A former babysitter messaged me on Facebook to confess that she had an affair with my husband seven years ago; she said it lasted for six months before she moved away. Her reason for confessing now is she's engaged to a very religious man and he wants her to do the right thing by telling me. She said there are no excuses or acceptable reasons for why it happened, but that she's older now and learned from her actions. She said she got swept up by my husband's personality and she really admired how good he was with our kids. She liked that he talked to her like a friend and not someone who worked for us. She did admit to being the aggressor and initiating sex.

Her fiance thinks I shouldn't have to live a lie. She isn't asking for or expecting forgiveness, only that she wants me to know. There's no chance she will be involved in our lives again. She lived in our area for college and then moved closer to home after graduation, several hours away. We kept in contact through Facebook messages for about a year after she left, but that became increasingly infrequent and then we stopped communicating altogether. She did say she never talked to or saw my husband again after she moved away.

I didn't respond to her, I don't know what to say. I know she wouldn't make this up, but I never got the sense that anything was going on between her and my husband. It's hard to remember that long ago, but I really don't recall anything strange about his behavior at the time. He's never been distant or tried to pull away from me or the kids.

I haven't confronted him and I don't know if I should; for now, it just feels surreal and I can mostly deal with it. My husband knows something's off, but I've been blaming it on work stress.

You should bring this out in the open right away. I would tell him you know - don't ask - just tell him you know and ask if there have been others. The fact that you didn't sense anything at the time is a red flag and should lead you to ask if there have been others. I would also ask him to take a polygraph to confirm everything he tells you.

That is the first step. Next steps would be to affair proof your marriage and to take the steps to recover your marriage. Part of the would be exposing his affair to your family and close friends so they can support your marriage and help hold him accountable.

So sorry this happened to you.

Melody, would you recommend she do some snooping before confronting him since if he was cheating on her he must be able to hide it very well.

There may be others and if he is aware she may be on to this, he would hide them better.

Welcome to MB. I am sorry you are going through this. It seems from the way you are writing that you are trying to convince yourself that this is potentially not true. But from the outside looking in, there is no reason for this woman to bring this up now if it isn't true. As painful as it is to accept that this is most likely true, it is. As much as you want to discredit and sweep it under the rug, that won't work.

As Melody said, you would want to tell him you know rather than ask him. I would even tell him "I have evidence of an affair. I am giving you the opportunity to tell me what happened." I would not tell him it is with the old babysitter, because it is possible there are more, and it will be telling to see if he immediately goes to the babysitter or instead attempts to figure out which one you know about... Be strong and do not argue with him or let him gaslight you, simply tell him you know and you are giving him the opportunity to come clean. And as ML suggested, confirm the information he gives you with a polygraph.

You need to also get spyware on all his devices. Since you never saw any red flags means he is very good at keeping a SSL(secret second life) from you.