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#3004096 05/21/18 08:02 PM
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EmDee1 Offline OP
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We've been following the MB program, via guidance on these forums, for over a year now. We've successfully navigated his porn addiction (protested, stopped, and for insurance blocked using DNS) and his brewing friendship with another woman (stopped the first time I showed up at a meeting of the group they both belonged to).

It never ends, does it? I guess he just is not quite onboard. This has to change, of course. My first task will be to convince him that, yes, he really does need my enthusiastic agreement to continue his motorcycling hobby, which takes him away during time we should be spending together, and exposes him to people he should not be spending time with. And second, because ... well, I'm not quite sure what. Let me explain.

One of our best couples activities is that we do yoga together. After class the other day, he told me that he was nearly certain his ex-wife also attended the session we were at, a session which we have been attending regularly for well over a year.. He says they did not speak, and he is not sure she noticed him. I certainly didn't even notice her or would have insisted we leave. This woman has created conflicts for us in the past, and I want to be sure she is completely out of our lives, even at random gatherings such as yoga classes. I don't want him in the same room with her, ever again.

Do I monitor the attendee list (I have some administrative authority at this particular studio) to confirm it's really her, insist we find another (much, much less convenient) class to attend, or ... ? Actually he has suggested that we attend other times--he gave several other reasons why we might want to change, not mentioning her--but what if she continues to show up when we're there? Suggestions welcome.

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Originally Posted by EmDee1
It never ends, does it?

Yes, it does - try this:

Quote
My first task will be to convince him that, yes, he really does need my enthusiastic agreement to continue his motorcycling hobby, IF HE WANTS TO STAY WITH ME which takes him away during time we should be spending together, and exposes him to people he should not be spending time with.

My wife would revoke my invitation to live with her if I reserved the right to do things without her enthusiastic agreement.

Quote
Do I monitor the attendee list (I have some administrative authority at this particular studio) to confirm it's really her, insist we find another (much, much less convenient) class to attend, or ... ? Actually he has suggested that we attend other times--he gave several other reasons why we might want to change, not mentioning her--but what if she continues to show up when we're there? Suggestions welcome.

Can you move?

How long ago did his marriage end, and how? Does he have children with her?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
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If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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EmDee1 Offline OP
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Markos, thanks for the response.

Point 1: OK, will begin working on that immediately. Motorcycles = Bye bye!

Point 2: His marriage ended ~12 years ago. They divorced, amicably or at least with no sturm and drang that I could see. They have one adult child, living out of state and self-supporting, not really a factor at present, but they (notice I say they, not blaming it all on her) did use him in the past to convey some ...shall we say ... less than supportive messages to me in the past. That's pretty much over as I can be quite firmly assertive when the occasion demands it.

Moving right now would be a severe hardship, but we are making major, serious plans to move out of country in ~3 years, when he retires. Quitting the yoga studio would be a much more palatable option, assuming she is not deliberately stalking him (not out of the question).


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