In my last posting, I said things were looking positive and they still are. We are making serious strides. I know I can see the good coming out of this and I am sensing that we are going to be one of the success stories. I know she loves me and feels terrible for what she did. She reassures me of that all the time. We have faced the problems that existed before and are trying to prevent them from arising again. We have confronted the problems. In that regard, I feel good. <P>My major problem is my inablility to not think of the actual images of them together. They seem to flood in my mind without my control. I keep telling myself not to think about it, but I cannot stop it. I have accepted the fact that this has happened and that we did have some problems before, so why is it still so hard? I may be rushing the gun a little thinking that it should be claring my head this soon. I do not want to think about it because I know that we have come so far in this short amount of time. Please advise as to how I can overcome these thoughts or are they simply out of my control?

You have been hurt and the images that just appear in your mind will do so for some time. You really can't stop them from coming but you can control what you do with them. Talk to your wife about what you are stuggling with and ask for her help. You need to develope an action plan of what to do when these images surface. Maybe the plan will be to call youe wife. Maybe it will be to pull out a picture of you and her together. Maybe it will be to recite a verse from the Bible. But you need a plan!! Over time as trust and your relationship build they will fade though probably never go away all together. Get her to help!!

Good advice mudder - I will definitely use it to help me with my "images".

Mudder, thank you for the advice. I know it will take time for the images to fade. I hope, with your plan, I will be able to overcome this sooner than later. I know she loves me and I do talk to her openly about how I am feeling. I hate to bring it up all the time because I know it hurts her to know that I am hurting so much. I know no one said that this will be easy but I wish I had more control of my emotions. I wish I could disperse the anxiety I feel every other moment. I guess that will take time.<P>Thanks again!

I feel a little unqualified to give anyone advice lately, because I have been really screwed up myself, but it is easier to see what needs to be done than to make myself do it. Others out there may be ablie to achieve these goals easier than me so here it goes.<P>I'm 18 months into this, and believe it or not the images still come but they don't affect me the way they used to. This is an area where I have actually made some hopefully permanent progress.<P>My was very open to me about their actual affair. He told me some details of what they did, but more importantly he explained to me what they didn't do. (Snuggling, pillowtalk, tender loving, that sort of thing, plus some actual "Details")<P>We discussed the problem and set out to make new images for me of us together to replace the ones I had of them together. <P>He was very good about telling me how much he enjoyed this and really filled me with compliments and praise. It really helped my self esteem which then helped me relax and become even more aggressive which of course helped his enjoyment (I will stop now because I'm beginning to get warm and start to blush ).<P>The point is, when the images creep up on me, I just turn her into me and instead of getting upset another reaction happens (I won't get into that either, but it does involve wishing we were home together). That kind of reaction can only be good for a marriage and can only add Love Points for both of you.<P>If I can manage this any MAN can. , because being able to control my thoughts and emotions is very hard for me.

I am also struggling with those same images.<BR>It has only been a short time I know and will take much longer but I do need my H to help me. Because every time he trys to touch me I see him with OW and I tremble with disgust. I don't hate H but I hate what he did and images I have running through my brain as well. I think I need to understand from H how it made him feel to be with OW. Because I feel inhibited now by my desire to be sexually attractive with H and I never did before. I guess until I get more feedback and answers from H I cannot get past this. I don't sleep too well, when I try (POP) there they are. Talking and Time thats all I know right now that will help.

I like Mudders advice. It's what I've been doing. I also have to remember neither W or I were virgins when we married. I know exactly what makes her motor run. I really doubt this OB has any clue on how to actualy physicaly please her. And besides it's only "emotional," whatever. So thats how I combat those images. This is really the s#@$$y part of this whole thing. Mental images. I don't want to konw all the gorey details keeps images to a minimum.<P><BR>