And be sure and let her know you won't be leaving. Why is she saying you will be leaving? Is she aware she can't throw you out of your own home?

Be sure and tell your kids, IN FRONT OF HER, that you have no reason to leave your home and have no such plans. Don't let her scare your kids with her vindictiveness. They need to know you are not leaving them to accommodate her affair.

I did not write correctly. She told Cleaner’s that she will be leaving and girls heard that.

Quick Update: My birthday is coming soon and we celebrated it today as I will go out for a day on my birthday. In fact, the OM and my birthday are on the same day.

In fact, I was on a business trip last year on my b'day and she had left kids for a sleepover with our best friend and had vanished for 2 days. Our best friend connected the behavior of the last year recently.

Today, my wife took the kids out during the day and brought an expensive gifts (by her standard) relating to Vikings. Before leaving for b'day dinner today, I came and sat with her, tried to hold and talk to her. She resisted and but I still did that politely. I told her that you are generally a nice person and should not get abusive. Such language does not suit her and she repented, I also told her that you had abused in anger but now that phase has gone. I told her again that you don't have to leave this home as all loves and wants her at home.

She went back and starts talking about why it's no choice for her to stay. The entire world of her knows. She wants to leave this world and go. All of them are supporting me and she doesn't want to talk to anyone one them anymore. In the girls get together last evening, I came to know that she was mostly sitting alone and not interacting with anyone else. This actually prompted me to go and talk to her today. I reassured that plenty of love and respect is left for her in this home. I also told her that relief her parents saw when I kissed today in front of them for the birthday picture.

Gname, this is a really good report. Just keep reaching out to her like this and it will slowly improve. It will not improve overnight. Here is another seed i want you to plant with her. You need to paint a beautiful picture of your marriage as I described above but you need to add "if you end all contact with the OM.." TEll her we can have a great marriage if you will end all contact with the OM. Start planting that seed.

Thank you Melody.

Another update: I gave her a good hug before sending to the office today. She continued to say, find some girl for your self in office. I said will find if needed.

She said not liking what I am doing which is basically going to friends where they know and talk. I am sending my elder daughter for 4 days sleepover @CT where other 4 girls are also coming. All of them are friends. We have a big festive occasion is coming on Sep 7 in CT. She doesn't want to go. She said how can I go, everyone knows. All kids also may know in CT. I said ok let's talk later.

I see in-laws made good food today and additional worshipping to the god. I greeted them well. After my last interaction with my mom-in-law two weeks ago, I had limited my interaction significantly.

I just sent her a text today - Introspect and identify the core values you want to have. Don’t let anyone shake it. Only be flexible to an extent it not eroding your core. You can’t hide the truth from yourself. Uncomfortable truth will haunt you one or other time. Try to overcome the past and hold your future together

In case I don’t see you this evening, have a wonderful day..

GNAME. Don't lecture your wife. She is not a child. I assure you the OM is lecturing her. That is a huge lovebuster.

Ohhh - Thank you!

I meant to say: I assure you the OM is NOT lecturing her!! And if he is, he is causing HUGE lovebank withdrawals.

Quick update: she came from office and I asked her to come and hold my hand. She refused to come close and started the same thing. Don’t do all these and try to create confusion among the kids.

She said I am very clear that I am not staying. I can’t live in this envt where everyone knows. It’s very hard to face people who knows about it. She asked me not to brainwash the kids against me. Kids will go where I go in my 50% time. I told her that no one is asking you to go and there is plenty for her in this home. She said I am clear that I don’t want to be with a person/me who has humiliated me so much by calling all the people. This was a private matter and could have handled privately.

I can’t sit in the room where people had come and questioned me. I can’t live life sulking over it. I want to live in fun. We had very polite and civil conversation.

I told her that this need to be thought not only for self but also the kids who wants their father mother together. She mentioned that kids will understand. I also said people there also know about you how you are going to handle that? As per her, people in this group are closer and I can’t handle that.

I said you are not being pushed out but obviously can’t force you to stay. She again said you are not making easy for me to go. I said I don’t mean to hurt you but if you decide to divorce me I will follow the law under the guidance of attorney.

I also told her that if you continue to stay in touch with the OM, this back and forth will not stop. She said that she is not doing any back and forth. So pendulum has swung again in the other direction.

You did great, Gname!! Sounds like you were calm, loving and straightforward. Another thing I would say over and over to her is:

"I want us to have a happy, passionate, loving marriage where both our needs are met."

Can you memorize that line and say it whenever you find an opportunity? She will scoff at that now, but you can plant a seed. When the conflict grows in her affair, she will remember what you said.

Update: my wife spoke to my elder daughter y’day to let her know that she is planning to leave soon. She advised her to stay strong and come wherever she goes.

My daughter response was that don’t make divorce ugly and be nice. And she said I am not coming to the OM place.

I advised my daughter to tell her mom next time that she is not leaving. Is this ok?

Absolutely!

Happy birthday!

Thank you

Another update: ego of my wife is hurting kids now. Many of our friends are not sending their kids for sleepover at our home. Last time one kids came and my wife became very angry at my younger one. Our friends daughter was terrified. They reached out to me and I agreed to stop sleepover for sometime.

My younger one had a planned sleepover at her friend place today. My wife asked our best friend to send her daughter and she refused. In my wife also cancelled the return sleepover planned for day after.

I am on flight for one day trip and feel extremely sorry for the kids. I spoke to my wife and discussion turned sour as she started accusing me for all these mess for exposing and then talking to them. She again started threatening that she will leave and my standard response.

Just feeling sad for the kids and envt.

I am sorry your wife is doing this to your children. She is greatly harming her relationship with them.

This is the message from other kids mom and our best family friend who has been supporting both of us:
=====
Gname, I am done with Xxxx (my wife) today- she has today put me in a situation of questioning & I don’t deserve it...she doesn’t care about anyone & now I don’t give a [censored] about her.

I am relieved that I see what all other girlfriends saw in her- that’s only deceit - she is just fakeness that’s it. I am not angry or disturbed I am just sorry that I spent all this time with her. “
=====

She also accused me for not dealing with her strongly with my unfaithful wife and allowing her with all these tantrums and dance on other head. Our friends are getting annoyed.

Hi Melody - should I write this text to her?

Xxxx - these long flight journey gives me opportunity to think more about you and I try to put myself in your shoe and view the surrounding.

How much so ever your parents are there, this has become a lonely battle for you. I am in pain, and more I think of it, I can understand your pain. And I don’t want you to feel alone. I am there for support as much I can provide.

I am prepared and accept/respect any decision you take for your happiness.

It's all good but delete the last line! No, you won't accept or respect a destructive decision!! That is a very uncaring thing to say your wife. If you CARE about your wife you will never accept or respect self destructive, stupid decisions. Please don't ever tell her you will accept or respect this!