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I found Marriage Builders 3 months ago & have been reading through the Articles,
/Counseling Advice, reading in �Surviving an Affair� forum in that time. Purchased �Surviving an Affair� book, read 1/2 way through ( last night).

Very hard to keep this brief but I will try. (I�ll do my best with MB�s abbreviations).

Together since 97�. Moved in together 98�. 2 DD�s (teens now).H left me during my 1sr PG, 1 twin DD died in stillbirth. 3 miscarriages after. Separated in 03� for 4 months due to domestic violence (on his part. He attended AM & AA counseling, but admitted in court of �only going through the motions�. H admitted to a �1 night SA� during that time. Married in 2012.

I caught H in a massive lie in June 2017 (6 months after death of my Mother. Her 2 year Memorial is TOMORROW. ZERO EMPATHY from my H for her passing, we cared for her in our home 1 month before she died in hospital.
My Dad passed in 09�. H both parents alive.).

In June 17� H kept telling DD�s & I he had to go work out of town, 10 hrs away, stay overnight in hotel.(He has worked many times out of town, at times up to 2 weeks),in the 14 years within this company,during our 21 years together (in construction).
Something seemed �off� to me. He seemed overly �happy� when talking about going out of town/staying overnight. Told us he was working with a group of guys, said name of foreman.
A few nights before he left I looked into his work phones contacts/emails.
I found he was talking to a female co-worker several times. But her work phone number, was under a male contacts name/email. RED FLAG #1.
(My research showed she had been working at H�s company 2&1/2 yrs at that point).

I kept calling him all the way through his trip. I kept telling him I felt that he wasn�t being truthful to me.(I can always feel when he is lying. It is unbelievable how much he lies to DD�s & I).
2 hrs before he arrived at hotel he admitted that the �foreman � is actually female. Then admitted no other crew going up.
I asked him to NOT HAVE DINNER OR BREAKFAST WITH HER. He said he wouldn�t but admitted that he did both, only admitting to me after I kept asking him on the night he arrived home.

I only sent this woman an email 3 months later, as he was acting erratically upon further questioning. I spoke in the context that I was �giving her benefit of doubt� in that she may not be aware of his �infatuation� of her. I explained how he lied about the trip in June, how he was HIDING HER NAME/EMAIL under a males name (who was not even working at company�s by that time). I stated that my H ;...�behaves very differently at work than he does at home to me & DD�s�. I tried to state calmly but said a few things I shouldn�t have. Ended by stating I would not contact her
again UNLESS I found out in any way my H was acting in any way other than in a �professional manner only� with her.
One week after my email to her, H called me to tell me he had been ...�told by a supervisor that (he) has to go into HR DEPT., to talk about something�. He asked what I did. I told him about the email. Told him NOT TO SIGN ANYTHING. He refused to speak to me thereafter IF he went to speak to anyone. Then Later stated no one called him into HR.

The night he came home from overnight in hotel in June 17� with �OW�/coworker, he was calm in answering my questions. Told me that she talked about her...� Mom & brother who live in New Zealand�.Stated �I didn�t do anything with her�. Other than work/dinner/breakfast. (Later that week I was upset & told him that he should leave our home for at least a few days bc he hurt DD�s & I too much.he refused).
A few months thereafter he refused to answer further questions. Now it�s �I refuse to to talk to you any further about her, to you or anyone else. I�ve told you nothing happened. I didn�t do anything wrong �.

Last summer 18�, I found email between H & OW, showing that she was arranging to meet him at the storage yard, in order to get a ride back to main building. Upon asking H about it, he stated company gave her a company truck to use but stays at storage yard & she needed ride back to main building where her personal car was. H says that was the ONLY TIME HE DID THAT FOR HER.

I found emails in his work phone, Last November 20/21st/18�, that showed the female coworker (now a �supervisor�) was assigned to a job site two hours away & that he was assigned to deliver products to that site. I tried talking to him about it. He became angry & on those 2 days, SHUT OFF HIS WORK PHONE GPS LOCATION TO ME & DD�s. Refused to talk to me.

In the past 3 months I tried talking to H about MB,s counselling, I asked if I could order �SAA� which he agreed. It arrived last Thursday. I asked H to start to read
/start to apply the principles, he wouldn�t talk to me. Worked in our garage the entire weekend.

