Obviously, my husband is a pilot (hence the nickname). I had a thought today and attempted to act on it, but now wonder if it is such a good idea to try again.<BR>Through the years, my husband has mentioned affairs that other members of the crew he may be flying with are involved in. Just recently, he mentioned that the engineer he is currently flying with was also discovered in an affair by his wife. I asked him if I could call her to talk to her about the recovery of her marriage and maybe get some tips on how to rebuild the trust. His response was that that just would not be appropriate, even to ask the engineers permission first. He really gave no good explanation. I got to thinking. Because pilots often live away from the airline base, few wives of pilots know each other. In other occupations, wives are at least familiar with not only the people their husbands work with, but also the families of the people their husbands work with. In large airlines pilots rarely work with the people three months in a row, and may never even see them again. However, as evidenced by the loose tongue of my husband, many other wives must be aware of infidelities of collegues that their husband work with. My thought was to contact the wives of the crew members my husband works with and introduce my self with the intention of forming some additional way to keep tabs on the wayward members of the industries, for myself as well as others. This, however would have to be a big secret because pilots would not tell their tales to each other or be seen with their other lovers if they knew that their wives were in touch with each other. The fact that this idea crosses the line of "honesty" concerns me now, but it seems like such a good idea.<BR>I did try to call the wive of the engineer but she was not home. I am thinking now that I should not call her back because my husband did not want me to in the first place. Is he trying to hide something new from me? My H mentioned to me that the engineer currently has a friend who is a female that he goes places with when in Germany, but it is just platonic.hmmmm. Would that be something I would or should mention to the wife if I were in communication with her. It just seems too easy for pilots to screw around with their wives none the wiser and it really pisses me off. Any thoughts on this idea would be appreciated.

So oo..<BR>No one has any advise?

First of all, I wouldn't get involved with seeking out the engineer's wife and telling her that her H has a plutonic friend in Germany. It seems inappropriate. You don't know her and you don't know him.<P>I would stand by your H's position about not contacting the friend to get advice about rebuilding trust. You can certainly get a ton of ideas from everyone here. <P>SHA

hmmm...this is a toughie...<BR>I would think your only option would be to do it "above board", start an innocent email list or webpage of pilot's wives, for "general support purposes." Any news anyone garnered from there re affairs would only come after some trust had been established with other wives and the gossip began.<BR>you can't just start a whistle blowing operation, yunno?

My sister's husband is a pilot...stay out of it! Her husband started cheating on her 9 years ago...it hasn't stopped. The only thing that has slowd him down is his weight...when he gets thin... then he is active...when he gets fatter he is nasty to be around... as far as the other guys they all compare...it is cockpit talk...you really don't want to know...

dear pilot's wife,<P>I do not mean to be rude, and I don't mean to upset you, but maybe you should find another way to spend your spare time other than trying to fill another wife in or her husband's infidelity. If she has already discovered this for herself, she most likely will NOT want to discuss it with you, or anyone else. It will only add to her horror and discomfort to find that someone knows the secret that even she doesn't want to know. <BR>Infidelity in a marriage is a very painful, embarassing humiliating thing that is not easy to discuss with your self, let alone, a stranger.<P>I know that you mean well and are just seeking out another type of support for yourself. But maybe your time would be better spent trying to find a way to rebuild and strenghthen your own marriage. <P>Take Care -