I have been reading about telling everyone and bringing the A out in the open, but there are so many contradicting statements. I am scared that if I start blowing the whistle that I will run my wife off.

Do I do everything to expose the A or anything or nothing?

B

Your fear is your worst enemy and it will sabotage any intelligent, well thought out efforts to save your marriage. Besides your fear can't prevent your wife from ending your marriage if she so desires, so its best to accept the fact that your fear is an obstacle in your fight to save your marriage.

The reason why exposure of the A(affair) when the WS refuses to end it, is to inject a lethal dose of reality into the relationship. You see most A's rely on lies and deception not only of the BS(betrayed spouse) but of close friends and family as well. While the A is hidden from others, the affairees don't have to deal with the consequences of their illicit relationship. Once an A is exposed, the affairees can no longer use the excuse that they are 'just friends' to those closest to them. The enjoyment they received will now be forever tainted with the knowledge that they may not be well received by them anymore. Eventually the same lies and deception that gave birth to the A will start giving way to its death.

Without exposure, the A can go on for a long, long time before it dies, and by that time your desire to save your marriage will have died as well.

Brecovering:

Too Much Coffeeman just wrote you an outstanding post as to why it is essential to expose the affair to the light of day. Please read and then reread it again. The longer you wait the worst it will be in the long run. I wish you luck.

Ditto what Coffeeman and Bryan said.

Exposing might pi** her off, but it wont run her off...she has already run off!

Instead, reality and truth will now win the day.

In His arms.

<small>[ August 11, 2003, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Expose! Who says you have to inform her it's you doing the exposing? Just do it. LouLou

How is it best to word the expossure when the WS swears up and down that they have done nothing wrong (FOG talk)?

How is it best to expose the EA/PA when the WS is so much in denial that they may never admitt it even to themselves?

What about the off-chance that the BS is wrong?

How do you expose what ever is happening then?

Great name! However, the historical Hypatia was something of a victim -- though she didn't act like one.

My H too said he felt like he had done "nothing wrong." Well then, let him play it out in a bigger arena than our home. You can't argue about that sort of thing. Let him play out his wonderful liberated ideas before family and friends. However, the PA was an established fact at that point.

<small>[ August 14, 2003, 11:18 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong>Great name! However, the historical Hypatia was something of a victim -- though she didn't act like one.

.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she fought for what she believed in