I am feeling �alarmed� bc of H�s erratic behaviour in the past 3 weeks. In my trying to do ,�research� into accounts, it tipped him that I was trying to sign into accounts. He started changing accounts over to his workplace email address/changing passwords to even accounts I previously had entrance into for years.
I found out awhile back that he has a gmail address that I asked him to terminate 3 yrs ago. He told me he did.
I found out 2 weeks ago that he has had a workplace �blog� account. He even added the main page �start up� at same time we met up with him after work (Saturday, extra work, GPS confirmed he was at location he said he would be, I heard the voicemail from the male foreman re:that job confirmed).
I couldn�t find anything much in the personal blog. 1 post. From last summer. He is following 10 people, but only 6 showed up (1 female from office, his older brother who works there (his younger brother works there as well), & 4 other male coworkers.
BUT H HAS NEVER SHOWED ME THAT �BLOG� from his workplace.

On January 7/19, H had a workplace required meeting, that lasted all morning. (I saw the confirmation email from HR, a specific female. She is his �main HR contact showing in his BLOG details). Then he stated he worked rest of day. (Had his phone off all morning). That �OW� name wasn�t showing in the �attendees� list. The meeting place is held at a HOTEL, every year, same place.

In past 2 weeks H has changed all accounts over to his workplace, (from our family shared IPad that he always complained should be �his� as I have an iPhone (his & DD�s GIFT for my birthday in 12�, DD�s share a mini iPad. Our computers hard drive broke last summer, have not replaced yet).
He has changed all passwords (which he does every time he gets angry).
He has slept on the couch for 5 nights in past two weeks after I try to communicate with him, he gets mad, tells me ...�I�m not doing this with you anymore�. NIGHT�.
He took off on me at 2am last Thursday morning, stayed in his truck in a parking lot until work at 6:30am. Changed accounts/passwords then.

I grabbed our iPad while he was asleep on couch next evening,refused to give back as he was acting erratically. I wanted to try to install a �Data Monitoring� software, but the iPad started losing charge & died before I could.
UNBELIEVABLY, I updated the IOS software on my phone on Sunday, added a new passcode, forgot it bc I am so tired bc I can�t sleep at night from worry, & I have been LOCKED OUT OF MY PHONE SIINCE SUNDAY.
(I have so many screenshots for �proof� of his behaviour (changing acckunts/passwords�).

I handed it to H last night to show him proof, (in spite of my knowing he was only �acting nicely� to me until he got it), he got it to start charging. THEN HE SLEPT ON COUCH, HIDING THE IPAD/HIS WORK PHONE & WORK IPAD, WALLET & KEYS.

I kept pleading with him to �come clean� to me, about WHATEVER HE IS HIDING, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS�. He kept saying�I�m NOT LYING OR HIDING ANYTHING. I�m just sick of you trying to MONITOR ME ALL THE TIME�.
Told me;�You�ll get the iPad back WHEN I,M DONE GETTING ALL MY INFO OFF OF IT�.
I kept telling him to please not go buy a new iPad as we are tight on funds. Though I asked him two days ago if we could look for & possibly purchase a new computer tower. He said �yeah we could go look�.
But I doubt it will happen now.

H informed on Monday, that...it looks like I�ll be looking for a new job bc the company just cut off all RRSP.s & overtime�, he mentioned it again to me yesterday.
after work. (I SAW THE EMAIL CONFIRMATION IF THAT ON IPAD BEFORE IT DIED & SENT TO MY EMAIL).

My apologies for any typos as I am typing this on DD,s mini iPad, taking very long, hard to have to share this with DD�s (I have been honest with both DD�s since �OW� scenario, & always, regarding their Dads lying, deception & erratic behaviour. That I am not doing anything wrong by expecting their Dad to be HONEST & NOT DECEPTIVE WITH US ALL.
(I am being told that I ...�have to learn when to stop talking about things�, by H as well as DD�s, as I tend to try talking after H goes to bed, which then escalates bc I am so tired of being stonewalled/intimidated by H to BE QUIET ).


APOLOGIES for this being long, hard to condense.

I just hope I don�t lose all the photos/�research on my phone, in trying to break through passcode (taking to computer expert tomorrow).


THANK YOU TO ALL.


*I�m braced for the �2x4�s�.

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I would just like to add a few points.

-In a text reply from H last week, he stated;�I don�t think we can get past the resentments that we have with each other�.
In same reply he stated;�You�re not an angel either� & �Try looking in the mirror yourself sometime�.

