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Originally Posted by NomadRT
He lives in the northeast. She hasn't traveled anywhere. She says they have been chatting. HOWEVER -- she decided she was going to a high school sorta-friend's funeral the week after next. He is going to be there. That's how I figured it out.
You need to put spyware on her devices. Can you do this?

And a VAR in her vehicle, where she most likely is talking to him.


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Messenger. I know you guys are watching out for me legally. I still want to SAVE this. frown

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Originally Posted by NomadRT
Messenger. I know you guys are watching out for me legally. I still want to SAVE this. frown

The objective is to save your marriage. You need to get spyware on her devices so you will know what she is doing. Don’t ask, don’t confront anymore. Just quietly snoop and then come back here and we can give you next steps. Can you do that?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You probably need to start reading through some of Dr. Harley's materials on surviving an affair. To save this you're going to need to uncover more information about what is going on.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I don't think I can get the spyware on her devices. She has her phone in hand constantly. Also, isn't that a betrayal?

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I suspect she's both using messenger to chat with him, and also this app called Marco Polo.

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Originally Posted by NomadRT
I don't think I can get the spyware on her devices. She has her phone in hand constantly. Also, isn't that a betrayal?

No, it’s a betrayal to cheat on your spouse; it’s not a “betrayal” to catch her cheating. This is information about your life to which you have a right to know.

Can you access her Facebook account from another place to see the messages?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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FWW/BW (me)
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Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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We have a family beach trip coming up next weekend. How can I do this? How can I go with her knowing what I know? I don't know what to do! frown

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Originally Posted by NomadRT
We have a family beach trip coming up next weekend. How can I do this? How can I go with her knowing what I know? I don't know what to do! frown

SNOOP! Get the goods and come back here. We will help you with next steps. Please focus all of your energy on getting access to her chats.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You can do this, Nomad. Breathe and take one step at a time. First step: Snoop and get the evidence.


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What to do with an Angry Husband

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I'm trying guys, but she has hidden her other phone. I surprised her with a new one last week and I assumed the old one would be around but it's missing. I've looked everywhere.

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Do I tell our 15 and 17 year old? They know about her wanting to call it quits. They don't know this.

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One step at a time, Nomad. Don't tell them till you have the evidence. Get the evidence, then come back here for next steps.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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It's really important to stay very calm and pleasant while finding solid evidence of her affair. Don't expose without evidence that would convince a jury. You don' t want her to spin the story or make you look insane.


Married 1980
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If you can’t find her old phone can you sign into her Facebook account on a laptop, iPad or your phone? Do you have a laptop that she uses?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I found her phone. I think she deleted history with him. Her sister -- recently divorced -- said awful things...and she talked about me being desperate and smothering her. I made a huge mistake by confronting her about it. However, she said she understood why I looked on her old phone.

She is cold and emotionless tonight. Despite our huge mistake of bringing others in -- she's got an emotional thing with this guy and that kills me. I offered to just tell the kids that I was the one that cheated to spare her from their blame. She refused.

I don't know what to do next. This is my worst nightmare. I'm truly lost without her. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm lost.

What should I do? We are keeping with our family vacation next weekend to the beach. There is nothing I can do about her chatting with him. I've begged her to cut it off until we have counseling but she says she doesn't want to. I wont' expose her to the kids or her mom. I care too much about her for that.


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I am so lost without her. She's my best friend. I don't know what to do.

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So I lay here sleepless next to her. Managing to peek on her old phone I didn’t find much. However, she admits to talking to him daily. I kind of hate myself for snooping.

- she cites years of the family not helping her and not being team players
- she’s so angry I can barely breathe
- she does say she loves me, and I believe her, but she says she’s done and if this house wasn’t in the way she would be gone
- she understandably cites the swinging as having damaged her and that she can’t come back from it . It’s agonizing because it was a stupid ugly awful path we both chose to try. It was the wrong path. I try to tell her it can be healed but she says she doesn’t want it to be healed. I have faith that all can be healed, but she keeps repeating that she doesn’t want it to be healed.


Last edited by NomadRT; 06/13/20 05:09 AM.
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Btw — she threatened that if I told the kids about her chatting with The guy she would tell them everything. So I’m not sure how to expose this emotional affair.

Do I just do things for her to fill her love bank relentlessly even despite what is going on and hope she comes around?

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