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I would ask the judge next time to look at the big picture of all that has happened and all that has been alleged and to give you primary custody with an every other weekend arrangement for her in order to give the kids the most stability and to protect them from both her irrational behavior, the false accusations, and the POSOM and his violent habits.

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TR,

I can't understand how WW clings so tight to OM that can not provide for her financially well.

For the same reason pimps are able to control women, it's more like slavery than a voluntary relationship, idiots like that just don't have the sense to be ashamed of what they do.

God Bless
Gamma

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Hey guys! It's about time for a new update. Anyways, PSUBIKER has a new girlfriend who is absolutely wonderful. We have a ton in common and just plain old have fun together.

As for the job search, I am going back to work on July 2nd. It is a consulting gig with a company doing validation work with a major pharmaceutical company in PA. The bad news is it is north of philly, about two hours from where I live. However, it pays about 25% more than what I got at my old job and has full benefits. So, a decision is going to have to be made about what to do with the kids.

I'm planning on moving - I can't do that commute. Where I would move would be where all of exWW's extended family lives since it is about 30 minutes from my new job. Plus, it is in one of the top 5 school districts in the state, so good schools for the kids.

ExWW had hinted a few weeks ago that she wants to move back to where her family is. I'll believe it when I see it. Either way, the kids will have to go to a new school next school year since neither one of us will be living in the state where the kids currently go to school at. It's a really tough situation but bottom line is someone has to work to support the kids and my new job is in the children's best interest.

As for my bike riding, I've lost 60 pounds since the beginning of the year, and am under 200 pounds for the first time since 2001. I've done a few bike races, won one. I also entered a triathlon on a lark last weekend and did really well - 5th in my agegroup, was in 4th place overall after the bike leg. So, I have some good fitness but just need to learn how to suffer while running.

Because of my result, my fitness, and my new job, I needed to have a goal to keep me focused on my fitness and not slip into old habits. So, I entered the Savageman Triathlon in mid September. It is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike leg, and a 13 mile run. The bike course is widely regarded as the hardest triathlon bike course in the world - it is steep, relentless hills with one hill maxing out at a 31% grade. If you make it over the 31% hill without falling over, you get a personalized brick laid into the pavement of the 31% hill. Pretty cool!I want a brick!

Overall, things are going to get busy in the next couple of months but I am looking forward to it


Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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Thanks for the update and glad you're doing so well. hurray

Hope you can stay a bit? We sure could use all the help in the trauma ward, especially BHs and CS issues.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thank for the update. Will the company reimburse you going to Law School or is that something for later? Earle Mack at Drexel University appears to be a little on the north side of Philly.

Pray the children keep adjusting. Poor kids.

Godspeed,

Mr. Wondering



FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Hi PSU,

Thanks for the update. I'm an old registered rider who has gone to seed.

I am glad about the new lady. Will she move with you? Very glad that you have stayed with bicycles rather than killing the poor ponies with a 260 lb carrying load. Great to hear that you have a target set up. Hope that you enter the Hollywood walk/hill of fame with your brick in the pavement.

Guess I am waiting to hear that your ex wakes up from the Marlbora fantasy. No news?


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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I'd love to know how you found out about the job. I'm looking for a new career and that sounds like something that would be right up my alley.


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

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Originally Posted by imagine
Hi PSU,

Thanks for the update. I'm an old registered rider who has gone to seed.

I am glad about the new lady. Will she move with you? Very glad that you have stayed with bicycles rather than killing the poor ponies with a 260 lb carrying load. Great to hear that you have a target set up. Hope that you enter the Hollywood walk/hill of fame with your brick in the pavement.

Guess I am waiting to hear that your ex wakes up from the Marlbora fantasy. No news?

I used to race too but the seeds were replanted this year. It is never too late to get back into fighting shape.


Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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Hi hug

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Grats PSU. Good news indeed


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. ...Sounds about right to me.
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What are you thinking about doing with the kids? You only have 2 options: 1. Petition to move with them and have you be the primary caretaker or 2. Leave them to the WXW.

