Yes, this is a normal progression. I implore you to stay the course even if you don't feel like it. Even if a last minute miracle would appear, you MUST move away. This has been horrendous to your mental health which is why Dr Harley, a clinical psychologist recommends men don't remain in these situations longer than 2 years. People have nervous breakdowns from staying in these situations too long.

Hang in there. Like Winston Churchill said "when you are going through hell, keep walking." That is what you have to do. I promise you it will get much better - and very fast - if you keep walking.

Thank you..I feel like I am whining and I remember when I was running my 50 million dollar store, was a figure in the community and making 6 figures 5 years ago..and now it's hard to remember to eat....and every time I think it cant be lower...I take another step down ..I have read so many motivational books and it seems like i can never truly get to solid footing. I have went back to seeing a counselor once a week..the tank has been on empty for so long. You said something that was so true. I have tried so many things to make it work...

I am going to keep walking. I definitely dont need a nervous breakdown..think I am stronger than that..but sometimes it feels like I just can not catch a break.

This is your break, my friend. You have a bright future if you can get out of that horrendous, toxic environment. You didn't have a chance living right there. Your marriage could never recover and you would never recover. No normal person could thrive in that environment.

Once you get out and get into a healthy environment, you can start rebuilding your life in a positive way. You CAN BE happy again in another environment. Did you read what i said about moving to a place your daughters will like?

I did and I plan on it. I have 2 places I am looking at. Both are in their school district.

And lastly..the thoughts about comparing...probably normal as well?

Get out of there, my friend!! You are very normal..

How FAR are they from the OM? The goal is to get as far away as you can.

Thank Melody . . Wish I had this site 7 years ago. Really let me see how far I have gone down. What began as a search and solve issue has become a recovery program. For anyone out there going through the same thing , i have perhaps the greatest piece of advice that I have ignored for so....long:( my opinion)

If that little piece inside you has an ache that something is wrong and you are being told one thing, but your gut is telling you ANOTHER...wait a minute,

WAIT MY FRIENDS....YOUR GUT IS RIGHT....you will be told things that defy the worst you can imagine, all from a person that has little regard for the human element. THEY MAY BE IN THE FOG..Hit it head on early and do not take no for an answer. If you get no.... that is your answer. If you break through the cloud early, you might be able...to save it, if you want to ...Key...if you want to.

YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. YOU BECOME A VOLUNTEER, NOT A VICTIM. I have volunteered and put wood on the fire everyday. If you dont acknowledge this quickly and without dealing with it..you only put more wood on the fire.
Hence the self- fulfilling prophecy.
Save early and be strong.

EVERY QUESTION YOU HAVE MUST BE ANSWERED IF YOU ARE TO RECOVER, IF NOT..THAT IS THE INNER VOICE SAYING....YOU ARE WORTH WAY MORE...



That is infinite intelligence trying to tell you to trust yourself. The deeper you go, the more you think it's your fault and the harder you work.... all which makes it easier for them and harder for you.
I like one comment more than any other.
" I never had a chance"
Because of everyone here, I feel as though I have stopped the bleeding...now its about it me.

Many emotions, but have recently added self worth to the equation. They say that an affair is sometimes worse than the loss of a loved one. When this started... I lost my Dad. I have spent way more time thinking about my wife, instead of the man that gave me birth...I am worth more..Dad I'm sorry as you layed in the hospital bed, I didn't talk about our memories and how much I loved you...instead I asked what I should do with my marriage. I have given her and her affair partner much of my thought to the point where I thought I was really not normal, even lost my career. Now I get to find...ME. That may be the greatest gift.
Always keep the main thing the main thing. You deserve the best. If you are at fault, forgive yourself, fix it and fix it if you can, but never lose you...I lost me.
I cry as i write this..tears of relief. If it helps someone...awesome.

My opinion only.....Took 7-10 years to form. If it can help save someone from questioning their existence, I have paid it forward...

YOU ARE WORTH MORE.
I AM GOING TO SPEND MY TIME FINDING ME AND ENJOYING THE 3 MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE...MY GIRLS AND I.

PEACE AND LOVE

P.s. I am normal ...

Yes, you are normal! Great post!!

Yes, you are very normal!!

Went to the attorney yesterday. We are all set on the divorce. They will be calling her next week, so she can go down and get the paperwork. Met with my wife and told her what was going to be happening. I will be moving next Wednesday. I feel comfortable with the split of assets.
I will be getting with the kids tonight.
The plan is coming together. I won't be as far away as I wanted right away, but short term I need to stay on the area ( still not near my house and OM).
I had a final talk with my wife
I know it doesn't matter, but I shared my thoughts and it provided closure for me. It's all what I need now. For now, I blocked her number on my phone. I used to look at my phone every 10 seconds looking for a call/ text.
Now I am developing ways to stay out of the awful loops. I havent checked my phone all week.
I have taken huge steps this week ( for me).
I am very scared but cant wait for the day when I have someone who treats me with respect.

You are doing great!!! Just keep walking forward. Brighter times are ahead for you.


We have some fabulous success stories of men who left toxic marriages and went on to have great marriages with other people. Now you have a chance at a bright future. Keep walking forward....

This is fantastic, desty. You are going to be so much happier.

Thanks..trying to take the advice given...

I'm a little taken back. I went to speak to my daughters and they said they already knew. They said that if I talked to them in front of their Mom, they would leave.
They then told me to say out loud that it wasn't me. I found it ridiculous..but they wouldn't stop until I said it. Then I explained that I filed for divorce. I told them I was giving their mother the house.
The oldest said..Dad finally...now you can be happy. The youngest asked if I could stay at the house. I said no when you get divorced, you dont stay in the same house. She said can you stay and have Mom go. Not really sure what to say. Very sad, but happy at the same time. I was always told I wasn't home ..I must have done something right...

What do your daughters know? I am confused? Did you discuss the affair and tell them your reasons for the divorce?


Can you clarify what you mean? I dont' understand this comment. What would cause them to say this?

I didn't have to discuss. I was aware that he had told his kids 7 years ago. I know they talked to our kids. Bottom line is I was getting ready to talk about it and my daughters stopped me and said Dad it's about time you got a divorce. We dont blame you. They said that they didn't want there Mother included in the conversation because they dont like the way she talks and she just sits there. Bottom line is that they want me to be happy and are surprised I have made it this long.

Whatever they know, they need no further explanations. They basically are wondering why i stay there. There wasn't even a tear. It has been a long time coming. To have your kids tell you that you should have got divorced a long time ago...?

I assume that this is further validation of my sad existence the last 7 years. I thought I was doing a crappy job as a husband and a Dad.
Melody...as you said I am going to keep walking...