Husbands �Lovebusters� are �Angry Outbursts� & �Contempt� (Looks/Comments).

He has a major problem with constantly gawking at young females wherever we go. I have called him out on it many times. Told him how disrespectful it is to me, our daughters, our marriage & whom ever he�s staring at.

I realize MY �Lovebuster� is DJ�s (Directed Judgments ) towards him.

I have always been grateful for how hard he works to provide for our family & have always praised him to my family.

I stopped visiting his parents house a few years ago, as H�s father makes disrespectful comments to me/about me, though not in front of H.

H admitted to me in Our 1st year, that His Father inflicted corporal punishment upon him & both brothers in their younger years (spankings & hitting their bottoms with a leather belt).

It was H�s father who told him to leave me in my 1st PG, which H listened to, though he was crying very hard as he packed his belongings, saying to me�I don�t WANT to do this, but I HAVE TO�.

I don�t speak to H�s brothers or SIL�s, as they were/are extremely disrespectful to me from early on. Even causing a public shouting match with H years ago, only because I attended a family photo arrangement for all the families (not parents), but they lied to H so that I would not attend. I did so as DD�s & H all wanted me to attend.


H WANTS me to attend visits to his parents with DD�s, though I found it harder to try to attend past two years, after my Mother�s death (2 year memorial tomorrow).


*Just trying to add further context to our history.

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Welcome to MB and so sorry for all you�ve been through.

Do you have any spyware on any of his devices? Do you have a VAR and GPS on his vehicle?

Was he with this OW at the motel? Is she married? Does he still work with her?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Hi Mamawolf, welcome to Marriage Builders. One of the first things we do when a spouse suspects an affair is advise them not to ask their spouse, but to very quietly start snooping. If you ask and accuse the spouse, it just tips them off and they do a better job of hiding. Your husband doesn't even pretend anymore like he is hiding. He hides his phone and ipad from you. You desperately need to snoop on him and find out what he is doing but he is savvy that you are on the hunt so it will be very hard to catch him now. You will have to think of something he wouldn't suspect.

Some ideas I thought of was putting a GPS on his car and a voice activated recorder under the drivers seat. If you can afford a PI, a good one can usually get the goods in a couple of days.

But most of all, stop accusing and stop asking. It never ever works. Stay completely focused on being a more strategic snooper.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Yes he was with the �OW� that I found out June 17�, was just two of them at a hotel �for work�. H lied & told DD�s & I that it was a male foreman & male crew going.

H only admitted to me on phone,it was a female �foreman� just 2 hours before he got to the hotel (10 hrs from our home). Only because I kept telling him I felt he wasn�t being truthful.

OW isn�t married. Attractive.
(I believe I found out where she lived in the U.S. previously. He didn�t say if she said where she lived previously. Probably did but he didn�t tell me).
But we are in a different country than where my research shows she lived previously.

H lied & told me wouldn�t go to dinner & breakfast with her. But DID.

YES, OW is still at same company as H.
She works �out of town� on projects a lot.
(Obviously I�m concerned they worked together many times before I found out in June 17� about her. She had already been there 2&1/2 years.

Then I found H had an email from her (work iPad, but it also links exact messages to work iPhone), showing that she was arranging to meet him at the �storage yard� (he works there a lot, picking up/dropping product. Only a small site trailer there which is always supervised by a full time guy).
(H told me) It was because she was given a company truck & it was first time having it, so she �needed a ride� from that yard back to main office,to pick up her personal vehicle.
H stated that was the �ONLY time I did that for her�.

That was enough for me so after that was when I contacted her via email.
(Told her i knew about the �arranged ride� & my H wouldn�t be doing that again).

But H worked with her again last November. She was/is now a �Supervisor � (different department than my H but same company). He was to deliver product to that worksite (2hrs from our home). I saw several emails from main supervisor to my H, but it had OW email name attached.

H shut off his location for 2 days to DD,s & I once I told him I knew he was going to work with her again. Refused to talk to me about it.



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Thank you for your reply MelodyLane

Reading your replies to BS�s through all the posts I�ve read in past 3 months, has been truly helpful to me.


1.The only GPS I have is connected via iPhones, my personal,his work phone,
He shuts it off whenever he feels like. Has been shut off to me for 2 weeks now. But he generally has kept it on for DD�s IPad,same service.
(I�ve been locked out of my phone since Sunday now. Forgot the passcode I put in after updating IOS. Locked out after too many tries. There is a data recovery software I can buy once we get new computer, so that I can at least save all photos/notes/docs. Not sure it will save all text threads).