My vote is for the first, but you have a mountain to climb to make the case.

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Originally Posted by helpthelostdads
What are you thinking about doing with the kids? You only have 2 options: 1. Petition to move with them and have you be the primary caretaker or 2. Leave them to the WXW.

My vote is for the first, but you have a mountain to climb to make the case.

I think PSU is counting on WXW wanting to move to that area too as that is where her extended family is. (sadly...most likely OM's family also)

Hello briar patch

Mr. W


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Originally Posted by helpthelostdads
What are you thinking about doing with the kids? You only have 2 options: 1. Petition to move with them and have you be the primary caretaker or 2. Leave them to the WXW.

My vote is for the first, but you have a mountain to climb to make the case.

I went with option C. Turns out, my drive is "only" 75-90 minutes from my house to the new job. I ended up hiring a nanny to help me out with the kids. It's not ideal. But, it is working out better than I expected.

Here's an update:

I started a new job on July 2nd. It's a consulting gig with a pharmaceutical company that's gotten in some trouble with the FDA. The job is great - the only problem is it's 90 minutes from where I live. Between that, the commute, kids, training, and girlfriend, I just don't have much bandwith to hang out here.

The week after I started the new job, I came down with shingles. Let's just say, shingles SUCKS! Good thing my girlfriend is a Nurse Practitioner in gynecology at a large university. She diagnosed it as soon as the first blisters showed up, wrote me a script for the anti-shingles drug and some lidocaine gel, and was able to manage it so the I was only in bad shape for about 5 days. I still gritted my way through my second week of work without calling in.

Either way, at it's peak, I felt like someone was removing my kidneys with a butterknife. I was lucky that it hit me in my abdomen / kidney area. It could have hit up high (head/face) or nether regions. I had two wisdom teeth removed in May, the doc gave me some Percocet after the extractions. I was able to get by with just Tylanol. For the shingles, I was glad I didn't use the Percocet for my teeth a couple of months prior!

In August, I was surprised with a custody filing by exWW. In it, she said she enrolled the kids in school out of state without my knowledge, or my consent and against the injunction she put in place when she made the filing prohibiting her from moving the kids out of state.

After some quick thinking, I got a copy of the injunction, a copy of the custody order, sent them to the principal and superintendent of the school she enrolled them in, and was able to get the kids back to their regular school by me after the first week of school. Needless to say, our judge was not very happy with her.

We had the custody hearing on Halloween, still haven't heard the judge's decision. I think it went well for me - I can't see how the judge can rule in her favor since he already set the precedent three years ago that the kid's current school is what is in there best interest and there hasn't really been any change in circumstances on my part since then.

In September, I did the Savageman Triathlon. It is the hardest half iron distance triathlon in the world. It is known for the "Westernport Wall" - a 1.5 mile climb with an average 17% grade, including one 200 yard section that is at 31%. If you make it over the 31% section with out falling over or putting your foot down AND you finish the race, the race organizers engrave a brick in your name and embed it in the pavement on the Westernport Wall.

Here's a You Tube video of the steep section of the wall (I'm at the :40 - :50 second mark on the yellow bike, black helmet, black jersey)



I did really well considering I had never run a half marathon in my life. I was in third place overall in my age group after the bike. Unfortunately, my run is a huge work in progress and I ended up walking the last six miles of the run. Nevertheless, I finished and got my brick! For next year, I've been working hard on my running - helps that my girlfriend is a track coach and I expect to finish top 5 in my age group!

All in all, it's been a great year for me. I lost 70 pounds between January 1 through Sept 15 (put 15 back on but it's the offseason), was able to achieve the same level of cycling fitness that I had when I was on the cycling team in college, realized that I was a dope for not doing triathlons when I was in my early 20's, have a kick [censored] job where I am leading a project that is cutting edge in pharmaceutical logistics, and have an awesome girlfriend.

