Thanks all I'm out .my daughters helping me I have a place of my. Iwn

All seriousness. You folks are amazing.ty

yeah desty!!!! And yeah Desty's daughters!!!

My daughter just helped me move in. I have one more load from the garage I'll get and I'm done. Operation....keep moving is officially underway..

You are doing great, my friend!! #KEEPMOVING

Goes without saying but could not have done it without you folks!

And it wouldn't have ever happened if you hadn't stood strong and kept walking! I know this is hard today, but it won't be that way soon; better days are coming. Are your daughters so proud of you?

Good job desty!! Way to keep walking!!

When you get time you should read this Please Explain Gaslighting

Just read..exactly how I feel/felt to the letter.

I wanted to thank everyone again.
Slept great last night as I now know I could never go back anyway. She said the first 20 years I was never there. I took that and we agreed to work on the marriage. 8 years later and after a long drawn out affair that may or may have not ended, she says that it is not all her fault. My last conversation, I told her it was absolutely her fault. It is 100 % her fault. My fault if any was being one of the most gullable people on the face of the earth. I like what Indie said...Hope is not a plan. When 2 people acknowledge and issue on the marriage and decide to fix, it must be without a third party. If a third party exists, they must leave immediately and the BS must be helped through the process of gaining trust again. That has never happened. Not one care of how I felt at any time. Each time he walked dby us..not even are you ok? Instead I got ..its not just your block.
My fog is clearing. Have always been looking for a smoking gun, but just the lack of acknowledgement on her part to even call it affair is so wrong. I remember one of the last conversations we had, she said "I just wave to him when he walks by.
She just doesn't get it...

I'm walking and I'm staying on this road.

Oh my...I cant believe that I just sat there for 8 years.oke a mushroom...

The more you come out of the fog you will have more "aha" moments. Which is a good thing.

Be very nice to yourself while you are processing all this.

So kind of a rough morning. I am still doing fine. I have always been one to have things fixed now. This will take time. That's hard for me.
I remind myself often that it's not my fault and even if the affair stopped, I would never know for sure. I agree with Melody. As long as she is living there, there is no chance anyway. I always thought I was making a big deal of little things like when she would walk the dog and tell me she just waved to him. I always thought that she didn't get it and I was overreacting in the same thought.
I am just going to keep moving....

Not making a big deal of things that ought to be a big deal is a big deal.... if you follow my drift.

I mean ...waving? How insultingly flippant to your feelings can she be?

Your instincts were right, she didn't get it. But you weren't overreacting. You are in the long habit of second guessing your self because you have been gaslighted for so many years. The issue was that she was able to even SEE him at all, much less have an opportunity to wave to him.



Great!! Do you have support there? From your sister or your therapist? I think it would be great if you can get help from a qualified therapist who can help you establish and maintain appropriate boundaries.

P.S. the problem wasn't her waving to the OM, but that he was still your neighbor.

I am living on my own. I go to a therapist once a week for now. The thoughts I have now are of moving on.

Can you join a gym and start focusing on rebuilding your life?

Yes already belong to a gym. Going to really focus on me. Slowly eliminating those fantasy thoughts of trying to get my marriage back. Everyday I make it, I really get clearer on how hard I tried with zero help.