My Significant other of ten years (but not married) is coming home tomorrow after 10 days away. she met her lover on 1 or two of those days. She doesn't know that I know. Since she's been gone I discovered MB and it makes a lot of sense to me. I want to get off on the right foot when she returns and not bust things up immediately. Any advice that anybody can give me will be greatly appreciated.

For me, the important thing is not to ask questions that I don't really want to know the answer to!

Thanks for that. My plan is to not bring up her rondevous. What I'd like to do is to make it through tomorrow evening withoput a big blow up. I half way expect her to want to break up after this week of soul searching we've both had. But I like to start using the MB ideas as much as possible in an effort to bring us closer together. So, if I stear clear of the accusations about her trip, that'll help. I'm picking her up at the airport and I thought I would make her homecoming as pleasent and speacial as possible. Maybe flowers and the like. Do some speacial things that we both enjoy to ease the transition.

Rudy,<P>She has strayed because their is "something" missing. Think about that & not her A.<P>Think hard about what it is she may be missing from your relationship that she may have gotten from her "rendevous".<P>Don't bring up anything that's going to cause you to LB.<P>Be happy that you have this chance to show her your love.<P>Yes, bring flowers. She's probably going to say "What are these for !" <P>Be honest & say you know your relationship hasn't been great & her being away really made you think about her and all the things that you should have done to fulfull her needs & that you understand that you probably haven't communicated well enough & want to change & make a better relationship. Tell her about this site (she might admire you for it)<P>She will probably feel really guilty, but that's not your goal. She needs to tell you about the A, but you can also (at a later date) give her sugnals that you would understand why.<P>Plan something wonderful for her homecoming...if she tries to ignore you..give her space, but don't stop communicating.<P>I hope this helps...<BR>Others may have better ideas.<P>Baby steps.

L,<BR>That's where I'd like to be.<BR>Yes, I realise that there has been a lot that I haven't provided that she needs. I'll try to focus on that.<P>I see that the main need I haven't fulfilled is probably conversation and communication. And in the process we've been becoming less and less connected.<P>I've been on her in the past about our issues in a negative (busting) manner. I see now, how counter productive that is.<BR>So I think it's been easier for her to be with another that she doesn't feel is so judgemental and wanting to control her.<P>I guess I should read about LBing to get those clear in my mind. But that is what I'm afraid of doing. Either by being baited into by her (even if unintentionally) or out of my own force of habit.<P>I am happy that I have this opprortunity to show her my love and you're right I should, and I will make it an Occasion! I want to be upbeat and loving. I think setting aside any issues I have with her.<P>Being honest will be one of my harder tasks. Perhaps because I fear rejection. I think we both have hidden behind dishonesty in an effort to protect ourseves. I know that my honesty will/might ultimately bring hers out, but it's a scary thought for me.<BR>I halfway expect her to come home and tell me that it's over.<P>It's true our relationship hasn't been great, I have thought a lot about her this last week, and realize now the things that have been missing and want to make things better between us.<P>I just don't want to blow it on the first back together. Or even after that.<P>Thanks, This is a tremendous help.<BR>Rudy