2. No VAR. But yes, I�m going to try to get one ASAP for his truck.

3.I will never afford a P.I. H is main income. I�m SAHM. (Very minimal $ from monthly government deposits).
H gives me his debit card for groceries. Changed the password to his bank account last June (though I found the password & watched his account up until last week when he changed it again. 3 tries for password & it locks the account & notifies H via email so I won�t try again).


DON�T ASK H. YES, that is where I went wrong. Plus, I shouldn�t have kept trying to get into his accounts. Once we got new computer I could have installed a software that will watch the iPad (our personal only), to show accounts/sites/keylogger.

He has moved all accounts over to his company email, so that it alerts him if anyone is trying to get in.

I feel he is going to go purchase a new iPad today (payday).
Our personal one lost charge .I kept it for 5 days from him. Was going to install that watcher software, but I couldn�t get it to charge. H �talked nicely � to me in front of DD�s until I gave him the iPad. He got it to charge again & kept it.
When I tried to tell him 2 nights ago that he can�t keep thinking he can keep hiding accounts/passwords from me, his reply;�I�ll just get MY INFO OFF OF IT, then you can HAVE IT�.
That�s what causes me to feel he�s judt going to buy a new one & keep me locked out from now.


Note; There have been several emails that came into junk mail on our iPad, addressed to his full name,in past 2 years. (One very sexual in speaking, glad I found before my DD�s saw it). I took screenshots before deleting, have them saved in an app (locked passcode). That also contains pics of �OW� & screenshots of the research I did on her.
Another email came in 1 month ago. That one was from another unknown email. Talked like �former classmate�...�would love to meet up & see how your life has been going�... along that line.
I confronted H but he just said;�ITS JUST SPAM!�
But I have it in that locked app. Just in case.


**Today is the 2 year memorial for my Mom. She was my best friend. She died bc I didn�t keep out of the hospital. I failed her. And she died thinking my H was a �good man�.

That�s what�s ruining my soul.

Along with knowing now who my H truly is, which I know now, is a Sexually Addicted,Covert Passive/ Aggressive NARCISSIST.
(I also told him that I felt he was that, a month ago, verbally to him. Not the SA part. Shouldn�t have. NEVER TELL A NARCISSIST YOU�RE ONTO THEM. The �mask� is ripped off & you become ENEMY #1.)


I�m sorry this is so long ML.
I have a question for you.

*Do you feel I should go directly to the HR department at H�s company, & talk to someone there, regarding that I knew in past his lies/deception about OW, & feel I should have contacted HR THEN but didn�t? I only sent email to OW.
(My concern is that H�s main HR contact is a YOUNG GIRL. And that she won�t take it seriously, or just think I�m the �crazy wife� bc H has the whole �I�m a NICE GUY� illusion going on at his job for everyone there for the past 14 yrs?

I am also thinking, OR ONLY, that I should contact the �IT� department at H�s company, to tell them how H has moved all PERSONAL ACCOUNTS over to his COMPANY EMAIL ADDRESS.
I would think that is clearly AGAINST COMPANY POLICY?
(But if he buys a new iPad today, he will just spend all night/weekend, moving those accounts back over to a new email address, attached to a new iPad.
As in IT department may not find anything by next week.

Yes, my biggest concern is doing any of above would cause H to completely melt down & abandon our family. Leaving us with ZERO $.

He is also paying for phone account/fuel/ vehicle I drive is registered in his name.

I think I can already hear you (ML) & the �vets� chiming in saying;�NOOOO. JUST LAY LOW, SNOOP.VAR in his truck! BIDE YOUR TIME & LOCK IN FACTS w/SOLID PROOF!�

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If you can't get the goods you need very quickly, I would plan to get legal help and separate from him. Just the fact that he is hiding his phone, ipad, etc, is a deal breaker. It is obvious he has secret second life that has been kept from you for a very long time. And no, you shouldn't contact HR, you have nothing to report.

I would get a GPS tracker on his car along with the voice activated recorder. Do this asap and then ask him for all of his passwords and complete access to all his devices - ON THE SPOT. He needs to do this at the time you ask so he doesn't have time to delete anything. Obviously if he refuses, then he is hiding something. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.

