Yes I do..plus I seem them quite often.
Thanks for all the advice.

Thank you

Just wanted to give a quick update. It's been a few weeks and our divorce will be final this Friday. Keep thinking everyday what Melody says..just keep moving and that at some point, I became a volunteer. I have went on a couple dates and it is very nice to have someone actually talk to you.
I also cherish my relationship with my daughters..most important.
Still have moments, but getting further apart.
In the down times I ask myself if I really would want my life back where I worried about the affair everyday. The OM rarely gets into my thoughts now. Definitely have more time to think.
I can see the light at the end...just gotta keep going.

This is great news, other than the dating part!! Wait until you are divorced to date, my friend. Congrats to you for having the stamina to walk out of this. Your actions have ensured that your life will only go UP from here!

Good work, desty. You are going to feel so much better down the road.

I echo what ML said about not dating until you are divorced.

Little to late as I already went on a couple, but one thing I have become good at is admitting I'm not perfect and forgiving myself. My philosophy has changed to everything going forward. I will take the advice and refrain going forward until officially divorced.
Thanks

So, I have heeded the advise about waiting to date until the divorce is 100%. I signed the final paperwork on Friday and all that needs done is for it to be filed with the court next week.
I have tried to block all contact with her and other than her forwarding some emails on Bill's, I have not seen or spoken to her. If I get an email, I immediately delete. This has been monumental in my recovery. The contact clouds my judgement and makes me weak.
I found it odd that she has told no one of the divorce?
My mother in law contacted me mother to discuss dinner and asked how I was doing. My mother told her that we were getting divorced. Apparently she had no idea. I believe my soon to be ex is in complete denial.

You are doing just great!! How are your daughters feeling about all this?

They seem like their happy. I actually spend a lot more time with them. Just focusing on me and them.

Update.
I guess I was a bit naive thinking I could get out of this without having some low times. I have done some really good things such as spending time with the girls, family,and have zero contact with my ex wife. She has not contacted me as well. I have not said a bad word about my wife to my kids and have not asked them how my wife is doing. I dont know if she is happy,with him or what. I think that is the right mindset.
I have taken a short vacation to see old friends and after almost 1 1/2 months on my own, I have decided not to date anyone and spend some time really working on me.
The dark times have come as well. My bad habits such as spending and my lack of discipline on taking care of my money showed up the first month. To my fault, I have never even paid a bill during our marriage.
Here is my question. This past week, I have had an aching wish for my life back. I wonder if its because i truly miss her, or if its because i am at the edge of my comfort zone and just need to push through or a little of both? I am saddened by the fact that if she contacted me, I think I would go back.
This is the furthest i have gone. I do feel much better about not being in the area driving by and always wondering - just extremely sad right now. I decided a couple weeks ago that I was probably self medicating with the wine and beer and have stopped all of that. I am opting for the healthy lifestyle. I guess my question is am I normal and do I just need to keep going forward? I had this crazy thought about getting in touch with her and asking her for a cup of coffee...then reality set in and I realized that is a ridiculous thought. I am looking at my life and I am saddened by what I see. I am trying to remain positive, but it seems like I really had a lot of faults and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

One additional:
The one thing (I know not wasn't all my fault as she has the affair) that I keep dwelling on are my shortcomings. I thought the affair was really the breaking point, but really I could have done a much better job as well. Just worked all the time. 3 jobs. Not sure why. Really didn't need the money. I guess when I stepped down from being a store manager making 6 figures, I tried to work extra hard to impress my family. Not to mention that i started to compare myself with the AP. Until i found out about the affair, we were at an equal status. He made a little more money, but I had more status in the community, so I had a lot of confidence.
I know I am rambling, just looking for a little advice for this part of the journey.

Thanks for checking in, desty! My suggestion would be to go to the doctor and either get anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds to help you through this. It is a huge adjustment so it is no surprise you would struggle a little at first. Try to find some interesting, fun hobbies to keep you occupied.

When you start thinking about the past, train your mind to shut that crap down. This type of thinking kept you imprisoned in a sick, dysfunctional situation for many years. You have to allow your logic to help you through such emotional thinking.. You cannot go back and change the past. All you can do is focus on making the present and future GREAT. Work with what you have, not what you don't have. The past is GONE; leave it there!

Thank you Melody.
Appreciate it.

i have been going through major anxiety at work recently and was waking up at 3am worried about work. The doctor gave me a low dose of an anti-anxiety medicine called Buspirone and it is working like a dream. it starts working right away and works by increasing your serotonin production. And I can stop taking it at any time with no effect. Something like that might really help you.

Perfect. I'll check it out this week. So just one more tidbit. My wifes best friend ( and only other than him)
Texted me last week. ( we have all been friends for a while so I didn't think anything of it.)
She said she had been thinking of me and wondering how i was doing?

My response:
Hi, I'm doing great, how are you? Then i said my mind has never been clearer. I dont think about her or him anymore and not driving by his house is amazing. I think they are good for each other and i wish them well.

Really didn't get a response. I told her to have a great day.
Good answer on my part?

Ps..my brother and 2 girls are planning a trip to the keys. They are very excited.

P.s. - question. I should never ever contact my wife and ask her for coffee or anything like that correct?
Even if I know she we could never reach out to me. That had always been part of the problem. I do all the reching.
Just making sure. I assume now that I am on this road, I need to stay on the road and keep moving forward.

DO NOT CONTACT HER. You are out of that hellhole and you should not look back. EVER. Go forward and focus on making your present and future great. You escaped from the concentration camp; don''t go back!

Why don't you throw yourself into dating? There are lots of nice ladies out there!

Thanks Melody. I am going to see my doctor this week as well. I tell you that after the divorce I did some soul searching and was really disappointed in the ways I reacted and i guess i blamed myself for the marital problems. The one thing i am proud of though is that I tried to own my piece. I just could never get closure on the affair. She just would never answer any questions. One of final conversations (one of many), I remember her saying that she only waved to him as he walked by. For real...still waving to him 8 years after this mess started..and that's all I know about..could have been years earlier. This is after she changed her pattern of walking to ensure she would see him. The best part...I said I am just tired of him walking past my house everyday. Her comment was, it's not your block Mike. He lives here too.
I never mentioned this but about 4 years ago ( I think it was when his ex wife presented me with his cell phone). It had my wifes number and work number. When I presented to my wife she didn't apologize or say anything other that she really didn't like him calling her at work as she was busy. Best part, when i left and went to the attorney...her mother stopped by one day and she told her I was leaving
Her concern wasn't that her husband was leaving and that she wanted to save the marriage..
..it was wondering what she was going to do without my $....
Oh my....why would I even think about going back
Thanks again, I just need to keep walking. Just was thinking about your previous post to me. I guess I always wondered if I was making the right decision. I think you said once..I was a victim who turned into a volunteer.