"If you want to rip apart our kid's family, you won't get my cooperation. I cannot stop you, but I won't help you do that. I care too much for my kids."

I wouldn't say over nothing. Our marriage has been tough for her.

This one is right up my alley. Seems harsh, but it shines the light right back on her choice.

The affair is "nothing." She is ending the marriage over the affair.

She needs that splash of reality. In her selfish fog she hasn't really thought about the kids. Affairees are notoriously self centered and have tunnel vision. Your kids WON'T be ok. They will never be the same.

Talked to another gf who acknowledged that my wife was not honest with her about the relationship with the OM. She also said she's supportive of ending the affair and said what I was doing was "bold". But she also said she's my wife's friend and would support what my wife wanted to do, although she didn't think divorce was the solution.

I'm gonna send your suggested text about ripping the family apart.

Here's my text reply:

A divorce is not the best thing for our family and is not a solution. And it isnt supportive of our boys.

If you want to rip apart our children's family, you won't get my cooperation. I cannot stop you, but I won't help you do that. I care too much for our children.

Surprisingly, no reaction from my wife, yet, on the calls and texts I have sent. Maybe she's still unaware?

Yeah! She sounds like a good friend.

Does the OM's wife know you want to expose to the OM's family?

Yes, I tipped that out. Thought I was being thoughtful and considerate. I don't think she is trying to protect him as much as protect their shot at a good marriage counseling session that they have this afternoon.

I will continue trying to find his contact info and will talk to the OMW tomorrow and request it.

So far, she has been persuaded by the approach I am taking with my wife and that encouraged her to request of him the NC with my wife.

We'll see how she responds in the morning.

Good deal. But I would not give up your search because she might not help you. The marriage counseling would not be a reason to delay it so I am concerned about her willingness to help.

My wife's reply to my text:

"Then we can live as roommates untilbthey are old enough to be out of the house. It is unfortunate that you treated our marriage and family they way you did over the last 16 years. i will not reengage in a relationship with you after all the fear anger hurtvand pain you have put me and the boys through. Our marriage is over but I am open to coparenting under one roof as long as you arecsafe safe person to be around."



This roommates thing she has...frustrating. Then we can live as roommates... Uh, no. We can live like husband and wife or we don't live together. I won't dent myself happiness to have a marriage at all costs here.

Man, when I get replies like this it just saps all the energy and thought that I could put into trying to meet her emotional needs. How do I try to meet emotional needs with a wall like this? Ugh...

You know what? There is nothing stopping your wife from getting a divorce. She doesn't need your cooperation to do so.


Ok, I don't want you to be discouraged. You are actually in a better position today than 2 weeks ago, the OM is gone [we hope!] and you have taken away your divorce . I know it is hard for you to see now but you are moving in a positive direction. She is still fogged out, but that won't be the case for long as she withdraws from the affair. AS she withdraws, you have to absolutely be on your BEST BEHAVIOR and draw her back to you. You cannot afford any lovebusters. No angry outbursts. The little opening will be through small talk, so just take it slow and really focus on being as pleasant as possible.

That doesn't mean you allow her to roll over you. It doesn't mean that you back down on your stance on divorce. Stay firm but always be polite, firm and LOVING.

I want you to respond to her text and call her bluff:

"I understand I can't stop you from getting a divorce but I want you to know I am so sorry I made you feel that way. Just know that I love you and our kids and am very committed to being the very best husband and father."

Just know that no one expects you live as roommates. If things don't change in a few months, you have other options. But I think you have a great chance of turning this around if you can avoid lovebusters and look for every opportunity to meet her needs. Focus on conversation!

Follow up text from my wife:

"I need some space from you this evening. I will be meeting Leti and Kathy later. i will prep dinner for 6."

I texted these two women last night.

Here's the funny thing... I know that they have been asking her to go out for happy hour tonight since last week.

Maybe she does need space from me this evening. But, I think that's a convenient excuse to do something that she was planning to do all along.

What bluff am I calling? Forgive me if this should be obvious to me...

The DIVORCE. She is acting like you are stopping her from getting a divorce. You aren't! So you need to send her the clear message that you are not stopping her.

When OM is not an option, divorce means she is on her own. That is not what she had in mind when she pictured 'her' divorce.