To those of you following my story - it's changed yet again. I was so certain that Plan B was right for me at this time, and then I got the post from Consider this. I changed my mind and thought that another week of Plan A would be beneficial - you know- deposit a few million more love units into the scoundrels love bank !!<BR>Well, NO MORE.<P>I've just received information in the post from the school we want to enrol our d in, H phd to speak to d, and before d came on the ph I told him I had received the information from the school, and could we discuss it. H response was "if you're quick" What sort of response is that when we're not even discussing us or our situation, but our d.<BR>I majorly love busted and told him to F @#@# off,(can't believe I said that to him). I did go into the bathroom where d is having a bath and told her daddy was on the ph and she said she didn't want to speak to him (she's only 4 and had a busy day at kinder).<BR>Usually I try and make her at least say hello to him, today, oh today I excelled.<BR>I told him she didn't want to speak to him, and that I'd get her to call Him when she felt like speaking to him. What a way to go.<BR>Have I just undone all the deposits I have given.?<BR>I'm just so tired of having to deal with comments like that - is he not thinking of us at all.<BR>I'm so upset (again) that I'm shaking. Today has been so sh...y for me.<P>Please help me before I lose my mind, and go out of it.<P>Jo

Just a follow on from the above - H was out to dinner with his parents, and apparantely is majorly hung over from last night. Didn't go to work today because of hang over - he has NEVER done that in the 12 years I have known him, no matter how bad the hang over was. (He doesn't have a drinking problem - or at least, he didn't !!)<BR>Did I over react, as usual? I am just not used to him being so inconsiderate - it is not him at all. I can't cope with it all.<P>He has seemingly changed his personality for/due to OW, I've read a few posts about the Jekyll and Hyde personalities, I think I'm beginning to understand what you all mean.<P>Please excuse the over-abundance of quite bad language from me, that's not me at all under normal circumstances. I am trying to be so strong, but he really got the better of me tonight. Maybe Plan B is the best way to go - there will be no use for any plans if we keep going this way. <P>Has anyone else done the same sort of thing, at a time when communication seemed to be getting better.? Did you manage to get the equilibrium back ? Is it just a matter of me counting to 10 before I blow up ? I'm really having trouble dealing with his lack of feeling, concern, and consideration. Is this his defence mechanism for dealing with his guilt - to push me away even further.<P>God, will you please help me.<P>Thanks, and I'm still sending hugs to you all<P>Jo<P>

It's ok. You lovebusted. It happens. You can only take so much of this ride sometimes before you finally blow and yelling in the shower isn't always enough!! <P>Taking a deep breath and counting to ten (or 20 or 100) sometimes does help, but not always, so stop beating yourself up.<P>They can be Mr. Hyde. Unbelievable. Nothing like the person you've always known. It's awfully hard to deal with sometimes.<P>So,now, just decide. What you want. How much you can handle. How you want to proceed. Just like this never happened. And go for it. Plain and simple.<P>You hang in there. You're doing ok. We all have to release it sometimes.<P>Lori

G'day Bonnet-<P>After my H left, he became a complete monster. Angry, sulky, irrational, you name it. One day last week he and his mother ganged up on me (or so it felt like it) and I blew. Major love busters flying across the room! Anyway, since then he's been considerate, kind, sort of like the man I knew before the affair. He still doesn't want to come home, but at least we can talk now. <P>Funny thing is, now I'm the one being curt, cutting all our conversations short. Sort of like a plan B. And it's so unintentional too, but I can't help myself. I don't want to be 'friends', so I guess the message I'm sending him is just that.<P>Regards, (AKA Raenbow)<P>------------------<BR><B> <I> Black Heart </B> </I>

