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Still no luck finding OMs parents great advice though and I will be pursuing all ends. Sent a couple hundred messages through FB to his friends list all day yesterday.
Got home last night and wife wanted to spend sometime together which was a shock. She originally started off by talking about what selling the house and splitting up would be but changed very quickly to add that she was more open to working on things than she's been. But she wasn't sure what that meant yet.
I'm awaiting fallout from exposusing to their jobs, I don't think it will go over to well.
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Got home last night and wife wanted to spend sometime together which was a shock. My guess would be that they need to keep you from finishing exposures with his parents because it would then be game over. This is a great sign that this target is your golden ticket.Sometimes a wayward will get all friendly so you'll stop mid exposure. She'll slow you down while OM begins to drop into conversation with his parents that theres a crazy jealous husband trashing him everywhere. Once he's done, then she'll turn like a weather vane. If you aren't getting anything online then I would call up a PI to get you some basic details. Quickly. While he's doing that, take advantage of the lull in the battle to make your wife dinner and make some deposits.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Sometimes a wayward will get all friendly so you'll stop mid exposure. Hi CYK, I just wanted to emphasise this comment of Indie's. My WH went totally crazy for a very short time, and then was suddenly all charm, booking us flights for a weekend away together 3 days later, telling me spending time with me was more important than anything else to him. It was all a trick to get me to stop exposing and stop investigating his affair. He also "agreed" to all my conditions - only his version of agreeing meant saying yes while doing totally the opposite. There's an article in the articles section of the main website that describes a wayward doing his best to pretend to his wife that he is sorry just so that he can go back to his affair. I'll find the link in a minute.
BW (me) 40 WH, serial cheater, 41 Four children: DS1 8 DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me) DS3 6 DD 2 D-day Jan 4 2017 Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017 Plan D Aug 28 2017 Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017 "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
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Sometimes a wayward will get all friendly so you'll stop mid exposure. Hi CYK, I just wanted to emphasise this comment of Indie's. My WH went totally crazy for a very short time, and then was suddenly all charm, booking us flights for a weekend away together 3 days later, telling me spending time with me was more important than anything else to him. It was all a trick to get me to stop exposing and stop investigating his affair. He also "agreed" to all my conditions - only his version of agreeing meant saying yes while doing totally the opposite. There's an article in the articles section of the main website that describes a wayward doing his best to pretend to his wife that he is sorry just so that he can go back to his affair. I'll find the link in a minute. Here's the link. The article is How to Surive an Affair. https://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8001_affair.htmlI thought the description of how Alex reassures his OW Harriet that he will smooth things over with his wife so that they can be together again was really insightful for BSs about how misleading wayward's words and actions can be. Don't let anything deter you from doing the fullest exposure you can. There really are no downsides.
Last edited by chalkncheese; 05/17/18 02:37 PM.
BW (me) 40 WH, serial cheater, 41 Four children: DS1 8 DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me) DS3 6 DD 2 D-day Jan 4 2017 Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017 Plan D Aug 28 2017 Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017 "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
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Wife found out about the email to his work it was forwarded to hers and she's been suspended.
I thought last time about exposing to family and friends she was mad but she's devastated. Granted everything she's said was what everyone said she would but damn.
What do I do now. What's the next step.
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Wife found out about the email to his work it was forwarded to hers and she's been suspended.
I thought last time about exposing to family and friends she was mad but she's devastated. Granted everything she's said was what everyone said she would but damn.
What do I do now. What's the next step. That is great news!! Hopefully you have wrapped up your exposures. Have you been in touch yet with the OM's parents?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wife found out about the email to his work it was forwarded to hers and she's been suspended.
. That's weird that she's the punished one given he is her superior? Hopefully they've both been suspended? Nevertheless it's a stroke of luck for you. Her removal from the home of the affair, with all its memories and triggers will help your recovery - if you get there. Next step? EXPOSE OM. I don't know how it went finding his parents? This should be a snap given you have the grandparents details; can you do it or do you need a PI?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Didn't find OMs parents found a sister who's married. Sent to everyone I could.
I think they were both suspended but I'm not sure.
She's pretty furious. Not sure how to proceed with recovery efforts from here.
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Didn't find OMs parents found a sister who's married. Sent to everyone I could.
I think they were both suspended but I'm not sure.
She's pretty furious. Not sure how to proceed with recovery efforts from here. Just let her know that you are willing to work on the marriage if she will end her affair. She will tell you to go to hell at first, but you need to bide your time. As she withdraws from the OM, she will draw to you. You should be in Plan A at this time, which means you don't fight, don't argue, and put forth your very best foot. As her affair crumbles and she sobers up from the affair, she will notice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So OM wants to press legal action for exposing to his work and family and friends.
She continues to want to talk or rather scream and yell and push. I've walked away numerous times. She went to my lawyer today to get the divorce papers.
I'm trying to give space and formulate Plan A. Today is really tough.
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Didn't find OMs parents found a sister who's married. Sent to everyone I could.
. You really need to speak to them. Will any of the people you contacted put them in touch? .
