DrD, you have to decide what you want, to be married or to be divorced and proceed on that basis. No one would fault you if you decided to get divorced. If that is the route you decide, I would urge you to file, get legal protection and move out. The absolute worst thing you can do is stay there in a state of limbo giving her the cold shoulder. That will eventually just wear you out emotionally. You will grow more and more bitter and angry. That doesn't help anyone. I don't think you have the make up to do Plan A and that is ok. I could never do Plan A myself. There is no shame in that.

I also hope you are informing the OM's wife when you catch your wife in contact with the OM. Everyone should know.

My goodness...from my wife via email:.

"The boys and I have been invite to a NYE gathering. Jack asked if you could go. I replied that you could if you wanted but NYE have been difficult for you in the past. I gave Jack the option to go to the gathering or stay with you. I would prefer not to be together that evening. The boys are welcome to come to the party but I want to be sensitive to your time with them as well. Please let me know what you would like for that evening so we can prepare the boys accordingly.

I have 3 camping trips planned, they are marked on the calendar. These are for just the boys and me. Jan 2-3, Feb 16-18, and March 23-26. Please let me know if you have plans that you would like to book with the boys and the dates can be recorded on the calendar.

I do hope you are giving mediation some thought, it is very apparent that this is a harmful relationship for both of us, yet we need to find a way to be cooperative and kind coparents to the boys, no need in repeating history. We can learn from the damaging relations of our families and move forward in a positive way for the boys."

Why doesn't she just divorce me and leave...

So nice to have your wife tell you she doesn't want you there. Why? So you can meet new men with your kids with you? I'm sick to my stomach.

Whatever you do or don't, make sure you handle finances in a way that it doesn't harm your chances on custody.

And if you go into plan B, how about a plan B letter before you stop communicating?

My brother dragged his feet on child support and my SiL moved with their daughter to be with the OM and his kids right before Thanksgiving. Please don’t make this path of least resistance for your DW. You have gotten good advice, please continue to look for the right AD and if you have no Plan A left in you then move to Plan B. You are not alone please keep coming back we can support you through it. What happened with your suicidal one is hie under a doctor’s care?

When you are emotional or angry, people in general make bad decisions. Calm down and think before you act. Look at emotions as a traffic light. Anger is red, stop.

Another email from this witch:

"I do hope you are giving mediation some thought, it is very apparent that this is a harmful relationship for both of us, yet we need to find a way to be cooperative and kind coparents to the boys, no need in repeating history. We can learn from the damaging relations of our families and move forward in a positive way for the boys."

I just want to write back:
This marriage is not harmful to me. Your continuous affair cheating on our family and your continuous lies are what are hurtful to both me and the kids.

You are not being harmed right now. You are enjoying life while living under my support while complaining about needing make more money. If your concern is around money then use the money you got from selling the ring I gave to you and which you lacked the honor and decency to give back to me before cheating on me and the kids.

She's handling the finances. I'm just transferring the money to our joint account because that's all I am and have been for her - a check.

I never had a Plan A apparently.

What good is a Plan B letter? She's done.

I just need to get some mediation agreement examples, refine it, and then file for divorce.

I'm slowly coming around on divorce. It appears I am too stupid or thick or whatever to just accept it, own it, and move forward.

And I'm getting more bitter and angry each day. All I feel is shame and guilt for letting my family down and creating a situation where my kids will suffer.

I hate where I am at right now. I don't want to divorce her but it seems to get out of the way I am feeling now is to do just that.

Dear DrD,

You wife may be a cheating witch, but mind you, she is a very calculating and strategic witch.
This e-mail is a classical e-mail, set up to make you come across as a bad parent and uncooperative in court.

Please do come here for advice before mailing her the answer she deserves and digging your own grave.

I don't know how to respond. I would like some help, please.

I am confused what you mean by this. You have been in Plan A for some time. Wht does this mean?


I don't think you understand what Plan B means. It means that you cut off all contact with her. Something you can't do while living together..


Why don't you just file for divorce and stop with the "mediation" nonsense? You don't need to do mediation.

Don't respond at all. Just go file for divorce and let your attorney "mediate," THAT IS THEIR JOB. Your wife is trying to set you up to say things she can use against you in court. Don't reply. Just go file for divorce.

Melody... Need mediation, I think, to determine spousal support (prefer she and I work that out rather than a judge), parenting time, custody arrangement.

Re Plan B, right, can't be done while living together. I ain't leaving the house.

What exactly do you mean by "mediation?" Is that where you hire someone to work this out for you?

If you are getting divorced, one of you will have to leave. Otherwise there is no point in getting divorced.

Rather than a contested divorce where a judge determines the outcome, using an attorney to draft a settlement between us.