Hi Lori,<BR>thanks again. Oh my poor shower !!! It has copped so much abuse IT could have me up on charges !!!<P>I feel quite at peace with myself this morning, I had a good nights sleep and I'm ready to deal with this situation. I have been all over the place, both here and emotionally lately, it has to stop.<P>I'm going to go to Plan B. I don't want what happened last night (F... Off) to happen again. I still cant believe I said that to the man I still love so very much.<P>anyway, I'm seeing things a lot clearer today, and feeling better.<P>Black Heart - thanks I'll take your comments on board. The children have just come in and are both fighting to sit on my lap as I type this - I'm sure you underst and. What you said has just gone out of my mind, but I know I appreciated it. Thanks<P>Jo<BR>

Jo,<P>There are case where an immediate Plan B is the only... If you can't control you anger at him... or interaction... go to Plan B...<P>"Consider this"'s post the other day gave us a shot of "reality checking"... but for most of us... who are here to build... I feel was inappropriate... imho!<P><B>But</B>... remember the main charactristic of Plan B is <B>NO CONTACT</B>!<P>I wish you luck....<P>My prayers are with you... and you d...<P>Jim

Hi NSR<P>Thanks for your support. I've just got back from posting the last loving letter i I got a lovely draft, from brownphd I think it was. I feel quite at ease with myself now about the decision. I actually spoke with H this a.m. to let him know what I was doing, and why. I was so shocked at what I said last night, and I think he was too. He said "I suppose it had to come to this" but I heard the sadness in his voice as he said it. I told him that I didn't want to lose the goodwill and good feeling we had towards each other, and that I felt continued comminication would do just that. I also told him on the ph that I loved him, and that I did want us to work it out. I guess I was hoping that the last time he heard my voice, it would be saying loving things to him, and not angry hurtful things. I also reinforced that he would have continuing contact with the children (2 girls 4 and 18Mths) and that that wasn't changing just because I was taking myself out of the equation.<P>Thanks for your support, your feedback and your prayers. I need it all.<BR> There are also good thoughts and wishes headed your way, I don't really know your situation, but you are here, and that basically says it all !!<BR>Jo

Jo,<P>Now comes the <B>hard</B> part...<BR>No contact is so difficult for almost everyone whose tried it...<P>You <B>will</B> fall off the no contact wagon... don't let that get you down... don't consider it a failure. Come here and post... vent... cry... or whatever... Then stand up again and carry on!<P>Just, get back on board, and continue... strong... determined... with resolve!<P>Prayers as always coming your way... <P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Hi Jim<P>thanks again.<BR>It's only been a few hours since I spoke with him, but I feel ok.<BR>normally, I get to the stage where I want to call him for any little reason (I usually manage to hold off doing so!!) but today I seem to have found new resolve.<BR>Maybe 'consider this' did me a favour. They completley threw a spanner in my works - I didn't know what to do, feel , where to go yesterday. I really felt yesterday that I was losing my mind. Never experienced that before. Maybe that was the 'bottom', the depths of despair for me, and now the only way to go is up. If that is what happened to me yesterday, 'consider this' did me one HUGE favour.<BR>Tempest (the moderator) is also a bit concerned about that post, and has told Steve Harley. Maybe we will get to find out who this person is.<P>Love and best wishes heading your way<P>Jo

Bonnet,<P>Wasn't blowing you off. Didn't read request to read new topic until a while ago. then had to fight this website to find it. The old thread was only retreavable through your profile and all your posts. I was annoyed as earlier thread so hard to recover. Still lost on techical issues. Can't respond fully as must sleep soon. Your call today told him that you didn't want to lose goodwill and you showed care in assuring him that he is not cut off from your children. You told him you want to work it out. Your temper may have been a good dose of medicine as he was sad as he said it must come to that. Inside he knows that his behavior created the rift. <P>Hang on. Will rspond more when I have slept. today I was ready to forego Plan A and B and head straight for divorce. Our emotions and their ****ty, uncaring behavior will drive us insane. My H is also doing bizarre things that including stuff that could jeophardize his job. It's as if once they broke one rule the others can be ignored ormaybe the confusion he feels may make him not care about stuff that mattered before. My email is opel@cy-net.net. <P>Goodnight.<P>Melissa<BR>