would rather be alone the rest of my life than with someone like your g/f. They are TOXIC individuals.

Wishing you the best.

Bryan

df,

How did she react to the posts over on the EN board? I thought she got some pretty good responses. It sounds like it made her angry at first, but maybe she will think about it and some of the good advice will sink in. I few people got a bit harsh....that can happen here sometimes. I hope she changes her mind and is willing to grow into a real relationship....if not....you really are lucky she's run off with the band. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

She decided to go the show and we haven't talked in over 24hrs...apparently she stayed over night, the show was about 2-3hrs. away from here. If she decided to drink I'm glad she made that choice, I honestly think it had more to do w/ staying near 'the guys' instead of being near me where she may have to reflect a little and then be tempted to get in touch w/ me...which I'm still very up in the air w/ how to handle.

I already said if she chose to see them our emotional and romantic ties must be severed. I really believe she's blinded by her unfetted 'friendship' w/ one or maybe all of these guys.

I'm all knotted up inside though, because now I'm going through all the different things I could have done so she didn't feel like she'd still need them in her life anymore. I know everyone is more than how they behave and I've honestly tolerated quite a bit, as well, I'm sure she'd say the same thing. I really think she is going to blossom into an angel once she figures out how to see her beauty more clearly for herself and not vicariously through the oogling glare of the eyes of guys who want to only get into her panties. She is wonderful and brilliant and creative and funny and I'm still head over heels for her, but we are obviously looking for different things in a relationship. <Gulp>

<small>[ August 02, 2003, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: dayfuller ]</small>

Just for the record ... I have some dear friends among my former lovers. I know the Harleys don't like this idea, and maybe it is generally unwise. But when I'm done with a relationship, I'm done. I've never resumed sex with someone after the relationship was over.

A.M.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong>Just for the record ... I have some dear friends among my former lovers. I know the Harleys don't like this idea, and maybe it is generally unwise. But when I'm done with a relationship, I'm done. I've never resumed sex with someone after the relationship was over.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't want to sound judgemental or sexist here, but I'm guessing you are a female since for females sexual needs aren't usually a priority and the emotional needs can still be met w/ you and possibly your partner feeling safe am I correct?

I also feel that is where my ex (weird sounding so soon) is at though I believe her to be walking a very fine line between platonic friends and emotional infidelity. I could be wrong, but no matter what it's still causing me sleepless, frustrating nights and she didn't care. so ...say la vee sp?? <--- oooo I really wish I could feel that carefree about the whole thing. I think i need to read some break-up posts now...what an introduction to this forum....thank you so much in advance to everyone that's contributed to my posts, very helpful stuff.

<small>[ August 02, 2003, 10:42 PM: Message edited by: dayfuller ]</small>

You're right. I'm female. And I may not be typical in this regard. The Harleys may be right that it's just not worth the risk, and that for most people it isn't this way. I would trust your gut. My H never had a reason to feel uncomfortable about my male friends before he moved out. (He's getting uncomfortable now, however. Too bad. I'm still faithful.)

But I did want to say that it IS possible.

We don't know whether she would ever resume sex with the band or not. However, the fact that she would choose to pursue friendships that she knows hurt you speaks volumes.

I know this breakup hurts, but I truly think you would be better off without her. And I hope your next girlfriend will be willing and able to care for your feelings, not just her "freedom" to do as she likes.

Kathi

Day..

Putting all of the Plutonic talk aside. Please tell me why you want this girl to be your girlfriend? What outstanding qualities does she have? Is she caring, honest, genuine, loving, etc?? I think you are trying to over-analyze the pluntonic mumbo-jumbo here.

Day..

What is the latest with your situation?

Day..

How is it going for you now?