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Joined: Nov 2003
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Help,my wife left me 8 weeks ago & moved in with her lover,the affair had been running since april.
I have seen my wife quite a few times since the split and the meetings have been very friendly,and she confides in me all thier arguments etc,last friday she announced that she had thought about leaving him, moving to her mums for a while & then trying again with me.Then 1 week later she blows me out saying that i should get on and build a life of my own and forget about her.So confused and hurt,was on plan A,do you think plan B would work with her living with her lover?
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Joined: Aug 2002
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Keefee, can you give us a little more information. How long married, any kids, OM's marrital status, etc....
MTD
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Joined: Oct 2003
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Kinda the same situation as me Keefee. My H left me two minutes after confessing, to go and begin a brand new life with the OP also.
Four weeks later he did the same thing your wife has done. He called me on the phone one night, told me that he thought he'd made a mistake, he wanted to come home and see if we could work things out. Next day he blew me off totally. I figured that he and OW had had their first fight ~ maybe your wife and the OM did too.
You can expect more of the same behaviour from her, if she is anything like my WS was. He wavered a lot, put me through five months of hell with his constant wavering!!! It seems now eight months later, that he has at last made his choice ~ the OW.
Wish I had PlanB'd way back when this wavering was taking place. I would advise PlanB sooner rather than later.
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THANKS FOR REPLY,ME IM 41 J MY WIFE 43. I WAS MARRIED BEFORE HAD 2 CHILDREN.
THEN MET J,TOGETHER 13 YEARS MARRIED FOR 7 WONDERFUL YEARS,WHILE STARTING MY NEW BUSINESS HAD A FEW PROBS WITH BUSINESS & NEGLECTED J,WHEN MY BUSINESS FAILED IN JANUARY WENT TO WORK FOR A LOCAL COMPANY,THEN IN APRIL SHE ANNOUNCED SHE WAS LEAVING ME,SOMETHING INSIDE HER HAD DIED FOR ME,JUNE I RECIEVED A ANONYMOUS LETTER SAYING J& G(LOVER)WERE AN ITEM.JULY J MOVED BACK WITH ME, THEN IN SEPT SHE WENT TO A WEDDING WHERE I SAW THEM TOGETHER,BLEW MY TOP & THREW HER OUT,I THOUGHT SHE WOULD GO TO HER MUMS BUT SHE DIDNT.THATS IT FOLKS THE WRECKING OF MY LIFE LOCK STOCK & TWO SMOKING LOVERS !!!!!
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Joined: Oct 2003
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IMO she needs to see you actually moving on with your life without her before it will dawn on her that she will never be part of your life again. That is when the fantasy balloon will burst. The reality of what life will be with the OM will then take center stage in which all his warts, dirty laundry, will start making him look like a looser.
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Joined: Sep 2002
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I agree, move on a bit-Plan A . In time this affair will end, and she'll come crawling back.
It certainly happened in my case, only exH had moved on for good- thus far.
Your wife is confused and not thinking clear AT ALL at this point. Be strong, and take care of YOU.
If you do still love her, let her know that-but do a strong Plan A for now.
HP
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Joined: Jan 2002
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keefee I'd like for you to read the Plan B letter that Jon (the BH) gave to Sue (the WW) in Harley's 'Surviving An Affair': </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "My Dear Sue.
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped your affair with Greg possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and creat a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Greg once and for all.
Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.
I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Greg, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.
I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.
I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as your are seeing Greg.
With my love.
Jon</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jon delivered the letter to Sue and he also sent a copy to Greg with a note at the bottom saying: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "I love Sue with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for her to give me that chance."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
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Joined: Mar 2002
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My BIL went through a similar situation with my sister. When he was begging her to come back, crying, sniveling etc... it was a real turn off to her. Then he hit the mad stage. And she made the comment to a friend that she liked him much better at the mad stage than the crying ... stage. I think he's headed toward indifference now. Not sure how she's going to like that. What will probably end up happening is that as soon as he's moved on, she'll come running back. -Only to find out she's lost the best thing she ever had in her life. What's that old saying "Why do we want what we know we can't have?"
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Many thanks to all that have replied to me,you are really helping me.
Help through wisdom is a powerfull stimulant.
Please continue to write i need all the perspectives to help.
Thanks.
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