I've been thinking on this question for awile now. In fact, i've been wrestling with God on this one. I have given up the idea of pushing to move from here. The OW lives less than 10 miles from me. It still bothers me at times, but my H will not move me or our kids, so at this point is doesn't make any sense to push something that is only an LB to him. He says it has nothing to do with her, but i think otherwise. We could move,and it would not break us financially. Anyhow, I've been doing some real soul searching about my marriage and really looking at where's its going. I talked to my H and mentioned that couples who do not keep going with there marriage counseling do not survive. I asked him if he realized this. He said yes i do. I told him its been 2 months since we've talked to the marriage counselor, and at this point our marriage is going downhill fast. His reply was, yeah I know i need to do this and that, I've just been lazy. I told him that i have always pushed maling this marriage work fromm the beginning. I feel like i'm pushing you now, to do something you don't want. I feel like i need to control this. He said to let go of it. I told him, the only way i knew how to let go of us is to leave. I'm told him that i'm afraid to give up control because that would mean that there is no hope for us and no future. I also told him that its ok to want to be single again. You cabn just tell me, hey, i want to have my own life 5 days out of the week, and have sex with whoever i want, and just see my kids on the week-end.I told him if thats what he wants, thats ok, but he has to let me go. Quit trying to dangle me like a chain, and keeping my hopes up that were going to make it. That does more damage than just plain saying i'm out of here. I know i'm venting again. AT this point, i no longer am in love with him. And as each minute, hour, day ,week, passes, my love for him grows dimmer. PArt of me feels sorry for him, in a weird way. He's losing the best thing for him and he's just so blind. He is no longer seeeing the OW. its been over 4 months, so i'm not worried about that. He just says words that sounds good, but there is no action behind them. I'm getting to the point wherer i now want to move out and away from him. Paytonrose

Has it been 4 months since d-day, or 4 months since you are pretty sure of no contact. Chances are, if it's 4 months since d-day, they are still in contact. (sorry) But it is amazing how much these things follow a course. It took my H probably 4-5 months to finally end it (and I still check on things). Then he went through 3 months of sitting in the basement (almost but not quite sent us into bankruptcy) then he finally started waking up a little but still things aren't quite right. Are you willing to invest the time to try to work things out? Cause it will take a long, long time...not weeks...years... to work through this stuff. Sorry, not trying to be a downer, just realistic. You have to decide what you want and what you are willing to sacrifice or not sacrifice to get there. I'm praying for you and for all of us...<P>Deb<BR>

Hi,<P> Don't know if you have been reading my threads the last couple of days. I KNOW exactly where you are right now because I am there as well. In fact my wife and I sort of split with each other yesterday evening.<P> I am not going to advise you on this because right now I do not know if I made the right choice. But I do want you to know that someone else here is in the same place as you. Read my threads the last couple of days.<P> If you want to talk I am around. Or email me at jdmac1@yahoo.com<P> jd

Eyeswideopen, just looked at your post. The last contact has been on or around the 25th of April. And D-DAy was June 17th. I actually knew way sooner, and so I did my own version of PLan A since April 1st. My H never actually left the house, so to speak. He still is living here but is not interested in any type of recovery. He sayd he wants to do everything to make it work out between us, but so far nothing. We have been together for 14 years and married over 11. We alos have 4 kids as well. My h is a player and is a partyer. I thought when we got married he would drop this aspect of his life, but no. He still wants his freedom so to speak. And no, i will not stay in this for the long haul all by myself again. If h doesn't want to really work on our issues why stay???? for the kids?? I don't think so. I want to be with someone who wants to be married to me. Who wants to actually make a marriage work. NOt one who wants things to go back to how they were and for me to just forgetb about his mistake and move on, with no healing at all. SO, yes i'm upset at all this. I ahve been through hell and back this entire year, and if he doesn't want to heal, fine. He can go back to her or find someone else. I'll eventually do the same as well. I'm a little bitter, ya think? Paytonrose

So actually when did he turn 40?