I finally feel that the hellfires of 2008-2011 are fading in my rearview mirror and I am looking forward to a very bright future!


Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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Thanks for checking in and the update PSUBIKER.

I'm glad things are going well (minus the shingles, those suck big time) and the commute.

Here's for the judge to come to a favorable decision for you. pray


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Oh wow. Even after all this legal wrangling she still thinks she can get away with this kind of crap with the judge?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Have you tried the Jeff Galloway walk run method?
I've ran several half marathons and I like it.
I've also placed in my age group and overall

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Long time no see! Looks like it’s been about 12 years since I last posted. Finally, 12 years out, the drama has stopped. WWxW stayed with the POSOM until he croaked a crappy, protracted painful death in winter of 2021. I was remarried to the woman I started dating during my last post in 2012. We are still going strong. A lot has happened, and everything WWxW had continued to do from 2012 to 2021 was always in the best interest of POSOM. Not her, not the kids. Here’s a quick run down of the drama. That’s what happens when a massive alcoholic is running things in your house.

- spring 2013, judge held WWxW in massive contempt of court for enrolling the kids out of state in school. He “punished” her with placement. So, no more 50/50 shared. The judgment was like a bad ending to movie out of left field. Crazy. Basically, since I work, WWxW did not, the kids are with her.
- Summer 2014, WWxW is arrested for hitting POSOM, WWxW files a PFA stating POSOM is raging, violent alcoholic. Of course, it goes to court, and the two of them blame the cop for exaggerating and both their cases are dismissed. This is incident # 2 that I know of where one of them is arrested for a DV incident and the cop lied.
- Winter 2017, adolescent DS15 at the time is lashing out at POSOM. Of course, WWxW and POSOM decide to put DS in a mental hospital for his safety, also, they happen to tell intake that I have a history of molesting the kids. (This is now PA, I’ve stayed in DE). They fail to mention that all their claims have been fully investigated by DE, and our judge already told DE CPS that any claims by WWxW have to hit his desk before CPS can investigate because of WWxW’s history..
- What this does is prevent me from seeing DS or talking to staff. They know I’ll show them the multiple DV reports filed by WWxW.
- a couple of weeks after he is released, I get a call from POSOM to come pick up DS. WWxW is out of town for some reason. He’s acting out. I live 90 minutes away, it’s the middle of a snow storm. I ask POSOM why he didn’t activate the crisis plan. He doesn’t answer
- We pick up DS, he’s missing a chunk of hair, he’s trembling. We make a police report, call PA CPS. POSOM convinces WWxW that it was all DS’s fault, they in turn convince the police and CPS not to file charges.
- We just got a new judge, our original judge passed away. This new judge is known as add another zero. She always punts litigation, never makes a decision, never upset status quo, and she dismisses our custody petition despite the evidence of DV. She believes WWxW that it’s always someone else’s fault.
- April 2018, a friend of DS asks how he’s doing after the fight, I ask her what fight? She says he and POSOM were in a fight and POSOM was arrested
- I sleuth, POSOM was arrested, he beat the [censored] out of WWxW, DS took a hammer to POSOM’s windshield and windows to distract POSOM from his mom, POSOM arrested, no contact order is in place, POSOM’s daughter who is a state trooper pays for a new apartment for him.
-June 2018 POSOM pleads guilty to lesser charges, WWxW and I are getting along fine, I’m thinking everything is OVER
-Labor day 2018, DS is acting out, I ask him what’s up, he says WWxW moved POSOM back in
- I file an emergency custody petition, we now have ANOTHER judge who is a hardliner
- Oct 1, 2018, I present my case, outline the history of DV. WWxW says POSOM is the loooovvvvveeeee of her life. NEVER addresses the DV in her house and says I’m a jelous BH. The judge is FURIOUS as WWxW.

