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Joined: Mar 2003
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Just J Offline OP
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Hm. Sadly, there is entertainment value in these things. I wish that I were pure enough not to see it. I'm not that pure.

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I answered your poll a few days ago, even where there were answers that really didn't fit....

I'm one of those that MB helped personally, however in reading the replies I had this thought, that even though the WS & I have been separated for 2.5 yrs now I still plan A him & try not to do LB's not to save our marriage but so we can continue to co-parent our sons. And it works unlike so many here my STBX or maybe one day X is a very good father and he helps me in ways that are hard to believe for the most part and I do him. When we do go off on each other now we both apoligize. Very strange.......Just my thoughts....

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I'm one of the ones who has left because I am focusing my time and attention to my M rather than MB. My W says that one day she wants to get on here and post for some of the W who are in situations as she found herself. I also know that I have helped one other friend reconcile with his wife and am currently helping another whose W seems to be turning around. So I know it has helped me and others thru this site and Dr Harley's books. And btw, Steve was also a great help when I needed him.

knight

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Thanks very much for posting, Knight. It's good to have folks like you around, and I do hope your W comes and posts, too!

Sing, do you really mean you Plan A your ex? Or do you just treat him with respect? (Plan A would include all that exposure and asking him to end the affair and stuff...)

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Just J Offline OP
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Well, since eleventy-one people have now responded to the post (yay! Only several hundred to go), I think I'll post a couple of things that I find particularly interesting about the results so far:

- 79% of respondents came here because of infidelity.

- 79% of respondents are still married.

Why is this interestting? Because I've repeatedly read that only 1 in 3 marriages survives infidelity. Looks like folks here beat those odds nicely.

Next interesting thing: Nearly everyone (97%)feels that they've improved either some or a lot because of the MB principles, and nearly everyone (94%) also believes that they've gotten rid of some or a lot of the LBs that they committed. And the most popular LBs? AOs and DJs. Hurray! (Yep, that's me...)

Last interesting thing for the moment: It appears that the Rule of Time is the hardest one for people to follow. Most people who are not in Plans B or D were able to do POJA, be honest, and meet needs most of the time. But a whopping 78% (!!!!!) of the people who aren't in Plans B or D don't meet the rule of time (15 hours a week or more).

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Just J Offline OP
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Oh, one other interesting thing to note. 95% of couples who enter marital counseling get divorced.

Looks to me like the MB site has a GREAT record in comparison to that!

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bump! 125 have taken the poll. Only 31,000+ to go! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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Hi Just J
I was wondering what conclusion you drew of the poll.

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Well, to answer my own question, "Does MB really work?" Yes, I would say that it "works" in a couple very important ways. First, it helps individuals a great deal. It teaches them about themselves and how to better handle a very bad situation in their marriages. I suspect that just giving people a guide when they feel lost in a howling wilderness helps a great deal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for marriages, it's much harder to say whether it helps or not. If I do a little interpolating amongst the various responses, I think that probably a quarter of the people who responded have been here for more than six months and yet have seen no improvement in the bad situation that brought them here.

Given that infidelity can take a couple of years to resolve itself and is devastating for a marriage, it doesn't surprise me that there is a large fraction of casualties. It's still sad, though.

Another thing that I find really interesting is that there are a lot of people who, even though they were here and wanted to work on their marriages, filed for divorce. 20 while they were in Plan A, 27 while they were in Plan B. (There may well be some overlap, there, but I don't know how much.)

In fact, in total, more MB folks filed for divorce than spouses.

I wonder what caused so many people to feel that they had to end their marriages instead of continuing to try to save them.

There are some other conclusions, too. The average MB poster appears to be female (63%), has been here for more than six months and less than five years, came here because of infidelity (80%), and is still married (80%).

That's particularly interesting because the MB books and thoughts are actually written to be more easily accessible to men who are dealing with unfaithful spouses than women who are dealing with it. Luckily, there are lots of "interpreters" around here who can translate.

I've already commented on how interesting I find the infidelity (80%) and divorce (20%) statistics, so I won't go through that again for the moment.

I also think it's interesting how much people get out of this site individually. It has considerably more positive effect on individuals than on their marriages.

I'm sure I have more conclusions, but that's it for the moment!

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Bump! 131 responses and counting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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I'am so thankful for finding this site. It has helped me beyond my expectations. Considering all the unanswered questions i had before coming, I'am a better educated person in relationships, because of this site. All i can say is, Thanks for helping a broken heart heal, god bless......

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Yes, but did you take the poll, wokeup?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I, too, have been very much helped by the information and people here. And I, too, am very grateful that it's here.

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