My fiance of 19 years cheated 10 years ago and im struggling to get over it.
I found out some of it back then, i found a message on his social media account and questioned him... he said that he met up with an ex by accident and things got out of hand and she gave him oral in the car. Not sure why but i let it go even though i was pretty sure something else happened.
He asked me 4 weeks ago to set a date for marriage i said i would if he told me what really happened and he did.
He met her by accident she tried to kiss him and he refused, she started talking dirty to him and saying how they should have had sex years ago and they arranged to meet next day to do the deed.
When he arrived she had left door open and she was already in bed , he got in bed touched her breasts and climbed on top and lost his erection. He left. Next day i found message including one where he tells her he cant do it again.
We have talked alot since i think hes being honest now, hes so upset hes sobbing all the time.
Turns out he thought she was going to give him porn style sex that he had fantasized about for years and what she did was lie on her back for him . He said she wasnt me and that wasnt what he wanted and realised he loved me which is why he lost it.
He has done all the right things since, but i just feel so betrayed.
Background has big impact on this he was abused by his dad and got addicted to porn and pot.
I was raped by my stepdad and been in a very abusive relationship.
We had a very chaotic destructive past before we found eachother and i dont think either of us realised what we had together.
We are now parents and foster carers, pot free, i own my own business and hes successful at work. We also voluneter at a couple of local homeless groups Our life together the last 10 years has been bliss and im heartbroken. Probably cause he felt that guilty all that time, if i asked him to jump he would say how high.
For a time after the event he would lose his erection so i know he felt guilty
Because every male in my life has let me down i think that makes it worse. I want to feel close to him but it hurts and now i dont wanna live anymore
I have told him tonight he needs to leave as soon as possible but my heart wants to marry him... thoughts ? Xx

Welcome to MB.

Why haven’t you married after 19 years?

Thanks for the reply

Really dont know at 1st it was because i wasnt sure he was the one, his pot problem didn't help. After the incident it was becaùse i knew he was hiding something. Im not excusing his behaviour but i can see why his ego may have been rubbed by this woman... i was not letting him in i was so damaged.

Is he still watching porn? Have you read Dr. Harley on the Scourge of Pornography ?

Thankfully not

Do you have children together?

Yes 2 and a foster child

Great! Glad to hear that you found a way to get back to her.