This yhe letter I wrote for her yesterday. She has read it and gave her response.<BR>Here it goes. AS I wrote it.<P>Dear Mrs.Brownphd(angel)( I call her this in my e-mails)<BR>I'm writting this to you;not to get you back, but to let you know exactly how I feel. The past two months have been the most happy, and the most sad times of my life. For the first time in a long time, and with two kids now we seemed like a familyagain. This made me very happy. Even though we aren't together.<P>The conversatoins we had, And os watching our sons first year (a video of our son)were great.Believe it or not, I really did enjoy the trips to Wal-Mart( used to not go). We did those things like a family would. The dinners, All the things I wish I had done before.<P>Mrs.Brownphd I have changed my life aroun 180 from the old me. I want to come home from work to see my wife and kids.<P>I also know you are going through some rough times right now. You may be feeling like your life is crumbling down around you. Meaning your trip to the doctor, and your financial problams, and me pressuring you.<P>I do love you, and care for you very very much. If youwould have decided to have the baby it wouldn't change the way I feel. I would have loved yall, and been there for yall all the way. Mentally and physically.<P>I do sorta feel your pain. Cause I do know whats its like to love a baby. If one of my own was to die I would die too.<P>I know I have put a lot of pressure on you, and I am sorry for that. All I did was push you away not bring you close.<P>I have never been so sure about anything in my life, but I am sure I love you. And want to be apart of your life.<P>If you want me out: I will go, but I will not stop feelimg this way about you. If there is one tiny chance you would let me show you how sincere i am about wanting to be a husband, and friend to you. Let me know, And I will give you all the space, no pressure you need, and you can tell me when you are ready to try.<P>No matter what though, I will be just a Phone call away if you need me, for anything at all.<BR> I LOVE YOU ANGEL, brownphd<P>She replyed with sad look an her face" what do you want me to say?" I said what you feel. she repeated her self, and then said " I have made up my mind" I said ok. She said she needed to go inside(we were at in laws). My son came out to give me a hug and then she went in.<P>I know its long <P><P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Back to top for sheba and ES<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

I must have missed a post - what did she mean that she had made up her mind? What did she decide?<P>Roll Me Away

brownphd,<P>let her go -- for the moment. You also need some time to work on you, to become strong and independent, and to get yourself back.<P>I know I've only been in Plan B for such a short while, and I have no idea where H's head is at (what a bad choice of words there!!) but I feel better about ME.<P>Everyday, I find a little more strength, and a little more of the old me - the one he fell in love with.<P>Everyday, I feel a little bit more positive about things in general, about this situation, my children, my new life here in Brisbane, and new friends.<P>I still miss my old life, Melbourne, my old friends, him, him with me, him with us - but now I'm not in turmoil. I'm just sad. And to me, there is a difference. I couldnt function properly while I was in turmoil, - the laundry wasnt up to date which is unheard of for me, I ran out of milk and bread, which is unheard of for me, the car had no petrol and I barely made it to the garage, again unheard of for me.<P>Yesterday, I got the housework up to date, sorted through a mountain of paperwork that had accumulated, ie, bills etc, and generally got my life back on track.<BR>The decision to go to Plan B gave ME some control over my own life. It feels so good.<BR>Like I said, the sadness and longing for him are still there, but the confusion, turmoil, and suffering have GONE. Now I just plain miss him.<BR>I hope this is clear, as I type it doesnt sound so clear to me, but I would like you to know that I have some peace in my life. This is what I would wish for you also.<P>I had to let him go, to make his own way and his own decisions, about what he is going to do. In letting go, I got Me back.<P>I don't know if you've ever heard this, its everywhere here<P>"If you love something, set it free.<BR> If it comes back, it's yours.<BR> If it doesn't, it never was."<P>This little saying has been playing in my head for weeks, but I didnt have the courage to let go. Now I have let go, and hopeully God will look out for me, and the right decisions will be made.<P>Take care of you<P>Jo

ROLL ME AWAY, read major mess up and relly relly confused. She decided that we wont be together, but we are supposed to do somthing tommorrow.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

brownphd -- Sorry I haven't been around much this past week.<P>I think the letter is good. I also think the response your W gave you is pretty normal.<P>You have two months of Plan A which needs to combat 9 months of separation and all the time it took for the problems to develop in the first place.<P>Give her some time my friend.<P>God Bless

ES I have decided to give her time and space. we started talking again since the Tiff we had. Still doing as I was before. We didnt go do the cross thing though. She said it was to late in the day and she has plans.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

OK, brownphd, I re-read the posts and now I remember about the money, the lie and getting caught and embarrased.<P>Your letter is wonderful, but she didn't react the way you wanted. Maybe in time she will have some clear-headed thinking and remember all the kindnesses you are giving her right now. After the uincident, she has definitely got to be more confused and mixed-up than ever. Not to mention hurt and guilt, I would think. Your standing there through all of this with her will hopefully be something she will remeber when the fog lifts.<P>In the meantime, try no to let this consume you. I, of all people, have nerve to dispense such information, because I still struggle with this myself.<P>We are all struggling here - those like us who don't have a S wanting to twork on the marriage, and even those couples who are working on their marriages struggle day to day.<P>You have been trying so hard, give it a little break. She just ISN'T receptive to your love right now. Doesn't mean you have to give up; doesn't mean you can't be nice and supportive and empathetic. By all measn do these things. But, pull back a bit - for YOUR sake as well as HERS. Give it a little rest. She might start to miss you - to begin to feel what her life would be like without you there everyday to rely on.<P>Roll Me Away

Wow Dude ,<BR> you got more of a responce than I did. All I've gotton so far is a thanks for the letter. I do believe they have had an erosive effect on the fortress she has built around her emotions. Like RMA said step back give her space, I think space is BS but if she wants it let her have it. Not giving it to her would be LBing. At least it is in my situation. Hang in and work on you. I'm haveing to change my attitudes and ideas. Change sucks, but when the pain gets great enough we'll change.<BR><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

read the next post<BR><P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>