I would STOP trying to have these discussions with her because it is not Plan A. As you can see, it is not helping the situation. Just focus on being as pleasant as possible. Whatever you do, DON'T come across as giving her the cold shoulder because that just makes the OM look better and gives her ammo against you.


I guess I don't understand what you are doing. What do you mean by "approach her?" What are you doing? Plan A only means presenting an attractive, pleasant face. It doesn't mean you try to pick fights with her or get into serious discussions. Can you clarify what you are doing?

Evidently she hates those so stop. No more 'private moments of talk with her'. That is not what Plan A is about. You need to be the best husband you can be. That does not mean cornering her, it means romance and fun. Make her laugh, women find that irresistible. Intense private moments will have to wait until she is back in love with you.

Remember that your ace card is that she chose you for marriage. Be as you were when you first met her, it worked then and it can work now.

I don't pick flight but just try to have a casual talk such as how is your health?. Soon I say anything like this, she will respond I am always good. and then extends the conversation to take care of yourself as I am gone, ect. She will try to project as if I have become insane and need to collect things together and move on in life. She keeps advising that I should not talk (in her words cry) to friends, etc.

Thank you Living Well!

Gotcha. Just focus on being as pleasant as possible and don't fight with her. She is trying to drag you into a fight. And whatever you do, DON'T give her the cold shoulder. That only gives her ammunition to use against you. She is telling herself and the OM that you ignore her, etc, etc, etc and you don't want to fulfill her demonizations.

All - quick update. I caught my wayward wife with the OM today outside her office.. she was out from her office for 4:30 hours during the day, I am filing for divorce next week. Thx for all your support.

Thanks for the update!

Will you be staying in the house and telling her she needs to get out?

Yes, I will keep the home. She won’t be able to afford it. And kids for now wants to stay in this home. Until the divorce is finalized, she will stay in a different room.

I think me seeing her with OM filled me with anger. I can’t cut someone I love so easily. I will not file for divorce. I will try to win her back. I love her and can’t just let her go this way. I want her pain and hurt to go away now.

After I caught my wife with the OM in front of her office on Friday, I told the incident to all our friends who knows this. We talked about divorce and talked to the kids. I was in extreme anger all Friday. A few girl friends reached out to her to stop this non sense. Friday and Saturday mostly remained tense and unease. She sent the following text last night

G - I am ok with all your divorce terms. I don’t want kids. Can we go and file this week jointly? And finish this episode immediately. I am unable to live here. I will take the rental home that’s all. No one needs to know our terms. Not even kids. If you want you can publish it to all other as you have been doing.

My q: can this be game by her knowing that I can easily become emotional fool? I feel she is genuinely hurt from this exposure and knows that she will never get her same place back among the friends.

As she had locked her room, my text response to her below:

Dear xxx, You will get everything that you are entitled which is love and respect. This episode has made me realize that how much I love you. All the mistakes happening need to stop now. Please try to sleep. If you want to yell at me, pls do so but not in front of the kids. I want kids to love their mamma.

2nd text: But sleep for now my gudiya.. i was thinking all about you later afternoon and in the evening. You are always in my thoughts. I am unable to cut you off from my thoughts. Sleep now pls.

Never thought the journey will come here. Later journey will be decided later but for now first you need to start feeling better. You are not as complicated as the whole episode made it appear. I think I still know you. And I love every aspect of what I know you. I love you Xxx and will do everything to get you out of this hurt and pain first.

3rd text: You are not an object for me to get rid from life. Besides being mother, you mean lot to me. I won’t let mistakes overcome what you are for me. Besides kids, I love you Xxx. Kids love you to eternity. I love you to eternity. I care a lot for you my dearest. I am so sorry that you never saw my love and care behind my shield.

pls sleep gudiya. Love you and love you a lot. And Xxx - you have not given a fair attempt to this. Cut all you communication and connect for two months other place and then decide if this is worthy for you or not. You have been at other place for very long. Come back here whole hearted and see if this works for you.

And sweets... 4 1/2 months gave me plenty of time to figure out the logistics of how will live without you.

What it did not give on how to live with the void of loving mother and loving wife. We all love you 😍 sweetheart... give this an attempt. Loads of love 🥰🥰

Gname, I don't understand this question. Can you rephrase? Did you have a question about your 2nd post, I am not clear if you are blogging or asking for feedback. If you are asking for feedback, it seems like you are laying it on too thick. Plan A means showing an attractive side and offering to meet her needs if she ends her affair. I like how you extended an olive branch but would cut out the false praise. You don't want to come across as phony. While you need to control your temper, you don't want to go to the opposite extreme and be phony and excessive about it.


She is not going to cut communication and even if she did, that is only kicking the can down the road.

Is she still planning on moving out? She doesn't seem to be serious about divorce at all.

she messaging me to file jointly gives me impression that she is not serious or trying to protect the AP by putting condition to file no fault.

I understand now. There are a couple of ways you can go. You can just respond that "I can't stop you from filing from divorce if that is your decision" and just blow her off and drag things out.

Or you can file divorce - on your own, not jointly - and get custody of the kids as she offers above. She would probably give you everything you want now while she is fogged out. You might not have that chance in the future. You would have distinct advantages with that plan and if she did ever end her affair and commit to the marriage, you could drop that action. One concern I have is that she try to harm you financially while she is fogged out. If you filed for divorce you would be protected and you would have distinct advantages because she is so fogged out.

The way this is going and because of the long term aspect of her affair, you might want to consider the 2nd option.

Thank you Melody. My wife is suggesting to just go for mediation and finalize the terms. She is ready to give 100% of kids to me with visitation rights. Kids are key to me. She will be taking close to 30% of the asset. Do not seem a bad option for me. She is insisting on just going for mediation to finalize this and avoid lawyers fee. Considering AP is a divorced veteran, not sure if there is anything hidden here. She may ask for a no-fault divorce. Seems like she is protecting AP from coming to the court. Any advice which way should I go?

I was sitting and talking to my wife's girlfriends.

All of them were sad and also very angry at my wayward that she did not give any attempt to save this marriage. A few also started crying for the kids. After some time they started analyzing her past 2/3 years of behavior and calling her wicked and malicious. They also faulted themselves for not getting any hint of the affair which seems so obvious now. They all feel betrayed.

I tried to tell them that my wayward behavior is no different than any other cheater who is deeply fogged. They completely disagreed/sympathized with me and advised to be extremely careful with her divorce offer and the next step(s). They all say that AP is a veteran and she is following his directions.

It still pains me to hear she is wicked or malicious. Some went to an extent to question her pre-marriage days too. I don't think she is or was a bad person even though she is almost abandoning the kids. Am I still being emotional fool here?

She did love me at one-time a lot and was fiercely protective. She was always insecure of any girl coming close to me. She is just under some black magic - feels this way.

Be careful talking about personal stuff with other women. That is how affairs start. Like giving a hungry dog a meal. Your emotional needs haven't been met for a while, so you are more vulnerable than you even want to know.

Update: I exchanged a few more text this morning. Saying are you sure to move on, I tried to tell her that we can make this marriage beautiful again and work on all the gaps both the sides. She is putting this on no respect, self pride and love left in this home and society. I attempted again that we can make that happen. She did not budge and said will now send notice to me. I think I will wait for her notice. But will keep my lawyer on alert. Any advice on should I proceed?

Just use your best judgement and make sure you can get a great settlement in place while she is fogged out. You can continue to do your Plan A but will have legal protection in place.