What about those WSs who must always be right?

My H is one of those -- controlling, dominating, blissfully oblivious to inferior beings. Has the whole community mesmerized into believing whatever he does must be right.

My biggest concern is that his "I'm okay" rational act -- which, believe me, is convincing -- will hold together and delude even him. That everything will move on, with me thrown off the ship. This won't be good for anybody -- least of all him. He's a guy with serious problems.

Spoke with an agency today about separating our stuff (at H's request). When the person looked at my H's new number, they said, "Oh, I know that number by heart. We deal with her account." Apparently, OW has left some unpleasant impression there as well.

Under these circumstances, I figure there MUST be something going haywire in the A by now. She's a strange person, and it's GOT to be playing out. But he will never admit it. She's crackers. So this could take years to play out, with his stubborn, serene insistence that he never, ever makes a mistake.

His act is even beginning to convince even me. Even I think everything may be okay, and I'm way off the mark. Maybe I'm the one going nuts.

Anyone deal with anything like this?

<small>[ August 05, 2003, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

OMG, alien clone, sex change and you have my W!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

One of the big things recently that "turned around" was her / my IC. For the longest time she had her convinced that she was making sooo much progress! Now and then IC would tell me so... "don't doubt that she isn't really digging deep." Well... maybe I was the crazy one, right? Maybe it was all some necessary stage for W to grow. Hmmm... then last I spoke to IC, she admitted, "well, some people will avoid the hard issues, are afraid to really dig, and so there's very little to talk about", referring to W. Indeed, I imagine their sessions are pretty bland for the $120 / hr. she pays (not covered either).

So yes, you're not alone in your wonderment!

Hey wow! She's in counseling! My H only agreed to counseling because he thought it would help get me to chill after my finding out about pornography addiction and then D-Day.

HE didn't need help....noooooooo...not him....

And then after relapse/false recovery he thought I was overreacting. Crazy wife, again.

The scary thing, JR, is that for a few brilliant moments in the first few months of the year, he was scared, afraid of ending his marriage, vulnerable, wanting help...all that...and now it's getting papered over with this facade again.

I'm really scared for the lonely person inside of there that must be really hurting, and bruising other people to hide his own pain. That sounds so weird to be writing that about HIM, of all people, but for a few short weeks, months, I saw that. And now everything has moved into denial again.

As a friend of mine said, "Nobody gets real till after they hit the wall." What if not even then?

Yes, the job she did on your counselor sounds just like my H.

The sad part is people with that "I'm right " attitude , thick head ect.

When they crash they really crash , hating to admit they could be "WRONG" or made a MISTAKE OMG how they try to stay in denial and your right , the sad part is it is not good for anyone most of all them self .

No it is not weird that you still are concerned for knowing him , that he must be bruised inside .

Its that loving part of the WS that we KNOW about that gives us the strenght to continue .

You know there act and you know there ways . SCARY isn't it .

He will be lucky to have you there when he crashs and burns , when he one day will have to look at himself , and not be able to run from the person he is .

Take care of you !!

"The man who must always be right...." is an insecure individual. His insecurity wears the mask of narcissism.

"The man who must always be right ..." must believe his own lies to protect his self-image of perfection.

"The man who must always be right ...." is forever vigilent someone will discover his secret self doubts.

"The man who must always be right ...." will never feel loved for who he really is, because he feels he is unlovable deep down.

"The man who must always be right ..." requires a partner who is agreeable for pretending perfection at all costs.

"The man who must always be right .... " relies on others affirming his worth as a man.

"The man who must always be right ..." has an insatiable appetite for public adoration.

Just my opinion.

Pep (Who used to "always be right", and who will forerever remain grateful for my face smacking HARD against the wall of humility)

Oh Pepper and 3, you know exactly what I'm talking about! I think he rejected me because I did know this side of him, and loved him anyway. OW could give him unqualified adoration -- his #1 emotional need that he never admits -- and I could not. No wife can after a few years, surely. A mature relationship isn't like that.

I pray for a big crash, because a little one won't teach him anything.

Pep!, used your words as today's affirmation building worksheet. My words in parenthesis. E-mailed to dustdawg, he is *such* the affirmation hound. Trying to show it in words, deeds and have just rented a sky-writer to trail it across the sky in smoke...I affirm you! (although "Surrender Dorothy", is still my favorite.)

"The man who must always be right...." is an insecure individual. His insecurity wears the mask of narcissism. (I can make you feel secure enough to take off any mask and feel the weightlessness of selflessness)

"The man who must always be right ..." must believe his own lies to protect his self-image of perfection. (You can tell me the truth and when you are in doubt, and the image I have of you will not change.)

"The man who must always be right ...." is forever vigilant someone will discover his secret self-doubts. (I know your self-doubts as if they were my own and any disclosure of them wouldn’t uncover anything that wasn’t a part of us.)

"The man who must always be right ...." will never feel loved for who he really is, because he feels he is unlovable deep down. (When you were the most unlovable, I put forth the most effort to love you again.)

"The man who must always be right ..." requires a partner who is agreeable for pretending perfection at all costs. (Not perfection at all costs, but truth at all costs, because truth never requires you the disagreeable burden of pretending.)

"The man who must always be right .... “Relies on others affirming his worth as a man. (Peers might do that ordinarily but from my special vantage point in your life, I can affirm your worth and have it be extraordinarily peerless.)

"The man who must always be right ..." has an insatiable appetite for public adoration. (How about an insatiable appetite for adoration in very non-public places?)

Oh!!! you sweeties that started this thread, talking about carrying the burden of living with a
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">controlling, dominating, blissfully oblivious to inferior beings. Has the whole community mesmerized into believing whatever he does must be right.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...you had to gag at my Pollyanna-reply of " affirmation building worksheet"...maybe I should have said that the The man who must always be right was the jerk that was living in the DustDawgies cark-[censored] some years ago. After I hit "add reply" here, and sent it via emial to the new-and-improved-dustdawg....I fell into a funk thinking of the banty-rooster that strutted around my life and made me mighty sad, some years ago.

So what changed him? What made him go from thinking that he was top-dog to dustdawg? When it hit him that no top-dog would throw what we worked on for years away for a mega-phone. A Mega-phoney, of mis-directed praise at a person, he really wasn't.

Gosh, he'd still would have to be playing a part if he hadn't looked me in the eyes when I said, "come on, we know each other better than that!"

Y'all are convincing me there might be hope for my H...though he really is a hard, hard case with a very thick shell. He sucks up public adoration like a sea lamphrey.

AMM - My WS is the same. He holds a very high profile position. To the outside world he is the happiest man alive. After 2yrs, I am thinking when is his mask going to come off. When is he going to hit that brick wall.

He can pretend as much as he wants to the outside world and his OW who has elevated him to the status of "God" but when he speaks to us his family, what I hear is the insecure, unloved, person who is begging his children not to stop loving him.

I can just keep on smiling because I know that facade will not last a life time.

Thanks PEP - You have described my WS in each sentence. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ginny, Dead-on again. I notice a long time between moving out and D. Is that a symptom?