Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 31 of 31 1 2 29 30 31
NewEveryDay #3003511 04/06/18 10:53 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
Indie, he said she was too attached to her family, but described a realtionship very much like me and my mom. Or him and his mom, for that matter. But that they make a big deal out of every holiday. Like me and my kids LOL, and when we were dating we would bring DSS to Easter Egg hunts, holiday parades, all of it. But he said he couldn't do these things anymore because of his arthritis, and it took me a while to put it together, that my mom has arthritis too, but will do as much as she can with the grandkids. It really helped hearing Dr. H and Joyce say they had artritis too and still have active lives. My mom can't be active like that, but she clearly wants to and expresses that to us and the grnadkids. In contrast, stbxh got annoyed with me when I asked.

Melody, absolutely I'm proud and grateful that I could respond to her too, that I wasn't so dependent on him that I had to made a plan over time to get out. It helped so much calling the Harleys and hearing the best plan forward for my family, so I could contrast that with what stbxh was willing to do. I thought I knew the program inside and out, but listening to the radio program daily is helping me to move forward and not linger my thoughts on "what might have been". I think it will make me a better poster here too.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #3003512 04/07/18 05:46 AM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
when we were dating we would bring DSS to Easter Egg hunts, holiday parades, all of it. But he said he couldn't do these things anymore because of his arthritis, and it took me a while to put it together, that my mom has arthritis too, but will do as much as she can with the grandkids. It really helped hearing Dr. H and Joyce say they had artritis too and still have active lives. My mom can't be active like that, but she clearly wants to and expresses that to us and the grnadkids. In contrast, stbxh got annoyed with me when I asked.
.


I thought so when you said it happened suddenly after marriage but I'd hoped not.

This is really rage inducing and you see it a lot, people who behave one way while dating and then as soon as you're married its like hahaha gotcha! But of all the times I've seen it done it's clearly a conscious decision coupled with bold faced lying like: "Oh no it's my arthritis" or "The wedding was expensive, that's why no more dates for us! Ever!" or "I'm tired because I have an extra person to help me in life now, so could you just do it all?"

People say look out for commitment phobes but you have to be just as wary for super keen guy who's using a wedding ring as you would a lasso.

What do such victimised people do when they are brand new married? Think: "Yes I will be suspicious and give them all the side eye"? No of course not, they vary between heartbreak and pointless bursts of hope.

*rage face*

How many more times is he going to pull this before he learns divorce is a thing?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

NewEveryDay #3003513 04/07/18 11:11 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
Until someone get smart and calls the ex-spouse! I am glad Dr. Harley advises that. I was afraid to do that because H avted like it would make him mad. Now I know that if I am afraid to do my due diligence because it would make him mad, that is a sign that I am not handling conflict correctly and I need to work on that before thinking I am ready to be married.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #3003515 04/07/18 07:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Until someone get smart and calls the ex-spouse! I am glad Dr. Harley advises that. I was afraid to do that because H avted like it would make him mad. Now I know that if I am afraid to do my due diligence because it would make him mad, that is a sign that I am not handling conflict correctly and I need to work on that before thinking I am ready to be married.

\
Bingo!! Your observation is right on...


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


NewEveryDay #3003534 04/08/18 12:31 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



NewEveryDay #3003535 04/08/18 12:51 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
Thanks so much Brain! Ill listen again today.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #3003536 04/08/18 01:03 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Thanks so much Brain! Ill listen again today.

Youre very welcome.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



NewEveryDay #3003779 05/09/18 03:06 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
My final hearing date has been set, next Tuesday. The movers were here last Saturday and all his things are out too. I'm *so* happy I didn't try to hobble along in the meantime with him here.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #3003787 05/09/18 06:46 PM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
That's so good to hear! You sound like you are no longer being dragggggggged down by a ton weight.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

NewEveryDay #3003798 05/10/18 07:24 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
I feel like that too! It is still so confusing to me how he went from so loving and kind with his son at first to so miserable with all of us now. And surprised at myself that I believed him it was just the arthritis for so long. It's okay, I don't have to understand it, just keep myself far away.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #3005070 07/06/18 10:34 AM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 360
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 360
Hi NewEveryDay, I went offline for a few years, and just today happened to think about the MB forum and found your thread again. After getting caught up, I'm sad after reading you found someone to marry, but it didn't work out.

Looks like it's been about 2 months since your last post. Hope you're doing ok.

NewEveryDay #3005107 07/08/18 08:48 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
Yes KL, doing well, thanks, its so good to see you! Ive been working on getting my house in order so to speak. Fixing up my house, got back to the gym, eating right, starting on certification class for what Ive been doing at work, started going to a new church that I really enjoy. I had planned a honeymoon to Europe this month with my ex, and now Im going instead with my DD, and were really looking forward to it. I dont know whether the marriage thing will work out for me one day or not but I feel so blessed with the gifts I do have in life.

How have you been? Isnt it cool that there are still the folks at MB here helping folks find lasting solutions for their marriages?


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #3005279 07/17/18 02:01 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 360
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 360
Sounds like you ARE doing well. And it's nice you can salvage your trip to Europe and go with your daughter.

"Back to the gym, eating right", that's what I'm doing too! I quit running last year to rehab an injury, and I've found that for me, no running = easy to gain weight.

"I don't know whether the marriage thing will work out for me one day or not" -- I hope it does. My wife and I recently celebrated our 5th anniversary, and things are running smoothly. It's nice to have someone who has your back. I hope you find someone like that.

Have a great time in Europe!

Page 31 of 31 1 2 29 30 31

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 16 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Ella Paradis, Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg
71,683 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5