Connor thanks for your response. I posted the following earlier today. I need to amend it some. I asked her if she had any desire to reconcile she said no. Then she came up with the God box thing. I remember reading in Surviving An Affair, that as long as the affair is going on there is no hope for reconciliation. How true is this? <P>Today is very sad, my lover and best friend are separating. I know she cares a great deal for me, and I love her for that. Plan-B is going to be very difficult for me. I don't want to let go!! I know I have to. <BR>I told her I was going to make a God box yesterday. Today she sugested to place our wedding rings in. Whe found a water pitcher and placed our rings in it. We prayed that God would take the simble of our marriage and our love and work his miacle so when we pored out our rings He will have blessed them and the pitcher would be overflowing with His love and our love for one another.<BR>Everyone I have talked to said that whenever they place things in thier God box He always works a miracle. I have faith!!<P>My wife has agreed to continue councling with me, and attending church. I can only wait until she begins to live in God's will.I hope I don't offend anyone with my christian faith. It has whats given me the strength and courage to face each day.<P>I lokk forward to Dr. Harley's predictions to come true. My W also has faith like I do so I know she will eventually come around.<P>During my minimal contact with her, do I continue to Plan-A her? ie. church service.<P>I invited hoer to come here to this forum, I know you all will welcome her. She told me she was going to finish the book surviving an affair. I hope she does. <P>It's going to be hard not talking to her and seing her beautiful face. I think I love her more now than I ever did. Please give me some feed back especialy those who are betrayers.<P>Thanks, <P>------------------<P>PS Also this afternoon I was in some searing pain, crying like ababy and she was the one who held me and comforted me. I thanked her again tonight. In the pasr I never allowed myself to feel my feelings now I am and as painful as it is I am greatful to feel them. What a relief.<BR> Thank you all<BR><P>------------------<BR>BB

William, I can say this...I sought God when I experienced my affair, and I realized that I took him for granted, He shouldn't only be sought when I have problems, but also when things are going good. So, of course I feel your faith is good to your marriage!<P>But I wonder why you have to go to Plan B? It sounds as if your wife is receptive to you now? She's agreeing to attending church and counseling, so maybe Plan A? Maybe I've missed some other postings?<P>I can say this -- it sounds as if your wife is very receptive to the marriage, and you do have a good basis to go on here. I'll be happy to help both of you through this if I can, just let me know <p>[This message has been edited by Connor (edited November 13, 1999).]

Hi BB<P>just wanted to respond to you - I don't quite know what to say to you. I felt your pain, am there with you in feeling that and understand about the rings. I took mine off soon after we separated as I couldn't stand the pain of looking at my wedding band and all it symbolised. He then did too.<BR>What is a God Box. I think I might like to have one. I have been reading some religious material lately, nothing too heavy or deep, but it has helped. I have always believed, and quite strongly, but not to the extent of going to church every week. I just want him back, and to be able to work on our marriage to get it to be what it was, and could be again. We were so damn happy. What went wrong, apart from not enough time for each other due to his work commitments and me taking care of the children. I can't believe it has come to this.<BR>Love and hugs heading your way<BR>Jo

I just re-read your post, and you questioned about the affair in progress, and how it relates to present marriage conditions.<P>There is no way, IMO, that anyone can have contact with the OP and successfully help the marriage. How could this happen, realistically? NO contact with OP, I would say completely severing all contact, and then agreement to work on the marriage. AN OP in the picture is not something that can work.

Thanks Connor,<BR> First question what is IMO? I new her and havent gotten all the acronyms yet. I can't tell how receptive she is yet. The reason for plan-B is she insists on physically separating so she can end it and doesn't want my support during her WD. However she will continue couciling with me, and church service, and praying with me. We are both recovering drug addicts so I understand the obsessive, compulsive behavior. I hope I can get her to talk to you. Please keep the dialog with me I don't like being alone. I love her so much and miss her affection despratly.<P> Jo, <BR> A God box is something we put our problems in as a simbolc gestur of surrendering it to God's care. In our case we used a nice water pitcher and put it on a shelf we couln't reach. Tonight when I pray I going to imagine wrapping her in a blaket and physicly giving her to God to work his mracle.<BR> Thanks Love ya'll<P>------------------<BR>BB