I also posted this on the EN's board...

Lately, I have been seeing alot of posters advising someone to go into Plan B because of what their WS is doing or not doing and I can't help but notice that it does not fit the explanation of Plan B that Steve gave me during my phone session with him. Steve made clear that Plan B is about the BS and has nothing to do with the WS. It is intended to preserve what little love we have left for WS, not to force WS' hand. As he described it, it is time to go into Plan B when more days than not in a given week, the BS wants nothing more to do with the WS. He made clear to me that it was not to get my WH to do what I wanted him to do or not do. It was solely for ME to preserve my love for WH.

Interestingly, after almost two years of dealing with WH's A, including over 20 false recoveries and the fact that WH is living in another country with OW at this point in time, given my situation Steve advised me Plan B was not where he felt I should be.

Please, remember that Plan B is about preserving our love and not about getting the WS to act or not act or make a decision regarding the M. If you have a question as to whether you should be in Plan B or not, talk to Steve, Jennifer or Cerri.

BB

PS, WH, if you are reading this, please know that I love you very much and want you to come home, which is why Steve said no way to Plan B!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ November 19, 2003, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: Brit's Brat ]</small>

Brit (or should I say Brat? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), I think you're so far past loving your husband that you've forgotten what it feels like.

Either that or you're a saint. A real, live, saint, not the fake kind.

So... knowing nothing at all about your story, I will only note that the usual length of a Plan A for a woman is three months. Again, I don't know your story, but I'd suggest that at this point you're enabling your husband's affair to the detriment of your own self, your own needs, and your own mental health.

Yep, I know I'm going against Steve's advice. Still, if it's been two years, I would have to say that what you're doing isn't working. Not even close to working. Your husband is living in another country with the OW, and you're not in Plan B?????

Err. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

With all due respect J, I am doing anything but enabling WH's A. I think that, if I were enabling WH's A, Steve would have told me as much (as part of his counseling, he asks detailed questions about the situation and the marriage). He did not. He feels that I should continue on with my current approach because by 1) meeting WH's EN's as best I can from the distance, along with 2) working on myself to eliminate my negative behaviors (LB's) - not for WH, but for myself to improve ME - is indirectly having a positive impact. (Don't want to give details but suffice it to say I am seeing the benefits for both me, personally, and recovering my marriage).

The purpose of my post was to point out that perhaps we, as posters, shouln't hasten to tell people to go into Plan B or for the wrong reasons.

BB

Brit:

Follow Steve's advice. He counseled me as he has counseled you. He always encouraged me to stick to MY PLAN which was never a STRICT PLAN B.

All of us have our different situations. You have to do what is best for you.

Steve Harley is a genius. LISTEN TO HIM.