The ruling:

- sole legal and physical custody to PSUBIKER
- WWxW has SUPERVISED visitation with the kids, no overnights

- I enroll kids in good private schools. DD thrives, DS struggles, he acts a lot like POSOM
- Fall 2019, DS is kicked out of private school for being a [censored]. Real reason is WWxW is blaming the school for his behavior, and says they need to change their ways. We’re not huge donors. We don’t have the big di#$ to swing around at the school
- I enroll DS in local school, not a very good school but only option. WWxW starts filing crap again. Blows up my email and voicemail with screaming rants, etc.
- I file a PFA, she loses, no contact with PSUBIKER for 2 years! Yipee!
- fall of 2020, POSOM has a massive aneurysm, and is in the hospital. He can’t talk, smoke, drink, and only eats through a tube. Lol!
- Since its COVID, the hospital tells WWxW that she can’t visit anymore due to COVID, or, she can just stay at the hospital, so, she stays in the hospital with POSOM. For 5 months. Never leaving. Has to quit her job. She nearly runs out of money and has her sister bring her food! She nearly loses her house. Doesn’t see the kids form5 months.
- DS is now 18, a senior, struggling in school, so, WWxW has him go to her house and take care of the horses for her. He’s 18, has his own car, is emancipated by state law. I can’t stop him. He somehow graduates high school.
- POSOM kicks the bucket in Feb 2021. The LOOOOVVVVE of WWxW’s life. ,
- DS finds a job in summer 2021 as an electrical lineman and takes off like an eagle. He gets involved in an unsuccessful union drive for his yard, the union notices him as smart, ambitious, and hard working, and ask him to join. He cleared 6 figures for 2023. He’s been to Florida for storm repairs, etc. He has his own apartment and is thriving. He’s still sarcastic, but he’s grown up a lot
- By this time, the kids are both free range, DD is 16, driving, and set her own schedule with WWxW. The PFA expired, and WWxW is a completely different person
- we are at a pre homecoming get together in fall of 2021 and WWxW introduces me to her new BF. She knew him from college, professional. According my Dear Wife, WWxW is dating me again! Lol What happened with wanting to be with a horse person? He’s a good guy, a little nerdy, but, WWxW is happy for the first time since she met POSOM.
- WWxW let’s me handle the college process for DD
- March 2023, DD receives an appointment to the Naval Academy! If POSOM was in the picture, no way DD would have gotten an appointment. Losers beget losing. WWxW is enthusiastically on board, her BF now fiancé was enlisted for Gulf War 1 and paid for college on the GI Bill.
- May of 2023, WWxW goes up to my wife and thanks her for being a good mother to DD when she wasn’t.
- Summer 2023, DD calls WWxW and I and wants to quit Naval Academy during Plebe Summer. We’re both on the exact same page and tell her she’ll be working at either WalMart or Amazon for six months while all her besties are posting their best college life on Instagram. DD decides to stay.
-October 2023, WWxW and mine Best Man comes to the Navy-AF game, Best Man had not talked to WWxW since before she met POSOM. He tells her you look and act exactly like the last time I saw you. She tells him she was mentally not well for a long time. It’s clear WWxW has worked on herself once POSOM died.

Naval Academy is its own drama and WWxW have been a United front for helping her navigate it. We get along great. I look back at what a total waste WWxW and her relationship with POSOM was. It came within a whisker of destroying me, mentally destroyed WWxW, DS was in a very rough period, and DD struggled too.


Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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WOW!!
I didn't know if we would ever hear from you again.

Was afraid your WWxW would never recover. Figured you would be OK somday, happy to hear your update.

Do you think about this much these days or is it mostly in the past now?
Would you do anything different if you knew then what you know now?

I had a great deal of respect for you when you were in the middle of it, even more now after reading your last post. You used to stress (when you posted to others in similar circumstances) recording every interaction with the WS for protection. I often wished more had followed your advice.

So glad you are in a better place. Thanks for the update.
SS

Last edited by still seeking; 05/19/24 03:07 PM.

I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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