She could also have a secret second cell phone so look around for that.

I concede. I had her so upset last night she deactivated all social media. She actually came home between work instead of her parents. She got a storage unit to move her stuff out. She repeated again tonight that she just can’t do anything whether it’s counsiking or other resources. She’s glad I have found other resources and she hopes they help me. But in the end I believe that it takes two to start rebuilding and she just can’t do it. Heartbroken tonight.

The marriagebuilders plan is perfect for a man who wants to win his wife back.

When both spouses want to rebuild, they don't come here, but they try to figure it out themselves. When both spouses want to end it, they don't come here, they file for divorce.

MB is your best chance, so buckle up and get ready to follow a plan.

Thanks for that but as she said it’s too late. I’ve waited to late to help her and help me recover from my affair. She can’t rebuild the trust and she said if she had taken serious action and been honest with herself when my affair was exposed years ago she would’ve left me then. And she’s right that’s the kind of person she really is. The kind that’s says to herself hey make a mistake like that to me and byebye

You need to get the VAR and the GPS, LostNBroken. You have to get evidence of her affair. This is why she is closed off to you.

Even while heartbroken, you need to keep on keeping on. One step in front of the other. Keep moving towards your objective, which is saving your marriage. If you find evidence of her affair, there are actions you can take to break it up. Once it is broken up, then you have a chance.

Stopping by her parents when she says she will be sleeping there is a good idea. Can you proceed with that? Can you stop by Walmart and get a VAR?

Please stop this crap posting and take the action steps we have recommended. You need to focus on your plan and not the words your wife says. IGNORE WHAT SHE IS SAYING! Your wife is a falling down drunk who is high on her affair. Would you take seriously the words of a falling down drunk? She is completely fogged out and makes no sense. She is throwing your affair in your face to keep you off balance. And it is working!!

STOP allowing yourself to be thrown off balance. Stop talking about this and get to work collecting intel. It is the KEY to saving your marriage.

Can you afford a PI? A good PI could quickly get the evidence. If you can get the evidence we have a strong chance of saving your marriage. It is cheaper than a divorce.

I've started gathering intel the best I can for the moment. No ah ha moments yet, other than she herself has done a background check on this man. I have done the same.

He is not married
Single and lives alone
no criminal records, other than speeding tickets, the most recent ticket is from 4 years ago
no bankruptcy
no liens
no license for gun
add it appears that he just bought some land in the past month, for which I assume after google maps will be to build a house.
Has facebook but is not active on it, hasn't posted anything since last fall which was a wedding he was in

Also did a background check on my wife
she has other email accounts I didn't know of
after looking into what "online" activity I can, I have learned that
she has deactivated her FB account, yet FB messenger is still being used
her instagram and snapchat apps she has used as recent as last night, unable to access the content of these
and it appears she is planning on a vacation at some point, several search hits to national parks, that are no where close to here

Will be looking into a VAR soon.
Can not afford a PI
Have bought webwatcher, not sure when I'll have access to her phone
I'm also not a very tech person has me nervous to even attempt something like a spy app

You are on the right track!!! This is great progress. I would get a VAR and a GPS on her car. ALSO, go to the OM's FB page now and copy all of his contacts. Try to identify his parents and other close relatives and keep this information safe.

I want to applaud you for regaining your focus. [no easy feat!] While there are no guarantees, you have a high chance of saving this if you can ignore her fogbabble and stay focused on your PLAN. See, they have no plan which puts you at a distinct advantage. Your emotions can be your worst enemy in these situations. Your situation is far, far from hopeless and I want to give you hope. We have seen much worse than this come back for a miraculous recovery. If you have the ability to put aside your emotions and follow a plan your chance of saving this are much greater.

BE strong and put all your focus on getting good intel!

Thanks, I know I will just keep needing to be pushed.

He has 815 friends so I took screen shots of his friends list

Sort of legal question

She is pushing for the divorce the week of April 8th I don't know how long a divorce will take to get finalized. She wants nothing so there seems to not be a fight for anything.
I know once the divorce is final she will proceed with getting a new phone/plan. We have agreed to continue to live together for the kids to finish the school year, 2 months away.

Since we will become "roommates' and she will have her own phone plan what trouble would I be headed for if I installed spy app on her new phone

also I picked up a VAR at lunch I will check the operation investigate forum but any tips on how to hide it

"While there are no guarantees" This I need to keep hearing this, because I do feel like Im headed in "false hope" mode

Excellent, make sure you ask for full custody of the children. That will give her a big incentive to try to repair this. It will also put a bomb into Afairland.


You will have absolutely no problem stretching out the divorce process for that long. Just tell your lawyer you want to take it slowly, don't tell him why. Until the divorce is final, anything bought with marital money is marital. Just test everything first by installing it on your own phone. If you have any anti virus software installed on the phone, run that to make sure it is not detected.

The idea is to put it where she might talk to OM. If that is the car, velcro it to the underside of the passenger seat. If it is the bedroom, velcro it behind the headboard. The idea is to put it somewhere where she will not discover it if she is cleaning.


There is always hope.

This discovery is a gold mine! Great job of finding information, especially when nothing showed up initially. You're doing great work with your intel.

Keep moving forward on the VAR right away, and also getting a GPS on her car asap.

There was one betrayed husband on here who's wife refused his attempts to save the marriage for months, filed false police reports and even committed him to an insane asylum involuntarily for a weekend, but he persisted through all of that and recovered his marriage. He stops by here once in a while.

This is not an easy process but it will give you the best chance to kill the affair, run off the other man and restore your marriage.

Try to separate out his family members and close friends if you can. Look for any one with the same last name and build a family list.

The tactic behind this strategy is for her to pretend like you are "separated" in the same house in the hopes that she can carry on her affair from the safety of your home without you bothering her. Many wayward wives pull this stunt, they move into the guest room, proclaim themselves "separated" and freely carry on their affair. They say well I am "separated" so I am justified in committing adultery. You need to make it VERY CLEAR that you are not "separated" and that you are married until divorced. Don't act like you will condone adultery. That will just feed her fog and greatly confuse your kids. It is a classic wayward wife stunt and you shouldn't fall for it.

"Separate" means to separate. It doesn't mean I go out into the garage or sleep in the guest room. If she wants to "separate" she needs to move.

Been watching the cell phone log today, since that is all I have to monitor at the moment. It's bee oddly quiet since about 9pm last night there has only been one incoming call from her cousin (10pm) and one out going call to her mom (noonish today)...and only 2 text messages in and out at (10am) to friends one whom works with her the company the other to her mom.

Check our bank accounts no strange activity today. Has me beginning to think maybe he bought her a phone either on his plan or a prepaid phone. Advice on best places to snoop and look for a 2nd phone. Obvious locations being her purse and car.

While you are still collecting the goods on the affair. Read Wife Won't admit to Affair in your down time.

If she has a second phone she will need to put it on silent so that it does not ring and let the feline out of the bag. So it will be on vibrate and be in a pocket. Can you check her clothes when she is in the shower?

I would be tempted to put the official phone somewhere where she is likely to think she left it by mistake and see what happens next. If she does not seem to care, that tells you that it is time to check the VAR. Of course you could get lucky . . she might try to find it by calling it from her stealth phone. That would be good!

oh my gosh just realized I have a gps on her car..sort of...OnStar...anybody know if I can reactive onstar without her knowing?

Can you check her clothes when she is in the shower? Yes I can..thanks and good plan on the other