Lol snap

Thanks for the quick feedback. I was gonna send the exact letter you posted but wasn't sure if was right. Filling in names now and will send shortly.
I hope I'm not too late doing all this I really wish I had found this sight sooner. how often do you all hear that.
I guess I know who our friends really are. Woke up to some replies back this morning that I should just let her go and that I'm harassing her.
She went to a realtor friend today to set up an appointment and have him appraise our house so she can just move on. But in same breath asked me to watch the dogs this weekend while she attended a woman's retreat.

Are you sending the letter today?
The faster you get this done, the more effective it will be.

Inner strength CY!
I found it helpful when someone described WW as an alien who replaced your W. She will say all sorts of things and not bother to make sense.

Keep a cool head, much as you can, would recommend ignoring or unfriending people who send unsupportive responses - you know who they are now, and guess what you don't need them for anything.

It is her affair that damages (far from ruins, actually I would say) her reputation, not the knowledge of it. Did the crime, do the time.

I got a little off topic here - my main point is that I would assume anything she says about anything is a lie unless she has woken up and is remorseful, willing to do whatever to save the marriage.

Get 7-8 hours of sleep, eat appropriately, look your best (shave, dress smart, etc), get some exercise (for mental health and physical benefits), be confident no matter how you feel, make yourself pleasant to be around, do not get sucked into arguments. Do express your love for her, but do not cave to demands.

Just sent email to OMs work.

You are doing great!! She is going to be with her OM this weekend. You should let her know you won't agree to sell the house. Just say, "I am not going anywhere and don't agree to sell the house."

Did you expose to the OM's family? If not, get that knocked out NOW! It will ruin the affair if his parents know your wife is a very married woman.

And just ignore the naysayers. You don't need the approval of crapwits and anyone who would condone an affair is not friend material anyway.

I haven't exposed to OMs family or friends trying to figure that one out. His last post on FB was in 2017 and not many likes or comments.
I want to believe she's going on the retreat she booked it before all this came up and was really looking forward to it. But your right I can't believe anything she says or does at this point.
Searching post all day about dealing with WS family not being supportive. I'm not trying to make this a me vs her issue or pick sides. Blood is alwasys thicker than water. But damn. I'm putting up a VAR device in the house to see what else I can get.
I want this affair to end and fast.
What happens if exposure doesn't work? Than what? I don't want to behind the 8 ball again and I should have exposed the minute I found out. Instead I've been enabling this and pushing her further into his arms with my mistakes from the beginning.

Exposure is your last best hope. It might not kill the affair right away, but it can have the effect of hastening it's death. The longer you wait, the less effective, but it is your best shot. i would take this very seriously and do a comprehensive exposure to the OM's friends and family. Especially his parents!

Exposure is likely to speed things up, which is hopefully going to be the end of the affair. Find out who OM's parents are and contact them directly. As MelodyLane said, let them know their son is seeing a married woman.

There's not a whole lot to do to deal with such people. Let people make up their own minds how they are going to respond; don't try to persuade them to see it your way. The good news is whether they support you or do not support you, they will still put pressure on the affair.

I didn't have the benefit of Dr. Harley's advice in the early 1990s when I found out my mother was having an affair and exposed her to her mother. I had no way of knowing that her mother had had her own string of affairs. I certainly didn't expect her mother to give me a lecture about being a religious hypocrite after I told her about my mother's affair. But despite the fact that the woman stood for adultery all of her life and appeared to side against me, witnesses to that event told me that after I left she lit into my mother like nobody's business!

Are his parents on Facebook? Have you tried googling the surname and location? Looked them up in the phone book or looked at electoral roll?

Don't waste time searching what it means if W's family is not supportive! It just means you need to be wary of them in the future.

You still have a good shot with exposure because an exposed affair is not fun.

Found his Grandmother on Facebook and sent out messages to her and all Family members still a couple more to go still no luck finding his parents though.

Try looking up the OM, his grandparents, or any other known relatives on one of the following sites, this will give you a list of names to check against. (i.e. it shows list of people who might be related to the person you searched for). These sites (and others) will give you age range for individuals, so you can further narrow it down. They usually list cities the person probably lived in. If you know where his parents might live but not their full name, search their town name and "assessors database". Most towns have their tax assessments searchable online. You can use these to search for last name and town name. If they have an uncommon last name, they'll be easier to track down. If you're certain of the name of a relative but cannot get a phone# or email address, the tax assessors database can turn up a physical address. You can then mail them a letter.

http://whitepages.com
http://intellius.com
http://spokeo.com
https://www.anywho.com/whitepages

With a little effort, it's remarkable how easy it can be to find people via public sources.

The grandmother is a good target.

Do you have the first and last name of the parents? If so Google "first name, last name" in quotation marks + (location).

Try this with grandmother's name too, you might turn up a family notice or local news item which mentions the parents. Obituaries are a good source

You could maybe find a parents name by looking up the grandmothers name/address on an old electoral roll to see if they had adult children registered there. (You can do this in the UK, not sure about your location)

Don't forget jobs and hobbies! If grandmother or anyone mentions the parent's profession or hobby Google their name in quotations along with their profession/club/interest.

This is awesome.

Yes, obituaries are a very good source. Try both "firstname lastname" + obituary + town, or without the quotes. If the OM is referenced in the obit, the lastname may be omitted if he has the same last name as the deceased, so search with both the quotes and without. If you get a match, you'll be able to identify parents, brothers, sisters, and in laws.

Thanks, indie! I was always good at searching for stuff on the web (even back in the early 90s before the advent of search engines). But I got better at finding/identifying people after d-day. It freaks my kids out a bit. Within 10 minutes of my daughter telling me the name of her first boyfriend, I could tell her where he went to school, his jersey # on the soccer team, what he was selling on OfferUp, the kind of cars his parents own, etc. "Creepy, dad!"

Useful!!

Awesome spy tips!!! Thanks abbra and indie!

In the event that you can't find an email address or phone# for OM's relatives, you can pay for a background check. When I exposed my WW, I could not find a contact# for OMW. I purchased a background check on one of the above sites, and it provided two or three phone numbers, but they were out of date. I purchased a 2nd background check from one of the others on this list, and it gave a phone number which turned out to be OMW work number. The price is usually around $15-30, and they sometimes offer a more expensive, in depth background check. These might offer criminal background checks in all 50 states, instead of 1 state. I purchased these more expensive background checks on OM1 and OM2, as I wanted to make sure WW wasn't exposing my kids to a felon.