There is much history to this story but I'll hit the latest highlight. I am merely wondering. My husband calls me Sideways Sally and Paranoid Polly - he says he can't take it any more. Thing is... about 8 months ago he went to rehab for drug addiction. Seems he was hooked on something that he was purchasing via the net - unbeknownst to me. keeping it at work. He ran out, was tired of being sick and tired. We checked him in. So... now I have a trust issue. In the past few months I've noticed behavior that was similar to the drug days/nights. Sleep patterns..etc. So - I snooped in the old backpack that goes everywhere w/ him. I found tons of asprin -which I was/am aware of. but also found an herbal viagra. why pack a lunch if you're not going on a picnic is what my head says. Well, i kept quite. 3 weeks later (yesterday) I snooped again. New bi-packs of the same stuff. In general conversation about me being concerned about him eating pills all the time (asprin, heartburn..etc) I ask for a spill on all the meds he was taking. He told me all of them except the herbal thing... then I plainly asked about the stamina stuff and he said oh those are vitamins. I don't think he is cheating on me. I am sure he is tired of paranoid polly - but hey. Please respond someone. ask me questions. I love this man. thanks.

Why does he have the herbal viagra? What is his explanation?

You are much more likely to be distrustful of him since he carried on a secret drug life in the past. He would be crazy to expect you to trust him again right after that. He has to EARN your trust now, he can't just demand it. He needs to be doing things to exhibit his trustworthiness to you so you can learn to trust him again.

If he was getting his drugs on the internet, I would suggest putting spy software and checking on him occasionally just to make sure that nothing funny is happening. When you can see for yourself that he is being truthful, you will be able to relax somewhat and start trusting again. But if you only have his word to rely upon, you will always wonder because you know he is not trustworthy.

<small>[ November 24, 2003, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

SS forgive me for being cynical here, but the only place your H should have 'herbal viagra' or any other erection enhancing drugs should be at home in the medicine chest. This is like him finding condoms in your purse, and you calling him paranoid pete for beleiving the worse of you. I don't think it would be wise for you to close your mind to the possibility that might be cheating on you. Keep your eyes and ears pealed.

Thanks for your replies. It helps to have validation that I am not crazy. I just don't know what to do anymore. He is never on the computer at home - no need to load spy ware here. He surfs at work and even told me he bought window washer to clean his hard drive. I think he has a sex problem. Just by the little things he says. He really likes the movies on satelite. Due to kids having access to tv can not record them. Keeps saying "we need to buy a dvd". I am okay with that but only to a certain extent. Call it a 6th sense - can you chat with people in this place? I would really like to talk iwth someone.