In the meantime, I would reach out to a good attorney and find out your rights. In the US, when a couple separates, the breadwinner still has to support the family.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Can you buy a GPS and put it in the vehicle along with the VAR? Then even if he turns his phone off you can still get the information.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Also, a bit of housekeeping that will help you tremendously on this forum: please shorten your posts to include pertinent information. There is alot of superfluous, unrelated information in your posts which will make it much more difficult to follow your story. People tend to miss key facts or skip your thread entirely if you give too much information.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Can you buy a GPS and put it in the vehicle along with the VAR? Then even if he turns his phone off you can still get the information.

Right, I would get another GPS he doesn't know about. Any spy resource he knows about is worthless.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Can you sell some stuff on ebay? With that money you could buy a VAR and/or GPS.

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I was going to purchase a VAR this week for his truck.

H is extremely mechanical, works on his truck a lot.
I�m too worried he would find it & use against me where my daughters are concerned.

Also the truck has a DASHCAM RECORDER. Anytime you enter the vehicle, it records.
Installling a GPS of any kind would take too long & dashcam recorder would alert him.

HOWEVER, in light of what H did THIS MORNING (see my post below),
I feel a VAR wouldn�t help at this point.

And again, if H found VAR/GPS in his truck, he would become even more vindictive, try to get at me, using our daughters/possibly legally.
I can�t risk that.

I REALIZE THE REASONING FOR VAR/GPS.
But I am the mentally stable spouse here, & I have to also think about MY actions, so that my daughters do not get used as pawns, during my H�s �knee jerk� reactions.

I am trying to find a WEBWATCHER software, that I can download on my DD�s mini iPad, to install on the large IPad.

I�m refusung to give the iPad back to him (I got it back this past Friday evening when he left it out & left the room).

I absolutely feel he is using the iPad to �converse� with someone/or several women on �chat sites�.

I know he wouldn�t use his work iPhone to make actual phone calls for possible meetups. His work iPhone & work iPad are closely monitored.

So he�s exclusively using text. It�s why he�s flipping out that I retrieved the iPad & wont return to him.

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Yes, I will be in need of monetary funds & will most likely need to sell some items.

Please see above for my reasoning on the VAR & GPS.

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You can hide the GPS in non-technical parts of the car. Unless he vacuums often, it will not be detected. If he doesn't know he should look for something, he probably will not look for something.

If you buy a unit with reasonable battery life, you don't need to install it, just push it between the cushions of the backseat and recover it after some time. Or buy a cheap used smartphone (look for one with good battery life), turn all sounds off and slip/stick/tape it under the chair. For traveling, I use the app "polarsteps" to keep track of my journey. It would do the job.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
In the meantime, I would reach out to a good attorney and find out your rights. In the US, when a couple separates, the breadwinner still has to support the family.
And don't forget this.

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IMPORTANT UPDATE...

I asked H last night for his debit card for groceries He gave me his debit card.

I slept in youngest DD,s room last night.
I didn�t say anything else to H last night.

This morning as he was getting ready for work, I calmly asked him to please give us back our computer tower. (He took it from home yesterday, only brought back into house late last night bc eldest DD kept asking him to do so, bc the cold would cause damage to PC).

I took back our personal iPad, when he left it out on the coffee table in living room this past Friday evening.
(The iPad is mine & the girls Homeschooling property, bc the school completely reimbursed us for it, I signed for school to be paid for it).

H kept telling me this morning that once I give him back HIS iPad,...�than HE WILL BE GONE FOR GOOD�...

I told H to;�PLEASE WAKE UP,STOP LYING TO ME/US, TELL ME THE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN HIDING & WE CAN WORK EVERYTHING OUT�.
He kept saying; �I�m not lying, YOU�RE CRAZY�.

He kept telling eldest DD that (I);...� am the one WHO STARTED ALL THIS�.

Then right before he was going to leave, he said he wanted his debit card back.
I knew if I gave it back that he would go get a hotel room tonight/? nights.
And we needed groceries today, so no, I would give back his debit card later today after getting groceries.

He started yelling to give his debit card back. That woke up eldest DD.She came out & started telling H to...�just give us back the computer tower, but we need the debit card for groceries today, which you gave to us last night, we�ll give it back to you tonight.LEAVE,go to work�.

Then H is yelling that it�s HIS IPAD, he WANTS IT BC HIS INFORMATION IS ON IT.
H had it & locked with passcode & hid from us for 5 days but didn�t get his info off it??
(I realize it�s bc it is his way of communicating on �chat sites�, as the parental control software I placed on computer, 2 years ago, shows the �access attempts.
It runs on our network, still operates w/o computer).


