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Re: Separated, lots of contact, no affair - any hope?
NoWaaah #3008860 07/19/19 11:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Norah
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
If there is no affair, you start the MB program. If there is an affair, you implement a completely different strategy. That's why it is so important to get intel.
How would you suggest getting a separated spouse motivated to start the program? That was my original question and I'd still love an answer or at least some suggestions for how to approach it with some chance of success.
If there is an ongoing affair, the chance of success is zero. That's the point.

Men and women differ in what they can take. An affair is a not good for your health, often it damages the betrayed spouse. Men can fight for their marriage way longer than women. It is bad for a woman's health to stay too long in such a bad situation. Without an affair you follow the advice in the first thread on this subforum. If you do that when an affair is active, that would be bad for your health and achieve nothing.

Main goal is to minimize damage to you and maximize chances of saving your marriage. The reason for hammering on ruling out (or confirming) an affair is that nobody wants you to suffer and put in effort that will not lead to anything but draining your health.
Re: Separated, lots of contact, no affair - any hope?
NoWaaah #3008861 07/19/19 11:43 PM
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https://www.marriagebuilders.com/saved-by-one-spouse-part-1-2.htm

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Those marriages can be turned around, too, but it's much more difficult and the process is more painful.

Not sure if you already reached out to Dr. Harley, but that would be wise. Your situation is even more difficult because you are a woman and 'fighting like a man' will not work.
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