She's pretty furious. Not sure how to proceed with recovery efforts from here. Oh excellent! I've been waiting for her to get mad. This is the ideal opportunity to show her you're unflappable, even tempered and considerate in the face of fire and fury!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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So OM wants to press legal action for exposing to his work and family and friends. That's great!! Tell him you will be glad to have this broadcast in a open court. [where it is likely to be picked up by the news] You can ask for discovery and get him interrogated under oath! In truth, most waywards make this threat and I have never seen one follow through in 17 years because they have more to lose. First off, the truth is a defense for libel and slander and he knows you have him by the balls. She continues to want to talk or rather scream and yell and push. I've walked away numerous times. She went to my lawyer today to get the divorce papers.
I'm trying to give space and formulate Plan A. Today is really tough. Just hang in there and ride this out. Your marriage can survive her anger over exposure, it cannot survive an ongoing affair. She is lashing out in anger right now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So OM wants to press legal action for exposing to his work and family and friends. That's great!! Tell him you will be glad to have this broadcast in a open court. [where it is likely to be picked up by the news] You can ask for discovery and get him interrogated under oath! In truth, most waywards make this threat and I have never seen one follow through in 17 years because they have more to lose. First off, the truth is a defense for libel and slander and he knows you have him by the balls. Oh I missed this bit. They're cute when they're predictable.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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So OM wants to press legal action for exposing to his work and family and friends. That's great!! Tell him you will be glad to have this broadcast in a open court. [where it is likely to be picked up by the news] You can ask for discovery and get him interrogated under oath! In truth, most waywards make this threat and I have never seen one follow through in 17 years because they have more to lose. First off, the truth is a defense for libel and slander and he knows you have him by the balls. She continues to want to talk or rather scream and yell and push. I've walked away numerous times. She went to my lawyer today to get the divorce papers.
I'm trying to give space and formulate Plan A. Today is really tough. Just hang in there and ride this out. Your marriage can survive her anger over exposure, it cannot survive an ongoing affair. She is lashing out in anger right now. Good to hear! Thanks for the support from everyone! Sorry to keep making a play by play. But this is pretty helpful posting here. She's pretty adamant that what I've done is horrible and dragging him into this was pointless because it wasn't an affair she already wanted out of the marriage. She's said what's been posted and it's predictable "how could I be with you after telling everyone" "what's the point of doing this" "how isn't dragging my name through mud supposed to make me stay married" "all those message she make you look like a crazy person and an a****le!" "If I get fired how am I supposed to stay with you" I'm trying to stay calm and cool but I'm not sure how to respond. Riding out the storm...
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Don't worry about the legal threats CYK. I was actually sued by OW - she is bonkers - but now, one year on, she is trying to retract it (although I won't let her :D). Anger is hot and immediate; legal stuff is slow. No wayward will really want to spend their money and time focusing on the spouse of their affair partner when the affair crumbles.
BW (me) 40 WH, serial cheater, 41 Four children: DS1 8 DS2 7 (from one of WH's previous affairs, lives with me) DS3 6 DD 2 D-day Jan 4 2017 Plan B (first attempt) Feb 21 2017 Plan D Aug 28 2017 Plan B (properly) Aug 31 2017 "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs - and blaming it on you....or being lied about don't deal in lies..." IF, by Rudyard Kipling https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/46473
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[
"If I get fired how am I supposed to stay with you"
I'm trying to stay calm and cool but I'm not sure how to respond.
Riding out the storm... The irony is that if she doesnt' lose/quit that job you can't stay together because your marriage will never recover. NEVER. The biggest risk to your marriage is her staying at that job, so you should hope and pray she loses the job. That is your best chance at saving your marriage. Just keep riding it out and don't let her drag you into a fight. You are doing great!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. if she loses her job it will be due to her unprofessional behavior.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So exposure hit its mark on OM. I spoke with his sisters husband who called me yesterday (who's in the military) had plenty to say about it all. OM asked my wife for my contact info to ask me to leave him alone. He did end up calling his local police spoke with a detective last night. I Explained the situation and that I had exposed my wife's affair. He laughed about OM feeling threatened. He did advise me to end all communication though as a courtesy call.
I'm rereading SAA mainly about reconciliation and Love Busters/Love Bank Deposits.
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So exposure hit its mark on OM. I spoke with his sisters husband who called me yesterday (who's in the military) had plenty to say about it all. OM asked my wife for my contact info to ask me to leave him alone. He did end up calling his local police spoke with a detective last night. I Explained the situation and that I had exposed my wife's affair. He laughed about OM feeling threatened. He did advise me to end all communication though as a courtesy call.
I'm rereading SAA mainly about reconciliation and Love Busters/Love Bank Deposits. Great job!! The OM is a jerk. So now the police know about his affair, how smart is that?  Your best hope for recovery is your wife losing her job. I hope you know that. That will set you up for recovery in the future.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So exposure hit its mark on OM. I spoke with his sisters husband who called me yesterday (who's in the military) had plenty to say about it all. . Yay! What did he say? Will he put you in touch with his in laws? . OM asked my wife for my contact info to ask me to leave him alone. I betcha that was a fun date. . He did end up calling his local police spoke with a detective last night. . I would love to sit in on an average day in the copshop to see how many loons try this daily. The OW in my case sent me a message that it was slander (it wasnt. The exposure was not spoken it was written messages, so if it had been untrue it would have been libel) warned I 'better have proof' because she was going to the police (slander/libel isn't a police matter). My messenger asked if I had a response and I just said it sounded like OW needed some legal coaching but that I couldn't oblige.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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