Divorce is finalized, I move out Wednesday and I am discussing with my daughters this afternoon.
Your right...I have avoided many uncomfortable situations. I blame no one for where I am at, but myself

Good job!! I would ask them what they know about it. I would wager they know more about it than you..

Let us know how it goes.

Melody..please tell me to keep walking...had the talk. They know what I know. Definitely an affair. They know with who and that it is probably still going on.
They told me that they want to live with me. My wife emailed me back today and started playing her mind games. She asked if I had got her text. I told her that I did not as I dont receive her calls. She then says how can the divorce be non- contesting if we dont discuss..melody. for a minute I thought she was going to say..let's work this out..hard to imagine why I keep thinking.
I told her that there is nothing to discuss. The attorney is drawing up a 50/50 split. She said that we need to discuss. I told her we agreed that 50% is mine and 50 hers. She asked me if I had talked to the kids ( she has never been involved in any of my conversations with the kids by her choice). I told her that I had gotten with them Friday and told them that we needed a family discussion. The kids said they would not talk to us together. She asked me what the girls said
I told her it didn't matter. She said just say it. I told her that the girls said that it was about time and that I could now be happy.
I feel 100 % better when i am not discussing with her..any advice other than to finish.
P.s. we agreed the kids should stay with who they wanted. I told the girls that there mom was going to get with them and that I would love for them to stay with me and would support any decision they made

I know I'm better off. My entire life I have always wanted to know the outcome. Life just does not work that way i am learning

Desty, you might want to consider moving out now and letting your attorney work out the details. Your wife is a master at playing head games with you and you are a master at falling for it.


With all due respect, your daughters have the best judgement in your family right now. They knew they didn't want to be insulted by the fogbabble of your wayward wife. They know she plays you all and couldnt' stomach it.

You are so right. I have no idea why I am so gullable.

Most people are not very equipped to deal with manipulative people because THEY are not manipulative. Your wife has long practice at lying and deceit. She has operated on her own selfish behalf for a very long time and does not have yours or your daughters best interest at heart.. Just keep giving yourself a reality check and............

.....keep walking forward!

Another factor is that you are very beat down from dealing with this for so many years. That is bound to have affected your judgement. This is why I am encouraging you get out of there. You will start noticing a big difference in your life once you get out of there. And you will make your daughters so proud!!

I think you're right. My kids see right through it. Not sure why I want it so bad . When she said did I see her text, I melted today. No doubt I'm out. I got the boxes today. I talked to the kids, divorce paperwork will be ready by Thursday. Keep telling myself to keep walking..

You are so right Melody. I melt when she talks to me. I dont see the side that I know is there. If I had to pick one thing that has always bothered me...I have always hoped she was telling me the truth and I was just wrong.
By not telling me anything or answering any questions, it kept me in this state for so long.

Desty you just need to stop talking to her and you will be as strong as an oak.

She is like nuclear war. The only way to win is not to play.

Yep!

Everyone is so right. I am looking forward to breathing fresh air again..

When will you be able to move out?

I am moving out tomorrow. I have a place short term before I finalize a lease. The kids said they would like to come with me. I was taken back a little as I said in an earlier post. ( not sure why- I guess I have always been told I worked too much - figured I was an average Dad.)

I am learning that I am far better than I think I am. Its quality, not quantity. Thinking back on my marriage, would have been awesome to even be asked to do anything. Neither here nor there. Just going to keep walking..

Melody,
I find that you are right. Now that I am finally getting ready to leave, I already feel better.
It's when i see or talk to her. Really I dont have to see or talk to her for anything other than finalization of the divorce.

How is it going, Desty? Did you get moved out?

Did you expose the affair and if so, what exactly did you do?

Melody,
I am trying hard. I have my place all set. It is fully furnished and I am packing now. Will be there tonight. I continue to be weak and make mistakes, but I am definitely out of the house today. I also have the draft of the divorce and have that to my wife today. I will then get back to lawyer and they will put it on record and deliver it to her.
My mistakes:
I asked her to make sure she spoke to the girls as to where they wanted to live. The told me they wanted me to stay there and have their mother leave. I know it's near the OM but if the kids wanted me to stay, as long as she's gone, wouldnt matter. I went home last night and the kids wouldnt talk to me about it. They said we had to figure it out. I then got with my wife whwn she got home and asked if she had talked to them. She said she tried but they wouldnt discuss. She asked me if they had told me, so I told her what they said. She said that she would move out,but that she has no place to go..but a hotel. I told her that I was going to continue with my plan (I already had a place setup) and that she would stay on the house. My plan is to tell the kids tonight that I am letting mom stay in the house becuase she has no place to go.
I agree with what you said..I am basically a mosh pit. We got on the subject of him again (yeah I started the conversation)
I said that be use he is still there, it has not and is not possible to fix a marriage. She never stops and says...he's not here.i haventbtaloed to him since we got back together. Instead she says flriddles like if I said yes or no you wouldn't believe me. I would feel better if she just said he's not here. I just dont want to be married to you period. She said we talked and I said I didn't have a connection and you said ok...but now you are talking about trying to fix it again. I said many married couples lose the connection. You can get it back. You just cant have an affair partner. She never says anything back. Sometimes I wonder if he is not there and she doesnt say anything becuase she wants it over. Not sure.
Sorry I took a step backwards, but I am out tonight.
I have no idea why this is so important...I am sure there is someone out there for me...going to focus on getting out. The kids can decide later what they would like to do. I am sure it's tough for them as well.