Then H told us the computer tower was behind the couch (only because he put it there THIS MORNING). Hid it under our bed as he slept).
So eldest DD grabbed the tower & was walking towards her room & then he started yelling �NO WAIT A MINUTE, I WANT MY DEBIT CARD BACK FIRST!�

Eldest DD said �We both told you we�ll give the card back after we get groceries today?�

So H went into our bedroom & started tearing apart a large tote I have in our closet, that has MY MOMS URN, her paperwork, family special photos/mementoes in it.
He grabbed a bag (that has Moms legal papers in it) JUST BC HE WAS ACTING OUT OF SPITE TO MAKE ME GIVE HIM THE IPAD BACK.

I kept telling him;�smarten up!
You are acting erratic! Those are MY MOMS PAPERS, THEY ARE NOT YOURS, YOU�RE NOT TAKING THOSE�.

Eldest DD kept saying the same thing to him.
I stood in front of the door, kept saying �please STOP acting like this, just give me the papers�.


-Then H punched a hole in the wall.

-H ripped the thermostat off the wall next to hole.(I can�t turn the heat on now, house is getting cold, using small heaters).

-H threw single coffee thermos & thermostat at living room mantle.

-H walked out front door. Eldest DD locked it quickly.
H kicked door several times, breaking the frame & lock hinge (we cannot lock the door now).

Youngest DD had come out of bedroom & witnessed H outburst.

H looked at us in rage after kicking door in, I could see he had a cut on his nose.so he did that to himself at some point.

He did take the bag with my Mothers papers.


DD�s & I ARE OK.
HE DIDN�T TOUCH US.
I DIDN�T TOUCH HIM (only when he came to close to me as I was standing at front door, I put my hands out, he walked into them, then backed away).


I informed my (youngest) sister via text, right after H left this morning.
I had just text her yesterday some of what has been happening,
as well �just in case H starts acting out in some way�.



I realize many vets here, will advise me to call police, but I will not do so.
H will then turn things around on me, just to �spite�.

I have dealt with people getting involved (legally) years ago & I will not put our DD�s through that again.
I told my H years ago that he & I will never involve lawyers/police into our family�s lives, ever again.
I have witnessed too many �ulterior motives� from many people within those organizations.

At that point I stated to H that I will not tolerate further rage/outbursts on his part again.

I will not allow H to come home, until such time he �COMES CLEAN� & admits his lies & deception & WHY.
As well, until H agrees to start the MB SAA PROGRAM, with me.
ASAP.

I will not allow DD�s to go anywhere with H w/o my attendance, until we get through a large part of the MB SAA program.


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You need to call the police, file a Restraining order and change the locks. Of course the �veterans� will tell you to do this because it is the right thing to do. Otherwise he can come waltzing back in at any time. You cannot prevent him from coming back unless you do this.

Call the police and file a report!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MamaWolf2
I realize many vets here, will advise me to call police, but I will not do so.

So you don't want him to get the most effective therapy to stop this?

There needs to be a permanent record of the fact that he did this.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by MamaWolf2
I realize many vets here, will advise me to call police, but I will not do so.
H will then turn things around on me, just to �spite�.

I have dealt with people getting involved (legally) years ago & I will not put our DD�s through that again.
I told my H years ago that he & I will never involve lawyers/police into our family�s lives, ever again.
I have witnessed too many �ulterior motives� from many people within those organizations.

At that point I stated to H that I will not tolerate further rage/outbursts on his part again.

I will not allow H to come home, until such time he �COMES CLEAN� & admits his lies & deception & WHY.
As well, until H agrees to start the MB SAA PROGRAM, with me.
ASAP.

I will not allow DD�s to go anywhere with H w/o my attendance, until we get through a large part of the MB SAA program.

He can't come home until he can control his temper as well. Take it from an anger management "vet" - there is no progress to be made in surviving any affair until the angry outbursts are over and done for good.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by MamaWolf2
I realize many vets here, will advise me to call police, but I will not do so.
H will then turn things around on me, just to �spite�.

But you won't be in his presence for that or listen to that crap, so you have nothing to worry about from his reaction. He can say whatever he wants to say and have whatever argument he wants to have about it. He'll just have to do it in any empty room by himself without you because you'll never sit around for that again.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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