Ok.i think my youngest is going to be very upset..I'll try and be as positive as I can. She is a straight A student and i dont want this to affect her emotionally.

This is going to save her. She has known all along that there was something wrong. Now you are going to tell her what it is. Stick to facts.

Kids can deal with the truth, they can't deal with lies and illusions. That is all she has had for many years.

Just consider how you have suffered dealing with her lies and deceit all these years. You knew something was very wrong but were denied the facts about your own life. Your kids are no different.

Thanks folks..I have known for a long time but finally heard what I needed to hear for closure..still feel really bad as she really thinks it was mostly my fault. I was never home and apparently I wasn't paying attention ( I think we covered that in detail). I guess that's what hurts the most.
I am going to follow through with all the advice and I thank you very much.
You folks are very supportive.
Desty

Other people shared and it's truly appreciated
Special shout out to Melody. Thanks

Read this so you can read other�s experiences about telling their children. Exposing to Children

She doesn't really think that. She wants you to think that, though. This is classic cheater behavior. They always blame their spouses. She would have still had the affair if you met her needs 100%, though, because has poor boundaries around men. If she did not allow another man to meet her needs, there would have never been an affair, regardless of the state of the marriage.

Thanks Melody...I feel much better. I will say that the cheaters behavior certainly does work. You were right that at some point I became a volunteer. Just wanted to believe I guess. They can definitely mKe you feel like crap.

I will read . Ty

You have been entrenched in this very toxic atmosphere for a very long time with no defenses. Once you get away for awhile, you will be quite amazed at how much better you will feel.

You've been right so far. I'm counting on it...lol

Desty, you have probably been knocking your brains out for YEARS to be a better husband to no avail. No matter how hard you tried, nothing ever worked. The reason is because it was NEVER your behavior that was the issue. You were told it WAS to keep you off balance and diverted from what was really going on: AN AFFAIR. You never could meet her needs because her lovebank was closed to you. It was closed to you because it was open to the OM.

Oh my

Melody..will she ever have an ah-ha moment ?
We were best friends...there is no way our daughters would ever allow him into the circle..let alone his kids..will never work.
Will there come a day..where the light bulb goes off, when the kids wont even talk to her.

Melody..not sure if I clarified...concert was all of us...my wife and I and the girls.

Kind of a bittersweet night....on the one hand I finally know and have a plan to move on...on the other awful sad...I wonder if the WS spouse ever feels any remorse..or is just elated it's over

Very unlikely for an active wayward to show remorse. It's also common that a WW never show any remorse, even if the M is recovered. Sue from SAA is an example.

Melody,
I went through all the ranges of emotion the last 2 days and have finally landed using all of the advice given. I am leaving this Friday. Short term, I am going to stay at my parents for a couple weeks until I finalize my lease. I'll be about an hour away. Divorce is 100 % paid for and will be served in a week 1/2. Asked her to please sign so we can both move on. Looking at a transfer now.
As you said, I am sure that once I get out, I will be on the path to full recovery. As I drove by his house last night as I have done for 7+ years , my sadness was replaced by anger. I assume these roller coaster emotions will prevail..and the ones where I compare myself and think he is better than me..
Final answer..tell kids on Wed. And move on Friday.
I'd be lying if I didn't think I would have anymore questions or thoughts.. I assume as you have said many times..one I actually get on the path...all will be good. Also , I assume it's normal to feel this Incredible range of emotions..which always come back to...i'm finally free from this toxic..the last 7 years I have taken a step back from a very successful career, have tried everything (as you said) and sit here a completely broken person who can barely make decisions. I have spiraled so many times...sleeping 2 hours a day maintaining 2 jobs trying to find a different career for a better work life balance..I assume this is rock bottom.

Sorry.wanted to finish my thought..after all this I still have a hope that a last minute miracle will take place. At this point on the bottom, I assume I may actually be in a fog.
All of this a normal progression of events?