Don't listen to her anger. It's the affair talking. EVERY WW IS ANGRY. This is typical, and has no bearing on whether you will recover or not.
She will get angrier when you expose. That's normal. Expect it. Your marriage can survive her anger.

Not exposing to the OM's side, including the workplace is a huge gaping hole that you can't afford to miss. Please read the Exposure 101 thread in my signature.

That's not a very strategic approach. Its like trying to negotiate with a falling down drunk. She is high on an affair, much like an alcoholic is drunk on alcohol. A more effective tactic is to do everything in your power to kill the affair, ie: exposure. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposing it will be your greatest weapon.

Has she actually filed for divorce?

"If your wife is not on board with MB, .... "

I went back and found the above, that was what I read, and I jumped to a conclusion about his sharing it with her; I was wrong. Didn't mean to derail the thread.

I read through most of Surviving an Affair last night. And I'm looking over the exposure 101 thread again. I need to do this with a clear head.
When she drained our bank account on Monday I panicked and called my lawyer. My auto payments for everything were set to come out Wednesday and my lawyer advised me to file for divorce to protect my self financially. I haven't served her yet. And I truly do not want to.
It turned out to be a good thing though as she tried to file a PFA against me on Tuesday afternoon. It would have barred me from being at my home or any communications with her. She called me numerous times that day, showed up at the house last night and just now texted me she would be going to the house tomorrow after work.

I'll have to search through some posts about how to expose on side. And how to expose at his work.

Hi cyk, you can get exposure tips from the exposure 101 thread. It will also give you talking points.

And yes, you need to get legal protection to protect yourself financially even if it means filing for divorce. It doesn�t mean you will end up divorced but you can�t allow her to cause permanent damage to your finances while she is out of her mind. You did the right thing in filing for divorce.

Thanks for the reassurance. I feel absolutely horrible about filing.

That's my signature!

I might have missed it, but I never saw answers to these.

ABSOLUTELY

Sorry Markos thank you for your help and support.
Learning what I've been doing wrong and wanting better for our marriage. I can absolutely not argue with her. Its definitely something I need to work on but she's all the motivation I need to change myself.
I will do whatever I need to to make time for her and be there for her. Even change careers if need be. The life I want needs to be more conducive to my work not the other way around.

I read through every post trying to find that!! Thanks for finding it!

Can you keep yourself from arguing with her? Do you believe that's something you are able to do at this present time?

I can hold back from arguing. I don't think I can keep my emotions in check around her right now though. I still have the urge to talk about working it out and that's the wrong approach I should be taking.

Okay, you're demonstrating good insight there. Let me tell you that in 8 years on this website I have yet to see any husband here save his marriage by persuading his wife to work on it. That will absolutely turn her away.

So learn what Dr. Harley has to say about how to keep your emotions in check. You might check out ongoing threads here about anger mangement, as that is basically the same issue in learning to stay relaxed.

The way you save your marriage is a two pronged approach
1) disrupt the affair, primarily through exposure
2) change the way your wife feels about you, by making love bank deposits and avoiding love bank withdrawals. Notice that this doesn't include trying to lecture her about working it out at all. (Also note that it doesn't rule out part 1 there - do disrupt the affair, even if it makes her angry!)

So I'm at work today and my wife called and texted me. Said she's back at the house and we should talk, but not in person. She doesn't want me to return to the house since she's back.
Any advice?

Go home. Refuse to leave your home.

Got home and she wanted to talk about how to make the divorce amicable. She's in purgatory and wants to move on. Her words.
I ended the conversation when she started to get mad. Kept my cool and emotions in check.
Didnt really have a game plan in mind when I walked through the door. She said we need to figure out how to make our living situation work because it's unfair for either one of us to leave.
I want to see hope in her being here and saying she's staying but I have this sense of dread that it's ending.
How do I even talk to her now. Let alone stop divorce.

You did great by not playing along with her fantasy and not playing the part of the enemy either. If you can similarly keep your cool while shes hopping mad with exposure, thats another hit for you. I think it's significant that OM is not exposed (they are not hard to run off usually) but I can't figure out that darn order of yours. How is it worded and what does it ask of you?

You can't really talk WITH a wayward, you have to sorta talk AT them.

-I would tell her you love her and you aren't getting divorced or moving out (and don't say this, but she doesn't need your agreement to do so herself and it's a weird insistence on her part. She can figure it out herself without a divorce cheerleader).
-Responses to her disagreeing can be anything from 'well that's heart breaking news ' to 'I understand ' to 'huh, do you want a cookie?' Anything so long as its not getting mad. Leaving is a good tactic.
- Move back into your house AND your bed. If she wants to sleep somewhere else let her do it. But that's a silent message.
-if she talks about being in pain, or purgatory, plop some ice cream in front of her, tell her youre still her best friend and you want to hear all about it. No matter how cuckoo her words, listen with soothing noises. It will make lovebank deposits.

And Yeah, permanently park the relationship talk.