Have you read the exposure thread and started making a list of exposure targets? It is real important that this is all done in a very short window of time as I explained in the thread. Did you read that part? It's critical that you do a comprehensive exposure in order for this to be effective.

Have you started exposing to the OM's family and friends? What about his wife?

I took a “look” at it before but I didn’t take a real look until yesterday. And honestly, my awesome daughter who I truly believe is over stepping her boundaries, but alas, went out of her way to expose it to everyone and even texted the OM wife and gave her my number. Who ironically texted me tonight. She knew he husband had an affair but not to the extent. It’s weird, I was darn near terrified before, but I almost feel empowered if that makes sense

Yes, exposure is empowering. But you can't just do a little or leave it to your daughter to do this. You need to DO THIS. Are you able to follow through? Have you looked at the OM's facebook page and made a list of exposure targets? Do you have his parents contact information?

Steven, you need to get to work. It will take action steps to resolve this. Make a list of exposure targets and get going!

Well it happened this afternoon. I wrote a very nice group text to her brother, sister in law, every friend I could think of that she would stay with or has contacted about the situation. I even included the OM. Unfortunately she doesn’t have much family to include. I made it clear this was a terrible situation and I would love nothing more than to fix the marriage and asked for help. I made it perfectly clear that anyone who wants to see the kids outside of the OM was more than welcome too. I told everyone they don’t needs to avoid me. It’s all out in the open and I want nothing more than to fix the damage with MW and I was hopeful if she ends the affair and does give this a good honest try. Oh boy oh boy did she get mad. Threatened to turn off all of our phones. (Family plan is in her name). Could believe I would do this. There was no reason to do this. Etc etc. She definitely panicked. On the bright side, my brother in law has been on the phone with my son for going on an hour now. That’s at least something positive.
Still nothing back from her HR rep. But that doesn’t surprise me. I wasn’t expecting much but at the same time maybe they aren’t in the office because of the Virus. I am in a state that has basically shut life down.

We’ll see what happens. My anxiety is sky high, but more because I feel like a conclusion one way or another is closer than ever.

I appreciate everyone’s encouragement. And I really appreciate Melody being aggressive in that i needed to do something like this. I don’t know if I would have if you weren’t direct and blunt. Thank you

Don't stop now!! You need to wrap this up, Steven! Now go and expose to the OM's family. Did you find his facebook? Did you get contact information for his parents? Did you reach his wife?

ARE YOU USING THE TALKING POINTS IN MY EXPOSURE THREAD?

Be thorough, Steven. Don't skip steps. You have to do this right. Keep going!

I spoke to the OM wife last night for an hour. She knew of the affair but didn’t know who it was. She obviously does now. Unbelievably the OM yelled at his wife that he loved my wife and was going to marry her. And sounds like my wife met his parents. Idk. I really can’t think of anyone else to expose this too. MW is lying really about everything. I found out after MW walked out, the very next day the OM left his wife. Though MW still tells everyone they don’t live together. Obviously complete b.s. but it is what it is. I did find out the OM has a habit of yelling at his wife and screaming in her face and literally backing her into a corner. Now that’s something MW will not tolerate. But we’ll see. Its sad,
I actually felt for the OMW. She seems like such a sweet woman. It’s been over 3 weeks. I know not a long time, but when I asked her why she keeps ignoring the kids and won’t talk to them or see them, I got a nasty text back that this is the reason she left me. Because I won’t let her have a normal day without harassing her or accusing her of stuff. It was really out of nowhere. I haven’t talked to her about anything except the kids and how they miss her in over a week. The first 2 weeks I admit I did everything wrong. I think maybe it’s just time to let her be all together. Maybe she’ll see the grass isn’t greener. Maybe she won’t. But my kids are getting torn apart by her all of a sudden refusal to be a mom. I have to put my all my effort into them now. Not that I wasn’t, but I think it maybe best just to go radio silent for a while. And let her live her life. Anytime I talk to her she tries to rub the fact he’s there with her in my face, or she’s really nice when she’s alone and promises she’ll do better as a mom and than she does for that day, but than nothing. As example she texted good morning to all the kids yesterday. Than she send me that nasty text. But than FaceTimed the kids after work and at bedtime. Today, just a text. My oldest daughter did ask if she thought it was going to work out between her and the OM, and MW said she didn’t know but hoped it would and if it did she was going to marry him. Idk, I think maybe I need to let her live her life. Go radio silent, stop talking to her about the kids and just see what happens. But if anyone thinks differently please feel free to help me out.

Steven, have you exposed the affair to the OM's friends and family? Have you spoken to his parents? What about his facebook page? Have you even tried to locate it? Please try and stick to the plan.


What exactly did you tell these people Did you tell them about the affair? Did any of them respond? Did they reach out to your wife and speak to her? Did you use the talking points on the Exposure thread?

What is a "MW??"

It is real important that you READ the Exposure 101 thread and do a thorough, meaningful, strategic exposure. I don't see that happening here. I see you doing a little here and a little there, but not really following the instructions. We can't help you if you won't follow the instructions.

Yes I have. I made a plan and have followed it to the T. Unfortunately all I ever get back is either nothing, or everyone was under the impression my and the OM marriage was over anyway and they both were only staying because of the kids or because of money. Bottom line is, they spent some time letting people know that this was coming and they were making and exit plan. Hense how my daughter knew and was told to prepare for months to leave out of nowhere. There’s no one left to expose it too. All friends and family from all sides know. No one thinks anything other than they as in my wife or the OM marriage had fallen apart and they found each other and are happy. She’s not willing to talk to me about trying again. She’s moved in with him. I think I said it previously but if not, the OM yelled at his wife he loved mine and was gonna marry her. My wife told my daughter she hoped it worked out between her and the OM and if it did she was going to marry him. I understand your frustration and think I’m making stuff up or I’m not doing things the proper way, but when someone says this is harassment and leave me alone, you leave them alone unless you want the police at your door and than what happens to my kid’s? I wanted to save the marriage. I’ve done what I can, except give her space. She knows I’m here if she needs me. I’ve exposed the affair to literally everyone. Hell I even used a template off the exposure thread. And yes I have sent things out through Facebook and I’ve been blocked afterward. I have been told I need to accept this and move on. Which is what I’m going to do. I’ll give her the space she asked for. I’m going to focus on my kids that are being neglected and I’ll touch base with her in a couple of weeks. No ones filed for divorce yet, so I’m going to hope for the best but I need to prepare myself and my kids for the worst. As I’ve said, she’s been incredibly neglectful to the kids. Doesn’t seem to want anything to do with them anymore. And I’m fairly confident at this point there’s a substance abuse issue. Because when she does call at night, and trust me it’s not every night, She seems either drunk or on something. My 8 yr old even noticed something isn’t right with her. I need to get my confidence back and be who I am. Be the guy she fell in love with, and I’ll see what happens. Either way, I am so grateful I’m the rare guy that’s had my kids every single day and I get to tuck them in every single night. It’s been a privilege and an honor to have that with them. And come Monday, I’m officially filling for full custody with the lawyer I’ve been in contact with. I’m sorry. I know it goes against what the site is about, but for now she’s not interested in reconciliation, and we’ll see what happens in the future. Maybe she just needs to see the grass isn’t greener for herself. Maybe she is happier with him and without me and the kids tying her down anymore. I really appreciate your help, and I appreciate you taking the time to respond and give good solid advice. Because without me trying like I have, I’d probably still be a shell of myself wondering if I did everything I could. I can honestly say I have. And I will add this. If I don’t contact her for a day or two she always finds a reason to contact me. So I do
have that going for me. Lol